to not want to go to this hen do?

[YalleyoftheDolls87]

So a friend is getting married and has planned it for 2015. Happy for her.

My friend does like to be the centre of attention a lot, which is fine but in that respect we are very opposite people.

She has decided that we are all going to go to Ibiza for her hen do. I said to her sorry but I just wouldn't be able to afford it but would go out for any kind of hen do she planned at home.

Her response, "well it's two years away so surely you can save up?"

Now I suppose this is true, but surely saving up for this would mean sacrificing something else. Like a holiday with my partner or getting the house re-decorated.

Aibu to think if you want a hen do abroad then great go for it but don't expect everyone to want to or be able to afford to go.

Yes it really happened to dh - it was my friend to my dh because he said he couldn't make one of the three stag extravaganzas.

It was all rather nasty at the time... bridezilla-ism (on behalf of the groom) in it's most extreme form. It was surreal. We can laugh about it now (not with her though).

It made me realise bridezilla is a real thing though, she turned into a monster for a year and then clicked back to normal straight after the wedding. We we've been friends nearly 30yrs.

Last post was to queenbach

"well it's two years away so surely you can save up?

Who knows what will be going on in 2 years time?!

could be all over by then

Save up for yourself and yours OP

YANBU at all, easiest way to avoid a conflict is being clear now that that you don't want to go or that you simply can't commit to it (deflect til later when everyone else is pulling out too).

One thing though, ime a lot of people say "can't afford to" when they actually mean "don't want to" ... They could go if they wanted to but would rather spend the money on something else. It's like people who are constantly "too busy", they have the time but have chosen to prioritise something else.

This is where problems start, i absolutely agree she cannot tell you how to spend your money but the message the hen is hearing is that something else is more important to you than her hen do... Shock horror! It may take time for her to come to terms with this... She is clearly in bridezilla mode.

That's where you need to be firm but sensitive... I think saying you can only afford one holiday and want to do that with family is not BU but appreciate she may think narcissistically that shes giving you a great opportunity to do something with friends. it's very unlikely you will be the only person who feels this way. If you are, maybe you could reconsider and actually have a great girlie holiday with good friends... My idea of hell is a hen in ibiza too but you never know... You might enjoy it!!

YANBU.

I think tell her outright that the level of saving it would take isn't something you're prepared to do.

Worth thinking of a way of telling her this so that she doesn't give you snide looks / resentful sighs if you ever spend any money on anything nice around her...

YANBU in not wanting to go. BUT you told her you couldn't go because you couldn't afford it and she pointed out (and you acknowledged) that you have time to save. Maybe she just really wants you there and is trying to help with her suggestion.

Just tell her you still can't afford it.

Some people don't seem to realise that there is a choice between a local and reasonably priced hen/stag that everyone you want to come should be able to attend and an expensive long stag/hen away from home that means that you will not get everyone you want there.

I didn't bother with a hen, but generally my view of things is that it is the people that make events enjoyable so I would opt for the former over the latter.

If you only had one friend in the whole world then saving up for two years to attend her hen do might be justified. But say you have ten reasonably good friends -- are you supposed to save up, scrimp and go without for twenty years in total just so that they can sequentially go bridezilla on your ass?