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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this alone is a dealbreaker

39 replies

stillbusy84 · 26/08/2013 07:59

So our last dd was unplanned. She is 10 months now and is still not sleeping through. In the early days during a bad episode (d)h sais we should have terminated the pregnancy. This hurt so much for many reasons. Anyway i let it go as a in the heat of the moment thing.
However he did it again yesterday because she started crying as our meals arrived whilst eating out. This was in front of our other dc too.
I feel like our marriage is over. He seems to have become so selfish. Valuing his sleep over everything. Has slept the last 3 nights in same room as ds. I have had to share with dd and baby.yesterday was the last straw. I was shattered as dd has been waking 3 times per night. He didn't even surface till 11.
Aibu to think it's over.

OP posts:
peppapigsmummy · 26/08/2013 08:01

LTB

ratbagcatbag · 26/08/2013 08:03

Er no, kick his ass out.

My dh and his ex had unplanned pregnancy which was quite raw after they had a stillborn girl and he suggested termination, his ex said no way. He's never ever ever mentioned it since, my 15yo dss is snoring in his pit after staying up and whooping his dad on the Xbox.

He says he will always regret suggesting it and he has an amazing son which he is thankful every day for.

Every time she does something he will bring this up if past experience is to go by. :(

mrspremise · 26/08/2013 08:03

YANBU. But I would gently suggest posing the same question to HIM rather than us... Hope you're little one settles down for you Thanks Thanks

Wishfulmakeupping · 26/08/2013 08:04

So he said that again at the meal? If yes then yanbu what a disgusting thing to say that's sick

feelinlucky · 26/08/2013 08:06

My ex said this to me in a very planned way, eg, sat me down at the table to remind me he didn't want ds and I should never have had him. DS was 4 and in a class when ex told this, I was devastated. We were separated already. He is a bastard and I'm sorry but your husbands behaviour sounds vile. It sounds like you're ready to make some changes to your relationship. Don't leave it too long. Life is short and you deserve to be happy.

Hegsy · 26/08/2013 08:09

YANBU yoyrvDD doesn't understand just now but eventually she will please don't let her be brought up in an environment where it's clear she is unwanted Sad

SamHamwidge · 26/08/2013 08:11

I think that's awful. You poor thing.

I hope to god your DD never finds out when she is older.

He sounds incredibly selfish and clueless about what being a parent involves, if he thinks he can just carry on and sleep till 11. I'm fuming on your behalf! What a useless bd.

farrowandbawl · 26/08/2013 08:12

Get rid of him. He doesn't deserve those kids.

picnicbasketcase · 26/08/2013 08:14

YANBU. What an arsehole.

RalphGnu · 26/08/2013 08:16

I would be devastated if my DP said that to me. Sad

barnet · 26/08/2013 08:16

He is disgusting. You will do a better job without him.

ZillionChocolate · 26/08/2013 08:16

In the context, I think it was unforgivable.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 26/08/2013 08:25

i agree with everyone else Sad

BasilBabyEater · 26/08/2013 08:26

YANBU.
LTB

marriedinwhiteisback · 26/08/2013 08:28

It sounds like you are having a difficult time and are all under huge pressure. Why do you have to share with dd and the baby when DH sleeps with DS? Does your DH have the sort of job where he needs to be on the ball intellectually? Is he worried about keeping it; providig for you all?

What he said was unacceptable but you need to talk it through; possibly via relate or such like. Reflect a bit and think it through. The aftermath of an episode like this is not the right time to making lasting decisions or do anything rash unless he has ever be violent towards you

OctopusPete8 · 26/08/2013 08:30

definitely, Has he always been like this?

what was he like with the other one?

x

Jan49 · 26/08/2013 08:36

You're both struggling with the disturbed nights and as you say it was an unplanned pregnancy, I think he's saying what he thinks, but shouldn't ever say it in front of the dc. I think you should talk to him about it but I don't understand why you'd consider ending your marriage over it. It's hard at the moment but will get easier.

lotsofdirections · 26/08/2013 08:36

My DD2 was born 2 years after I had been sterilised. DH was adamant we would not sue the NHS is case DD ever found out and thought she hadn't been wanted. He died two years ago but his/our mantra was that she hadn't been planned but was very much wanted. I think it is time for a serious talk with your DH.

Wuxiapian · 26/08/2013 09:16

What an awful thing to say - especially in front of her and the other DC!!

I would have serious reservations about a future with such a vile creature.

Original poster
stillbusy84 · 27/08/2013 11:25

Think he was overtired and didn't want to be kept awake by me getting up to feed /soothe dd. She is sadly very dependent on me to settle. No, he was fine withbother too.
Only holiday and staying in a cramped holiday caravan.

OP posts:
Original poster
stillbusy84 · 27/08/2013 11:26

Others

OP posts:
SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 27/08/2013 12:31

Dd was unplanned and DH (though we weren't married at the time) wanted me to have a termination and was vile to me when I said I wouldn't. Since she was born, he has doted on her and nothing eats away at him as much as remembering that he didn't want me to go ahead with the pregnancy. If that wasn't the case and he had dared repeat that to me since her birth, it would have been a total deal-breaker and we would be history.

YANBU to not tolerate your husband's vile comments about your dd. Lack of sleep is a trying thing but it does not justify saying you wish you didn't have your child. Saying it in front of the other children is totally unforgivable. LTB and protect your daughter from growing up knowing her father didn't want her Sad

Littleen · 27/08/2013 22:47

That is completely unacceptable, and you need to have a proper chat to him about this. I don't think I'd be able to forgive something like that, but you might be differently inclinced. Couples counselling to sort him out perhaps, as with that kind of comments, he shouldn't really be allowed around any of the kids imo.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/08/2013 01:38

Hi stillbusy I remember your other thread. He doesn't do anything around the house either, does he? Or put his cup in the kitchen.

What is he for?

Sparklysilversequins · 28/08/2013 01:46

He'd be wearing his balls for earring if the father of my dc ever said anything like that in front of my dc. Revolting man.