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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a man I met online not to be so keen as to make me feel uncomfortable?

42 replies

Laurel1979 · 28/08/2013 18:58

I'd really appreciate some perspective on this, as I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years and I'm maybe over-reacting!! Well recently it's felt like everyone I know has met someone great online, so I thought I'd give it a go, as I'm a single parent to an 8 year old and I also have a busy job. A I signed up and received a message from a really friendly guy, everything seemed perfect- he's not bad looking, has a nice job/car,/home and similar interests to me, so after a chat online we exchanged numbers, and last night he rang me. I really enjoyed chatting to him and we left it that we would "chat soon" and likely meet up for a coffee at some stage in the next week or two. This was fairly late last night, around midnight. Today I've felt a little overwhelmed by all the contact from him though- he sent me texts throughout the day starting from 7am, using my mobile number, whatsapp and also via the online dating site (pof). I did reply but it was an hour or two later as I've had a hectic day. He also kept sending me text messages that just had a smiley face icon and nothing else... Ad then asked me via text if He could ring me tonight, to which I replied I was working a night shift. He then asked to contact me via FaceTime, I said No as I hate those sites, but he proceeded to try and do it anyway, which I ignored. He keeps texting to say he just wants to "see my smile." He also appears to have tracked me down on Facebook and has made a friend request, which I have ignored as I haven't met this guy and I don't want him seeing all of my private stuff including photos of my daughter. (I didn't tell him my surname so I've no idea how he found me).
AIBU to find this overbearing? It's really putting me off, if I hadn't been bombarded today I'd have loved to meet him, but now I just feel a bit creeped out. He says on his profile he's never had a relationship for longer than a year. Is that weird for a 35 year old?
Sorry for long post, I'd love some advice!!

OP posts:

LessMissAbs · 28/08/2013 21:49

Yep, its definatley creep season. Block him and ignore him so he doesn't think he's in with a chance and turns into a real stalker.

I had a very brief experience on dating sites several years ago before I met DH, and from what I could tell, there was a very high proportion of men who behaved like this, or in equally socially "odd" ways. I'm sure there are nice ones, but I couldn't stand the exposure to that stuff.

carlywurly · 28/08/2013 21:51

In my experience, an unusually high proportion of the weird men my friends and I have encountered were called Paul. Just saying.

twolemonsinthefruitbowl · 28/08/2013 21:54

I've had recent experience of a David on a dating site who was similar. creepy, over familiar and intense. Yup, internet sites do seem to attract a number of weirdos!

EBearhug · 29/08/2013 00:41

I'd just like to say all the Pauls and Davids I know are all fine. (Though none are internet dating, AFAIK.)

I think it's a good thing to follow your instincts with online dating. I cancelled on one guy because he was getting really weird about getting the train and stuff. I may have missed out on something great - but I don't think so.

TroublesomeEx · 29/08/2013 08:09

I wouldn't be interested either.

I met a man through OD who was a little like this - but no where near as intense!!!

On the first date he then tried telling me not to do something and then when I laughed and continued (because I didn't think he was really trying to tell me what to do with me being an adult and this being a first date and all that) he tried to physically stop me and then said "I said stop that, I'm always telling my daughter not to do that".

I did point out that he was within his rights to tell his daughter what to do, with him being her dad and all that (and her being 6) but that I was an adult and if I wanted to do it I blimmin' well would do!

Take heed of these early warning signs and have nothing more to do with him

Original poster

Laurel1979 · 29/08/2013 08:27

Hi
Yes I think instinct is important, when I switched on my phone this morning after my night shift there were another 2 texts plus a message on Whatsapp, seemed even creepier as 2 of the texts just said "Hi." As I'm tired and grumpy after work I think I'll turn phone off and do all the blocking etc this afternoon!

Thanks again for the great replies!

OP posts:

KatyN · 29/08/2013 08:33

What a freaky guy. I met my DH on the internet but not until after I'd met a couple of wierdos. One guy I met for a drink and when I said I wasn't that interested in seeing him again sent me abusive texts all night (I turned my phone off!) saying that I'd made him feel really 'unspecial' and I'd never meet anyone and I'd treated him really badly.

However, he is nothing in comparison with your chap!

Ditch in and keep on looking
x

DownstairsMixUp · 29/08/2013 08:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DfanjoUnchained · 29/08/2013 08:35

Block him and don't meet him

Montybojangles · 29/08/2013 08:36

Check your fb profile. If you use your phone to fb it can just upload your number to your profile, so he could have found you that way.

He sounds rather desperate.

wtf1981 · 29/08/2013 08:43

You can search via email address on fb...could he have done that?

JerseySpud · 29/08/2013 08:57

If your email is the same one you used to set up facebook then yes you can find someone on thee with it.

lindalooloo · 29/08/2013 12:09

HI i don't normally reply to threads but i wanted to add to this one. I met my partner through the internet and what attracted me to him was that he didn't push to meet, not like all the others who seemed to think after one email i would meet up with them. I am a strong believer that you should go with your gut instinct I did with my fella and i traveled 200 Miles to meet him when i felt ready. I have now been with him for six years and would urge anyone to use internet dating sites , but just be aware that there are some real false idiots on there ( but this is no different than idiots you can meet in a bar. ) Good luck and keep looking.

YouTheCat · 29/08/2013 12:17

Run for the hills OP! He's probably already picked out your wedding dress and has plans to introduce you to 'mother'.

Original poster

Laurel1979 · 29/08/2013 22:49

Love your post Lovethecat!! And thanks Linda its nice to hear of a nice ending :-)

Well after I woke up after my post-night shift sleep I found another 5 messages, including one horrific photo of him blowing a kiss. To make matters worse he had send identical text and Whatsapp messages, presumably just in case I didn't get one or the other?! I cracked at the last message asking why I hadn't responded, to which I sent a polite but strongly worded reply that I felt extremely uncomfortable with his over-keen behaviour and particularly finding me on Facebook. He admitted he'd searched for my name and city and recognised my photo, ugh! He apologised but now keeps asking if we can be friends, so now in the process of blocking him.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

Callmedreckly · 29/08/2013 22:59

Omg, I would try not to engage any more with him.

What a nightmare. Im glad you've put a stop to it. Its far to much & the worrying thing is that he probably thinks its quite normal.

YouTheCat · 29/08/2013 23:01

I actually met my dp online but it wasn't through a dating site and was a gradual process of friendship and mutual giggles.

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