to wonder why so many MNers with more than 1 DC post on the 'One Child Family' board?

[DancingLady]

Is it to try to convince us mums-of-one to have more children? They seem to pop up frequently whenever there's a 'should I have another child' thread to urge the OP that yes, they should...

Pagwatch - that sounds lovely! I'll seek out the gin and settle in...

China - I can only imagine... people with an axe to grind.

There's a lot of 'reasons having 1 child is great' threads - I think the people seeking validation are wobbling btwn sticking with 1 and having more... the fact that they post in OCF leads me to believe they actually are happy with 1 but feel guilty about it.

Bike - thanks! It seems taboo for people with more than 1 to even imply that there are downsides (in RL too). I'll see if I can find anything you posted.

the fact that they post in OCF leads me to believe they actually are happy with 1 but feel guilty about it.

But that's your belief

It's not necessarily anyone else's.

I have multiple kids and am the first to say that there is nothing wrong with having one! If I wasn't a serial namechanger I could show you my posts
I do find it a shame that some people with one kid seem to think they need to justify it when there is nothing wrong with choosing to have one kid.

I didn't say it was anyone else's.

But the fact that they're not posting on boards for big families or whatever, makes me think they do want approval - from parents of onlies - that it's ok to stick with 1.

Bleh - I don't think there's anything wrong with having one. Many, many people i meet - some near strangers, quite rudely - disagree.

Firstly causes Tgey pop up in active convos, secondly surely tge people to ask is people with more than one

All threads come up in Active Conversations where everyone sees them -its not that people are somehow invading the one-child family board.

Besides as others have said - how can anyone but a parent with more than one child give feedback on having more than one child?

Presumably lots of people with more than one child like having more than one and say so....?

This is ridiculous - you have asked a question, OP, and it is clear that none of us have given you the answer you wanted (that sounds familiar).

People will be rude about anything.

They were rude when DS was an only child, they were rude about about the almost 6 year age gap, they were rude when DS2 turned out to be another boy.

I didn't ask any of their opinions on those things though, it would have been different if I had.

I imagine it is even worse for people who choose to not have kids.

I actually think there are a lot of people who have kids that shouldn't have any.

I would take some pleasure in being rude back to anyone who critised how many kids I had. It is SOOO rude. I never ask if people are considering having a child as I would have no idea if they were having fertility issues, just didnt want to, financial difficulties or whatever. It's all personal and if someone wants to tell me then that's great but otherwise saying NOTHING is usually the best plan.

I guess I might, privately, be a bit judgey if people carried on having multiple kids when they simple couldn't afford it or were not in a position to be good enough parents

OK, thanks for the replies - I get that it's in active threads and that's why people post.

Bleh - yes I think women who don't want kids are still seen by some as weird. My best friends are in very happy relationships, in their 30s and 40s, and don't want children. I'm sometimes jealous of them! they love kids, are amazing 'aunties', just don't want their own kids.

I think the 'so are you having any more?' questions are what bug me most. as you say, people have NO IDEA what happens in a relationship - whether you're having fertility issues, miscarriages, PND etc. and it's not something i want to discuss with a near stranger.

I've responded to people asking for validation on choosing to have one child. It would be under different names though. No idea whether it was on the one child board or elsewhere as I'd go through active.

My answers would be very different depending on whether someone indicated that they only wanted one or that they were thinking of another and wanted the pros and cons.

I rarely mention how many children I have unless it is directly relevant.

I post on the OC topic if something interesting comes up. Shock horror I have 5 children . But I had 4 as a set with only 5 years between them, then another one 15 years later. So although I've given birth 5 times I've only got one child living with me. It is a completely different experience to having a set of 4, so sometimes I'll post or lurk on the One Child board.

OP everyone gets rude comments about their family, whatever they do. We were told we didn't need a 3rd because we had one of each. We get the stupid "haven't you got a TV?". We also get "are you having any more?" (hardly as we are both over 50), from people who don't know we've got older children and assume DD (6) is an only.

tallulah - I'm one of 5 and at school one girl burst out 'god your dad was a randy bugger!' when she found out... esp as my dad was 55 when i was born

I've never heard 'haven't you got a TV', that's great!

Maybe the people commenting were only children themselves.

I grew up with a single mother and then later as part of a combined family, my family set up is very traditional me+dp+ds but I feel qualified to comment on posts regarding single parenting, step families, big age gaps because my opinion is just as valid as the child of a single parent and the child in a combined family as those people currently being single patents or step parents.

It's an interesting question, OP.

I wouldn't dare post on threads about large families, unless I felt the need to defend singletons - of which both ds and I are one - but even if people were slating one child families I'd probably keep quiet for fear of offending.

I have only ever been spoken to rudely once about my only child and that was by a stranger working at a shop. I complained to the management about her invasive questions. I never saw her again. I don't think she was fired, I think she was transferred to a different location.

I have one. I'll only ever have one. It's nobody's fucking business as to why.

However, I'm the youngest of 6. So I can speak to being part of a large family.

You could say the same about many of the boards where people who are not affected by the issue the board is there for are posting tho.

All threads come up in Active Conversations where everyone sees them

except, I think, the SN threads - to stop people accidentally jumping in inappropriately. People don't always read the thread topic.

But the OCF question the OP cites isn't really on a par with that. Seems reasonable enough that people with multiple kids would have a view on whether to have more, and that mostly they'll be in favour.

I am one of eight children.
I have heard 'didn't your parents have a tv' about 200 times.

Became really dull.