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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with dh

37 replies

Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 18:57

Don't usually do Aibu as I'm a bit scared of it but here goes...
As a bank holiday treat we decided to order a Chinese takeaway banquet and the kids were looking forward to it. We laid the main dining table instead of our usual on the knee or kitchen table. Ds1 even made name places!
We had just sat down when our neighbour knocked on the door. Dh went to answer it an I expected he woul say we were eating. No, he stood chatting at the door for 10 minutes then came back in looking sheepish. He had told them he'd run them to the pub! Right in the middle of our meal!
He was gone another 10 minutes and by the time he got back ds2 and 3 had had enough to eat, got bored and wondered off.
I am sick of trying to organise nice family time for it all to go tits up.
Aibu to have expected dh to say we were in the middle of dinner and they would have to wait or find another way of getting there?

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 25/08/2013 19:00

YANBU

next time, don't let him answer the door. Did he even tell them he was about to eat?

Bruthastortoise · 25/08/2013 19:01

You're DH was completely rude and disrespectful to you and the DC. Is he normally like this? An "outside" people pleaser? You are absolutely NBU to be upset and he owes you all an apology and more.

Bruthastortoise · 25/08/2013 19:01

*Your!!

MortifiedAdams · 25/08/2013 19:01

At least he looked sheepish.

Dont sweat the small.stuff.

Justforlaughs · 25/08/2013 19:03

Was there any left for your DH? In my house we'd have eaten it all Wink
YANBU.
Out of interest, does your neighbour often ring your doorbell to ask for a lift to the pub? I can't imagine doing that - and we do get on well with our neighbours possibly because none of us would do it Confused

Silverfoxballs · 25/08/2013 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fancies40Winks · 25/08/2013 19:03

Him fucking off down the pub in the middle of a special family treat dinner isn't small stuff, imo it's incredibly disrespectful to his family. I would be absolutely fuming.

PuppyMonkey · 25/08/2013 19:04

I think your neighbours sound quite cheeky too. Do they often get you to give them lifts to pubs etc?

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:04

He apparently said we were having a Chinese but I don't think he made it clear we were having it right now!
I know it's only a bloody takeaway but I am upset that it was ruined.
I feel like I'm the only person who cares whether we all spend time together...

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 25/08/2013 19:04

YANBU to be a bit annoyed.

I might cut him some slack if I thought he was trying to be helpful and had not thought through the consequences - does he find it hard to say no to people?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 25/08/2013 19:05

This is part of a bigger picture is it?

PuppyMonkey · 25/08/2013 19:05

Could murder a Chinese now,is it just me? Grin

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:06

To be fair to the neighbours, they are lovely, very helpful and friends of ours. They would do the same for us. I dot think he knocked to ask for a lift actually and it wouldn't even surprise me if dh offered!
I sometimes think he'd much rather do nice things for other people.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 25/08/2013 19:06

Yeah I'd be annoyed at that.

LEMisdisappointed · 25/08/2013 19:09

I'd be annoyed, but its just the sort of thing my DP would do - because he is kind and doesn't know how to say know

VisualCharades · 25/08/2013 19:09

yanbu.

nb i like the term outside-people pleaser. i have these annoying tendencies too but having a name for it will shame me out of it now.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 25/08/2013 19:09

Is he kind to you?

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:10

Not sure if it is part of a bigger picture Jamie. He was probably just being thoughtless and maybe I didn't spell out that it was a special meal (although the table and place names might have given him a clue!)
He is a people pleaser and I think he sometimes takes us for granted (unintentionally)
He is very lovely in many, many ways and his kindness is one thing I love but he is so bloody frustrating too...

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 25/08/2013 19:10

or no even!!!Blush

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:10

Plenty left here puppy, I got indigestion and couldn't eat any more...

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 25/08/2013 19:12

Ah you've got a DH who will do anything to please anyone, except when it comes to pleasing you. One of those 'nice guys'... Everyone thinks he's wonderful but when it comes to home, partner and children, well they're always at the bottom of the list.

I'd be pissed off too if I were you.

MortifiedAdams · 25/08/2013 19:12

He didnt 'feck off down the pub' he dropped the neighbours at the pub. Not saying he is perfect but honestly, getting all uppity about it - well, Ill bet half the people on the Relationships board wish this was their bigest problem.

Your dcs were done with the food and bored wothin ten mins.

Sounds to me like you were the only person makibg this meal a Big Event.

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:14

He is kind to me Jamie, although he can be thoughtless. He is very supportive and a fantastic dad but he doesn't often do things for us spontaneously. I justed wanted a nice family evening, eat together, talk, put ds3 to bed and maybe play a board game or something with the other two. Just a change from tv and play stations and xboxs and bloody iPads!

OP posts:
MintyChops · 25/08/2013 19:16

Very irritating so YANBU but try not to let it fester for the evening.

Original poster
Barbarashop · 25/08/2013 19:16

20 minutes mortified and they are quite small. Ds1 had made place settings and was really looking forward to it.

OP posts: