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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit cross and disgusted that my sister is still going to let her dog sleep on her bed?

62 replies

NoDogsOnTheBed · 26/08/2013 14:48

My sister has a smallish dog that she lets sleep in with her and her husband. He's around 8 or 9 years old and has been allowed to do this since day one when they got him when he was around 4 years old.

He can be a bit aggressive sometimes, but is generally just a bit of an anti social dog more than anything else.

My sister is pregnant and is going to have her baby in approximately 3 or 4 months time.

She has said recently that she can't not let her dog stay in her bed/bedroom because he's so used of it, he couldn't cope without being in with her and her husband.

AIBU to think this is pretty dangerous when the newborn baby is also going to be in the same room as they are? He could jump in the moses basket/cot/pram (possibly) and when she brings the baby in to breastfeed the dog could get aggressive as he's very territorial and jealous. Equally he sheds a lot of hairs and would get loads of hairs on the blanket and the baby could get that in their mouth.

We have a dog too but he sleeps outside in the corridor when we are in bed (daughter is 5 months old).

I don't think I can do anything else about this as she seems pretty adamant about it and is a lovely person but is very stubborn and set in her ways and don't want to start an argument with her but AIBU to really quite worried about this?

Prepared to be called silly as many posters are on AIBU, but just really don't think it's all that safe.

NCd as she could possibly be on MN.

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 26/08/2013 19:16

YABU. It's up to your sister to assess the risks, and she's in a better position than you to do so.

You may as well get used to the idea that she will parent differently or you'll spend the next 18+ years getting cross!

Original poster
NoDogsOnTheBed · 26/08/2013 19:20

thebody She's having baby in with her til 6 months, then the baby is going to be in it's own room from then on.

I am just thinking it, haven't overtly said it to her as Mum and I mentioned it off the cuff a few weeks back and she looked a bit uncomfortable so we left it.

She's not co sleeping but having the baby in a moses basket or pram for the first week weeks next to her bed, then in a cot beside their bed.

She is breastfeeding until she feels it's ready to stop, but for her own sake I hope it's not until puberty, otherwise she'll have more issues than a jealous dog :D

OP posts:
attheendoftheday · 26/08/2013 19:24

She is breastfeeding until she feels it's ready to stop, but for her own sake I hope it's not until puberty, otherwise she'll have more issues than a jealous dog :D

Hmm
lucybrad · 26/08/2013 19:31

By having the dog in bed and the baby by the side of the bed she is telling the dog he is higher up the pack order than the baby - and if the dog is already not respecting boundaries then this could cause trouble. YANBU

thebody · 26/08/2013 19:32

she might also feel you and your mom are criticising her and interfering as you are already a mom and she isn't yet.

you do need to back off or you will seriously piss her off and she will see you as undermining her.

you will parent differently in most areas so don't start comparing before babe even appears😃

edam · 26/08/2013 19:36

pet hairs are positively good for babies - there is a lower rate of allergies in children who shared their bedroom with a cat when the child was aged under one.

Aggression is another matter, but one you have to leave up to your sister. I'm sure she'll think again once she actually has a real baby.

Ericaequites · 26/08/2013 19:44

It is her house, her baby, and her dog. People have become very melodramatic about how a child should sleep. I slept with a cat in my crib from five days old, and grew up in reasonable order.

Original poster
NoDogsOnTheBed · 26/08/2013 21:06

I wasn't mean to do that, thebody I was pointing out something she may not have thought of before.

She knows if she wants advice she can just ask me and has done before. As I am younger though I definitely don't just volunteer advice. Mum mentioned it as she was concerned and just casually mentioned it and I agreed saying what we did with my partners dog. It wasn't all confrontational or anything, I have no right to do that.

Erica In your crib or in the same room as you? The former seems very scary, the latter seems fair enough if you have a parent who is a light sleeper.

I don't mean to be melodramatic just really don't want anything bad happening to my DN.

OP posts:
pumpingprincess · 26/08/2013 21:20

A few of my friends asked if I would be getting rid of my dog when I discovered I was pregnant. Couldn't believe people were actually suggesting that!

At 4mths pregnant I started to train the dog to sleep outside my room. She stayed there for the first 5 mths of DD's life until I moved her into her own room and the dog moved back in with me. Or that was the plan! Since then DD starts the evening in her own room and then ends up in mine. DD on one side, dog on the other.

I also bought a doll and would cradle it as training. In fact my lovely dog loved DD as much as I did from day one. No problem at all!

Crowler · 26/08/2013 21:26

I am extremely jealous that someone here has a BASSET HOUND!

