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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my DS (10) to keep his mouth shut when he's eating?

37 replies

TrueStory · 25/08/2013 16:06

We have argued about this on-and-off for 5 years.

And I flew off the handle today, seriously, the noise was deafening, and I am sick of seeing churning food. It makes such an awful sound ...

I have always given him some benefit of the doubt, because he has a mild dust-mite allergy (not asthma) and I have wondered if he can't breathe properly through his nose, when he's eating.

However, on strict instructions today to close his mouth whatever the reason Blush he did actually manage it!

Could this be a valid reason, or is my son just being lazy and rude and I should insist on it? I am a confused.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 25/08/2013 16:10

That would annoy me too! It winds me up in DS and he is only 3

JollyHappyGiant · 25/08/2013 16:11

I can't eat with my mouth closed a lot of the time. My nose is regularly blocked.

Yabu.

Original poster
TrueStory · 25/08/2013 16:13

Well, Sirzy, I remember my mother telling me when I was young to keep my mouth closed when eating. IT was a few times only, but I managed it, and that was the end of it.

I am totally confused and frustrated as to why my (now) 10 year old son cannot manage it. Could it be medical, honestly I am totally confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
TrueStory · 25/08/2013 16:15

Understood Jolly, but I have never sat with an adult who cannot close their mouth whilst eating on a constant basis, not even adults with asthma.

I am prepared to be flamed and corrected. But most of all I would just really like to know, and put this to bed once and for all ...

OP posts:
WildThongsHeartString · 25/08/2013 16:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable, it's just good manners to close your mouth when chewing.

Coconutty · 25/08/2013 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 25/08/2013 16:19

Surely he can hold his breath for as long as it takes to chew a mouthful, although I'm sure Giant will tell me otherwise.

This is going to be like one of those threads about holing cutlery correctly. Posters will become incredibly defensive about not doing it correctly.

Personally, I think a parent should do everything possible to encourage correct table manners. We would't let our DC grow up not reading or writing properly, and I think table manners are an essential life skill.

(And yes, I have a Dyslexic DC, but I will do my utmost to ensure she can read or write properly).

FranSanDisco · 25/08/2013 16:19

DD 12 yo does this - it's so annoying. She laughs when I tell her to eat with her mouth closed Angry Grin.

SueDoku · 25/08/2013 16:22

I feel your pain True - the mantle of irritation has now passed to my DIL, who is still trying to get my DS to close his mouth when he chews - I tried for 25 years and couldn't manage it Blush (and I did persist - honest)
He had rhinitis as a child, and always blamed his awful eating on not being able to breathe, then when it finally cleared up, he'd developed the habit, and is still doing it... Angry

Yonihadtoask · 25/08/2013 16:23

Yanbu op.

Bad eating habits give me the rage.

How will your DS learn If you don't teach him?
I used to work in an office.my well groomed, professional, intelligent colleagu made me Shock the first time I saw and heard her eat lunch. I judged her.

squoosh · 25/08/2013 16:24

YANBU

I cannot stand to be near people who eat with their mouths open, it's absolutely vile. I suffer from loads of nose blocking allergies too but it has never prevented me from managing to eat properly.

Keep at him, it will be worth it.

stayathomegardener · 25/08/2013 16:25

If it helps I have dust allergy/Asthma etc and sometimes struggle to breathe through my nose but always manage to eat with my mouth closed.
A consequence of this is occasionally I don't always time my breathing right and inhale something which means some spluttering/coughing.
DD is the same and I have insisted she eats with her mouth closed,dose so now unconsciously.

Might be worth looking up the Butako ?spelling method for clearing blocked noses,works for me.

Original poster
TrueStory · 25/08/2013 16:35

Well, this is helpful information-wise. On what posters have said, may really have to lay the law down (but honestly have tried to do so in the past, and totally puzzled why it has not taken effect, and I think he can breathe fairly OK, its not like he has any obvious problems).

