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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading our upcoming 'holiday'?

58 replies

TheCunnyFunt · 25/08/2013 20:18

This is probably going to be really long, I don't want to dripfeed!

Me, DP and our 2yo DD. A week in Cornwall in a static caravan, with MIL, 18yo BIL and 21yo BIL. It would be bad enough like that, as BILs tend to argue over the smallest things, and MIL is a super clean freak, she never EVER does things 'in a minute', everything has to be done NOW. I am the total opposite, quite happy to leave washing up until the next day etc. me and MIL get on, but we cannot live together. I have been dreading the holiday from the day it was agreed. This is the only way we can afford to go on holiday though and we do need a holiday because we've had the shittiest year imaginable, my brother got stabbed and spent 4 months in hospital, my grandad died, my dog killed my rabbit, we bought a new (to us) car that's turned out to be riddled with problems, and on Monday DP had a bad accident at work with a Stihl saw and can't do anything so I'm having to run around after both him and DD. i even gave to bath him!

We've just been informed that oldest BILs (who isn't coming) son will be coming with us, his DS is also 2. Our DD is so laid back, she's (mostly) a lovely, cheery little soul who is a joy to be around and she stays in bed until 8.30-9am most mornings. DN is the polar opposite, he screams, cries, has complete meltdowns over the tiniest thing and wakes up at the crack of dawn. He spends the majority of his days in tears. It wouldn't be so bad if us 3 could escape for the day but DP might not be able to drive by the time holiday comes around and I don't drive.

I just don't want to go now. If I didn't want to go before, I certainly don't now. Would it be so terrible to fib to DP and tell him that the dogs other family aren't able to have him for the week so I'll just have to stay home? Either that or I'll happily accept donations of alcohol and hip flasks to get me through the nightmare week :(

I have my flameproof suit and hardhat at the ready, just in case I'm being incredibly bitchy to not want to go.

Aibu?

OP posts:
MissWimpyDimple · 26/08/2013 07:30

Having just been on a holiday where my laid back, sleep late, generally rather angelic (nowt to do with me btw- she was just born like it Shock) DD has been the brunt of tantrums, tale telling, deviousness and crack of dawn waking. All from a friends DD who is the same age. DD "enjoyed" the holiday because that's what she was there for etc. but seriously, the kid was so relieved to skip back through our door it made me realise that it hadnt been fair on her at all.

Yours is younger and I bet you experience a marked deterioration in her behaviour on your return!

Don't do it! I can't see how you will get 8 in anyway. I lived in a static for 2 years and they are TINY!

MagicHouse · 26/08/2013 07:48

I don't think you should go either, but I don't think you should pretend to be ill. Just be (fairly) honest. Say you've had a tough year and need a break, and having so many people including your nephew there will mean you won't get the break you need. Say it will also make it difficult for your BILs who get easily stressed anyway. Say you dropping out will be better for everyone as it will free up more space etc etc All said with a concerned expression. Stick to your guns. What you're describing won't be a holiday. X

picnicbasketcase · 26/08/2013 07:50

There's no way I'd go under those circumstances. Sorry you've had such an awful time lately, I hope your DH recovers very soon.

SoWorriedPleaseHelp · 26/08/2013 07:58

Quite simply, this is not a holiday and you won't relax and unwind. You will come back feeling worse than ever which is pointless.

SixPackWellies · 26/08/2013 08:02

That 'holiday' sounds AWFUL!!!!!

try and get out of it OP, that sounds horrendous for everyone. How do you all fit in a caravan anyway? Can you hire another one nearby so at least you have some space?

It makes me shudder just to think of it!

Backtobedlam · 26/08/2013 08:12

Good idea to try and hire another one-if you call now they might have some cheap deals on unfilled caravans. Failing that you will need to fake an illness.

Nanny0gg · 26/08/2013 09:03

You never know - DN might be a different child away from his parents and in a holiday situation...

racingheart · 26/08/2013 09:13

Don't go. You say it's the only way you can afford a break, but it won't be a break, it'll be an endurance test. Stay home and relax with your family.

daisychain01 · 26/08/2013 09:20

Life is too short and you sound a sweetie who does not deserve the torturous "family holiday from hell". Wouldn't you be better off in the garden, rather than "holed up" with folk who you would rather not be with? Yes, it sounds like that is the case.