Why does the OP care what her sister does with her dog?

littlemog · 26/08/2013 21:30

I have a basset hound. She sleeps under my duvet at night in my bed

This post has just brightened up my day. Love it. Grin

Famzilla · 26/08/2013 21:30

I cosleep with 5mo DD and our big hairy German shepherd jumps on the bed once DP has gone to work.

We're all still here. Unscathed.

I don't agree with the whole "the dog will think its above the baby if it sleeps on the bed" thing. DD slept in a Moses basket until she grew out of it and my dog knows full well the baby is above her. However, that's just our family.

dietcokeandwine · 26/08/2013 21:30

NoDogsOnTheBed I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to be concerned, but at the end of the day it will be your sister's decision. And at the moment everything she is planning to do is totally theoretical and may well change once baby arrives and reality bites!

i.e. "she is not cosleeping but having the baby in a moses basket for the first few weeks and then in a cot by her bed" - yes, until she realises that the baby just won't settle in the damned moses basket and actually the only way she's going to get any sleep is by having baby in with her for a bit...

i.e. "she is breastfeeding until she feels it is time to stop" - yes, but she may have severe difficulties in getting breastfeeding established; baby may have tongue tie or reflux; she may end up bottle feeding for any number of reasons...

i.e. she is going to continue to have the dog sleeping in her bed with the baby in the room - yes, until she brings her precious newborn home and becomes suddenly paranoid about possible aggressive behaviour from dog...

The point being that, until baby is here and becomes an actual reality, all plans remain essentially hypothetical. Let's face it, we've all had ideas and ideals about what we are 'definitely going to do' with DC, only to change them pretty quickly once we realise what is actually involved in their day to day care!

I think at the end of the day you have to let your sister make her own decisions, but I don't think you are at all unreasonable to be concerned about the potentially-aggressive-dog-on-the-bed scenario. That said, I wouldn't be at all surprised if your sister changes her mind rapidly about that one as soon as her little boy is born.

Littleen · 26/08/2013 21:31

yabu. It's up to her to train her dog, and nobody knows how it will react to a baby. They will find out pretty fast. Don't see an issue with it sleeping in the same room, dogs don't tend to go in small spaces (baby bed) the same way a cat would do. I am sure your sister will look after the baby as best she can, but that decision may be easier made when it's arrived and she can sense how her dog feels about the little one!

littlemog · 26/08/2013 21:33

NoDogs what do you mean by the breastfeeding comment? You sound very critical and judgemental of your sister over things that have nothing to do with you whatsoever.

Now what is that little phrase I read over and over on MN? Oh yes - her dog, her baby, her rules. Leave her alone.

MrsOakenshield · 26/08/2013 21:37

the jealousy and aggression would concern me. One of our cats sleeps on our bed, both before and after DD was born, and that's one of the reasons why we never co-slept. But the cats just ignore DD, there's no aggression with them at all. Don't know what you can do about it, though, other than hope for the best!

littlemog · 26/08/2013 21:38

Both my babies went straight into their own rooms and the dog (son number 1) stayed on the end of our bed. Problem solved.

Another great post. Gosh MN is cheering me up tonight!

littlemog · 26/08/2013 21:39

None of you know that this poor dog is going to be aggressive FGS. And if he was....don't you think that the OP's sister has the sense to alter her arrangements.

This is such a silly, fussy, interfering OP and such a non problem.

hardboiledpossum · 26/08/2013 21:41

Dogs are unpredictable and it is not safe to have a dog in your room with a baby if you are sleeping. Yanbu.

SlobAtHome · 26/08/2013 21:42

YABU

MacaYoniandCheese · 26/08/2013 21:43

I would never have let any of my babies sleep in my bed. How would you ever sleep and the breast feeding bit would totally mess up the sheets wouldn't it?

I do not have any issues around spooning with my dog every night though (apart from DH).

.

GangstersLoveToDance · 26/08/2013 21:44

Letting dogs on your bed is just rank.

Regardless of the safety aspect, I wouldn't let a baby sleep where some smelly, hairy hound had! Bleughh.

thebody · 26/08/2013 21:46

I prefer my old cat in bed with me than dh. the cat has bad breath but dh snores and farts!

FlankShaftMcWap · 26/08/2013 21:49

Why the snippy replies to the breastfeeding comment? It was a direct reply to thebody who made a lighthearted crack about BF. OP was clearly joking ffs. There's a difference between telling someone they're BU (you are OP, sorry) and going over every post with a fine toothed offence detecting comb.

littlemog · 26/08/2013 22:03

Yes you are right Flank My apologies OP.

You are still being very U about the dog though.