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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my Mum's gift to me

46 replies

LittleEsme · 28/08/2013 08:13

My Mum has bought me a personal number plate for my car. It's a random gift that was totally unexpected, and I don't want it, never been interested in having one.

I especially don't want it since it makes my car older than what it is!

My Mum is chuffed to bits that she found a plate with my exact initials and I really don't want to hurt her. I'm guessing it cost her a few hundred quid too.

I'm frustrated - she knows I'm hardly rolling in it - the cash would have been more appreciated!

I feel very ungrateful though. Any suggestions on how to hangle it?

OP posts:
BoundandRebound · 28/08/2013 08:15

Hang it in your house

Original poster
LittleEsme · 28/08/2013 08:15

hangle?

handle

OP posts:
allhappyfamiliesarealike · 28/08/2013 08:16

Give her a hug, thank her for her thoughtfulness and ask her to let you sell it on to someone who would be thrilled with it.

YANBU - personalised number plates make me cringe.

Justforlaughs · 28/08/2013 08:17

I would keep it and put it on my car just because I would hate to hurt my mothers feelings. That's not to say that I think you should do the same. You could possibly google it and find out how much it cost, then think of something that you DO want/ need and ask your mum if she minded if you returned it and bought this other thing. It really depends on your relationship with your mum. My sister would do the latter without hesitation and it wouldn't affect their relationship at all.

magicstars · 28/08/2013 08:21

I'd be honest- approach it face to face if poss, be super nice & thank her for her thoughtfulness. Explain it isn't really your cup of tea however & ask how would she feel if you sell it on in order to buy something nice for the fam, a holiday/ new school shoes etc. I'd avoid saying you'd prefer the cash unless she suggests it though. She might be a bit cross at first, but if you stay nice & reasonable about it she'd BU to begrudge you IMO.

Mama1980 · 28/08/2013 08:24

I would put it on the car just because I wouldn't want to hurt my mums feelings. She usually gets it right luckily but I do have a hideous vase that is prominent in my living room as she thought I would love it.

Original poster
LittleEsme · 28/08/2013 08:25

Our relationship is ok - but not an easy one. I do a lot of ducking and diving to keep things on an even keel.

I think I'm going to have to use it, aren't I?

Can I get it altered? So that it's not so 'in your face' with my personal initials? Maybe some random numbers and letters?

My car isn't even that nice!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleEsme · 28/08/2013 08:26

Thanks everyone - I'm grateful for your advice.

OP posts:
OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 28/08/2013 08:29

I have just read ( and re-read) the assignment details that come with buying a plate and there is no mention of a purchase price refund. If the plate is not assigned to a vehicle( and it would have to be done by your DM as she was the purchaser) she can only apply for the assignment fee ( £80) to be refunded.
So, you either put something you really, really don't want on your car and keep your DM happy or you tell her the truth, risk hurting her feelings and wasting her money.
Personally I would tell her, a gift is not meant to make you miserable. I would go with the fact that it ages your car. Tell her it's made you miserable as the last thing you want to do is hurt her or seem ungrateful but you don't want to put it on your car.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway · 28/08/2013 08:32

You cannot alter it, you cannot sell it on unless it has been assigned to your car. It is in your mothers name until its on your car.

fluffiphlox · 28/08/2013 08:33

I'd be mortified if anyone (let alone my own mother) thought I was the type to want personalised number plates - they must be amongst the naffest things going. I think you just have to be straight with her. She will be able to sell it/them on I'm sure.

fluffyraggies · 28/08/2013 09:11

So DM will have to sell it on then ... as it is in 'her name' till it's on a car ... interesting.

OP i think i'd be honest with her. Really really if i'd spent allot on a gift for one of my DDs and i'd made a mistake, then i like to think they would feel they could tell me (nicely) so we could sort it out.

Most reasonable people would feel this way wouldn't they?

And if your DM is not a reasonable person then ... she doesn't deserve to be mollified by you driving round feeling shitty about your no. plate!

Tell her gently that you've thought about the plate and would rather the money be spent on XYZ.

thegreylady · 28/08/2013 09:14

I would put it on the car because it was a lovely idea and she would have been so excited to get it. Why hurt her over something so trivial?

diddl · 28/08/2013 09:15

Well I'm not sure that you could tell her how to spend the money instead tbh.

I wouldn't want it & I guess it would just rot in a cupboard somewhere!Blush

DropYourSword · 28/08/2013 09:33

I think it's a lovely idea from her. If I was her I'd be really hurt to hear you didn't appreciate a thoughtful gift. Anyone who sees it will know it's a personalized plate so it won't actually age your car.

diddl · 28/08/2013 09:38

How is it a thoughtful gift though?

it's not even useful

DropYourSword · 28/08/2013 09:44

It's a thoughtful gift because the mum had made the effort to spend some time thinking about a present to give, researching it and buying three one matches her initials. I don't understand how this can be thought to be anything other than a thoughtful gift. Gifts don't have to be 'useful'. I've had plenty of gifts that I've loved that have no 'use' whatsoever.

havingamadmoment · 28/08/2013 09:47

I would use it, its only a car number plate. You probably didnt think much about the one you had so just stick it on the car and forget about it. Its really not worth upsetting your mum over this.

ResNullius · 28/08/2013 09:52

I have a vague recollection that the owner of the plate also has to own the vehicle it is being assigned to?
Memory fails me ...but it would be worth checking.

Might mean that the plate just ends up decorating the downstairs lavatory, though. Grin

toomanyfionas · 28/08/2013 09:55

Oh I hate car things. I think you are going to have to use it though...

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 28/08/2013 09:58

If its not been assigned to a car, you could just hang it in the house.

That would solve the problem.
'Its lovely but sorry mum, I can't use it on the car... It's the law'

VanitasVanitatum · 28/08/2013 10:05

I agree that you probably won't notice when it's on the car.. I would use it and look happy cos I would hate my mum to be disappointed when she thought she'd done something that would make me happy.

Beastofburden · 28/08/2013 10:05

Sorry, it's really easy to reassign a number plate to someone else's car, there's a form to do it.

WhoNickedMyName · 28/08/2013 10:12

Res the owner of the registration/number plate owns it until it is assigned to a car. Once it's assigned, then the owner of the car now owns the number plate and has the right to do what they want with it.

My FIL bought me and DH matching number plates as a wedding gift Grin

I'd just put it on the car and forget about it. I barely even notice mine.

diddl · 28/08/2013 10:24

I think though that unless you know that it's something the recipient wants-how can it be thoughtful?

Often these things are marmite, & the buyer buys one because it's something that they would like.

I wouldn't use it just to please her.

Either put it away or give it back & tell her that you appreciate the gesture, but you know that you won't use it.

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