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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why so many MNers with more than 1 DC post on the 'One Child Family' board?

49 replies

DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:01

Is it to try to convince us mums-of-one to have more children? They seem to pop up frequently whenever there's a 'should I have another child' thread to urge the OP that yes, they should...

OP posts:
SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 28/08/2013 15:04

Maybe because they have experience of having more than one child?

I have one child and I couldn't comment on those threads.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/08/2013 15:05

Ermm - because they have relevant experience, maybe, DancingLady? Most will have been in the position of having only one child, and will have more experience of what it is ACTUALLY like to go up from one child to two than someone who has only got one child!

coppertop · 28/08/2013 15:06

Presumably at some point (barring twins, triplets etc) they will have had experience of being a one-child family. Confused

UriGeller · 28/08/2013 15:06

Well I had one child for ten years, then I had another, and another, and another!

It stands to reason that most parents (unless they had multiples right off the bat) will have been parents of onlies at the start, therefore qualified to put our oar in!

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/08/2013 15:07

I would find it stranger to post on the one child board asking that question Confused

Original poster
DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:08

OK fair point. But I think the one-child board is more to support people who have 1 DC and are happy with that, rather than to try to convince people to have more... Some MNers seem pretty happy to leap onto threads to point out that only children are more selfish, don't know how to share etc.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 28/08/2013 15:09

Active conversation.

I don't look in topics. I open active convos and respond on threads if I have a comment.

I don't want anyone to have more children than they want.
I used to go to the tea room and drink gin behind the aspidistra. People used to be friendly.
Is it not the case now?

Original poster
DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:09

Exit I think when people post on there they generally want others to approve their decision rather than telling them they're wrong...

OP posts:
Original poster
DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:10

'I used to go to the tea room and drink gin behind the aspidistra. People used to be friendly.'

No idea what you're on about... Smile

OP posts:
MollyHooper · 28/08/2013 15:11

Someone sees a thread on active convos asking if they should have more children and thinks "Hey, I have three and it's great/awful. I can add my perspective to that thread and help the OP"

People aren't actually hoovering about the OCF board waiting to convince people to procreate.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 28/08/2013 15:11

I hate those threads. No-ones ever going to say ' actually yes I wish I'd stopped at 1/2/3/10' . It's stupid to ask people to compare a theoretical child with a child who exists.

MollyHooper · 28/08/2013 15:13

Hoovering about?... Ahem, Hovering.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/08/2013 15:14

I look in Active Conversations too, and if a question piques my interest, I will read the thread, and answer it, if I think I have something to offer.

Why post a question if you don't want to hear different answers?

Original poster
DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:15

Molly but no one EVER goes on there to say 'yep it's awful'. They always urge the OP to have more...

Rich - you'd be surprised (possibly) by how many people think you're harming your child by not 'giving' them a sibling.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/08/2013 15:15

If you start a thread asking if you should have more than one child, why wouldn't you want it answered by people who have had that very experience? Confused

Pagwatch · 28/08/2013 15:16

Ages (really years ago) there was a long standing chat thread which I stumbled into before I realised it was on the One Child Family board.

Everyone on it was lovely. I can't remember the thread that hooked me into it but when I posted 'ooo-er sorry' they let me hang around for a while. There was lots of gin.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/08/2013 15:16

If you want to be told you are making the right decision, then ask for validation - don't ask an open-ended question and then get your head in a point because someone gave an answer you don't like.

Eg. "I don't want any more children - please tell me all the good things about having one child".

ChinaCupsandSaucers · 28/08/2013 15:16

MNers seem pretty happy to leap onto threads to point out that only children are more selfish, don't know how to share etc.

You should see some of the posts on the Stepparenting board from MNers with no experience of Stepparenting, telling stepparents they shouldn't have got involved with a man with DCs!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/08/2013 15:17

Gin? Where?

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/08/2013 15:17

That's how made the mistake of posting a pro marriage eulogy in the lone parents board. Oh they were cross.

Original poster
DancingLady · 28/08/2013 15:17

SDTG - because you want your choice validated. You want other one-child parents to say 'you're fine, you're not being cruel by having 1 child'.

Of course, don't post there if you're thin-skinned, as it's an open forum and anyone can offer their opinion.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/08/2013 15:18

If you want your choice validated, then ask for that.

If you want to be told you are making the right decision, then ask for validation - don't ask an open-ended question and then get your head in a point because someone gave an answer you don't like.

Eg. "I don't want any more children - please tell me all the good things about having one child".

MollyHooper · 28/08/2013 15:18

If it's validation people are after then they should think of a better approach then, shouldn't they?

"I love having one child, come share your awesome one child stories"

MollyHooper · 28/08/2013 15:19

x post.

:o

BikeRunSki · 28/08/2013 15:19

I have posted on tte OCF board about the downsides of having more than one child.

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