Tummy bug excuse (including graphic detail of pebble-dashing) might get the message across effectively Grin

kiwimumof2boys · 26/08/2013 10:19

Oh god you will need a holiday to recover from that 'holiday!'
Sorry for all your losses, hope your DB and DP will be OK.
Yeah I think you should defo use your DP's accident as an excuse - and I personally think it is a reasonable one.

softlysoftly · 26/08/2013 10:27

Sounds a nightmare so I wouldn't go you need a proper break 156 people in a caravan isn't it.

But

Your DN might be a different child with you. Crying all day (not the odd tantrum) always means something is wrong. Attentuon? Being yelled at? Being told He's naughty? Feel a bit sorry for him.

Oh and a dog that killed a rabbit???

Hegsy · 26/08/2013 11:19

Dear god YANBU I'd definitely be cancelling!

puffinnuffin · 26/08/2013 11:31

Try and get out of it. Surely DH's needing to recover from his accident would be perfectly understandable?

If you go the fall out after the holiday may cause awful family problems.

Sorry you have had such a rotten year.

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 26/08/2013 11:35

He cries most of the day because he spends the majority of his time doing things he shouldn't, like climbing on the tv stand, grabbing ornaments, drawing on MILs expensive leather sofas. Just being a normal 2 year old really, but no matter how many times you tell him no, he just goes back and does it again after his tantrum about being stopped the first time. It's an endless cycle.

Yes, my dog killed my rabbit. My rabbit's hutch broke, the back came loose, which made the floor drop down (that's what we worked out how she got out anyway). Rabbit escaped, I didn't know and let the dog out in the garden for the toilet. It's not the dogs fault, he's an ex racing Greyhound so he was just doing what's been bred into him for the past 3000 years. He completely ignored her when she was in her hutch as he knew he couldn't get her but when she was loose it was a different story :(

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 26/08/2013 23:30

DN coming is set in stone :( apparently 21BIL invited him, MIL agreed saying it would be easier for DN's parents. As MIL is his childminder they won't have to find alternative care for him or (shock horror) actually take some time off work to care for him. Even though they are self employed and his mother does naff all at work anyway.

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 27/08/2013 11:00

I'm sorry, you have had a lot going on this year, and you could use a break. But this planned vacation sounds chaotic. That sounds like a lot of people, is this a large caravan, with 3-4 bedrooms? Any chance of the 2 BIL's to pitch a tent outside for themselves to sleep in, and make it less crowded?
I need my space, and wouldn't go, and that would be the reason I gave.

silverten · 27/08/2013 12:00

Sounds awful. I find the sheer effort of packing up to go on holiday exhausting at the best of times, you've got it so much worse and you're nowhere near the holiday yet.

I'd just cancel in no uncertain terms- all the drama you've had recently is a more than adequate excuse to just want to stay at hone and hibernate where you're comfortable. Don't take any nonsense or attempts at persuasion- you are perfectly entitled to decide what to do with your own time and there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first when you've had a tough few months.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 27/08/2013 12:04

I'm pretty sure the doctor told your DP he had to rest a lot while he is recovering from his accident, didn't he/she . I remember you telling us Wink

Original poster
TheCunnyFunt · 27/08/2013 12:35

It's a 'platinum' caravan apparently, it has 3 bedrooms, 1 with a double bed, and the other 2 have 2 single beds. MIL told us the sleeping arrangement she thinks will work. DP and I in the double bed, BILs in a room together, then MIL and the toddlers in together. She's had the bright idea of putting DD and DN in a single bed together, top and tailing.

OP posts:
Andro · 27/08/2013 13:38

She's had the bright idea of putting DD and DN in a single bed together, top and tailing.

Doesn't sound like your DD will be getting much sleep then...

The whole thing sound like it would be anything bar a holiday.

Mindmaps · 27/08/2013 13:39

Ha. They.Will.Not.Sleep !

LIZS · 27/08/2013 13:41

Can you book another van or take a tent ? If it rains then it will be overcrowded and too noisy to get lo's to bed. dh's accident would be enough for me to not go.

absentmindeddooooodles · 27/08/2013 13:44

What pombear said on the first page sounds like a bloody fantastic plan. < sulks at lack of disney films and cushion fort>

Whoknowswhocares · 27/08/2013 14:18

Life is too damn short to do things you know you will hate. Especially as you will end up spending your hard earnt cash on it!
Say anything that will get you out of it even the truth if necessary!
Just don't go.

LoopyLupo · 27/08/2013 14:41

Instead of implying people are liers why don't you google? It's taken me two minutes to find Aldi's free range chicken on their website.

Do you think free range is only avaliable in Waitrose or Farm shops? Or from Bob next door?

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