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 25/08/2013 16:44

I have a twisted septum and completed fucked up the cartilage in my nose after an accident, so I really cannot breathe well at all and I still manage to chew with my mouth closed. If people with blocked noses struggle, then take smaller mouthfuls so chewing time is less. Nothing grosser than enjoying a meal and seeing someone's food churning round their mouth like a washing machine.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2013 16:53

A former colleague of mine eats with her mouth open and talks with her mouth full.
For some reason, I'm always the one sitting opposite. Sad

Makes me feel sick and I have to keep trying to look away. Do your son a favour and get him cured of it now.

It's not annoying - it's revolting, and as he gets older people will judge.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2013 16:55

Oh, and I didn't lay the law down with my DC. I sat with them for every meal and nagged and nagged until their table manners were at a standard I expected.

Youhaventseenme · 25/08/2013 16:56

My DS tried this crappy behaviour when he was about 7, every time he did it we took the food away and only returned it when he agreed to eat without showing his food off to the world.

We also invited my parents to dinner, tipped them off as to what we were going to do, and DH and I shovelled the chicken curry in and I mean shovelled, and then proceeded to to chew noisily and with our mouths wide open. He was mortified and kept hissing Mummmmmm - Daddddddd my parents asked him why he was calling us on behaviour he kept telling us was acceptable. Grin

Never happened again after that, it is sheer laziness. Angry

He also got rapped on the back of the knuckles for not holding his knife and fork properly. Not hard but defo consistent.

He also does not put his elbows on the table whilst eating.

He went away on a school trip and was sent home with a message from his HOY, tell your Mum and Dad you have beautiful manners.

Leeds2 · 25/08/2013 17:01

As long as he has no medical problem, I think you are right to keep on at him about it. He will thank you one day! I remember a girl at secondary school being teased mercilessly by a group of boys about how she ate with her mouth open. She was mortified, as no one had ever picked her up on it before.

Wallison · 25/08/2013 17:02

I agree that you need to lay the law down. If it helps at all, I have a fucked-up septum and on top of that suffer very badly from hay fever which lasts from May through to October and I still manage to eat with my mouth closed. I cannot stand to see people eating with their mouths open, not even children once they get past the toddler stage. My own dad has very bad table manners - he will actually hear something, then take a mouthful of food, and then reply straightaway, immediately after shoving something in his gob. I cannot begin to describe how many kinds of nuts this drives me. Also have a friend who not only smacks her mouth open but also makes a little humming sound each time her lips meet - mmm-smack, mmm-smack, mmm-smack, like that, all the way through the meal. I have to physically restrain myself around her. You don't want your son to have that effect on people around him.

Original poster
TrueStory · 25/08/2013 17:04

All taken on board, thank you Wink

OP posts:
Sticklebug · 25/08/2013 17:06

YANBU. I hate this and I agree that I do judge people who eat with their mouths open - or even worse, talk with their mouths full of food. My MIL does this and it drives me crazy. She is well brought up - went to a private convent school and a stickler for all other manners....but constantly talks with her mouth full of food!!!

It was v hard when teaching my 2 - as I got 'but nanny talks with food in her mouth' - and followed by a classic when my DS was about 4 of - 'and sometimes the food gets all spitty and comes out of her mouth'!!

She is 71, so unlikely to change now - but my 2 would never do the same...

Strokethefurrywall · 25/08/2013 17:10

I'm an adult with asthma and I currently have a blocked nose - I'm munching on toast as I type and I can assure you I have my mouth closed!!!

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 25/08/2013 17:19

YANBU. It's disgusting and I don't tolerate it with my children who are above the age when they can have reasonable table manners.

Nanny0gg · 25/08/2013 17:21

In fact, re-reading your header - I would be telling him, not asking him!

Sticklebug · 25/08/2013 17:29

I agree with the calmly taking food away advice. Do not let him eat unless his mouth is closed. But extra pud if he does?

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