To think a no kids wedding should mean no kids at all?

[CardiffUniversityNetballTeam]

Friend is getting married. Invite says no kids. Fair enough. But her DC will be there. And her nieces and nephews. But no one else can bring their children as it will mean there are "too many".
How many kids is too many kids? Where do we draw the line? And what about DC to whom she is godmother? And what about teenagers? What is the cut off point? 13? 18?
Fucking weddings.

It's that age old nightmare!

I have no family babysitters on tap so it invariably means only one of us can go to a wedding where kids aren't invited.

I would stomach it fine if it wasn't for other people using it as an excuse to have a go and guests posting the pics all over FB to rub in what a fun time you missed!

Crock of shite. I think kids make a wedding personally!

I think it is understandable. And she made it clear ahead of time so you can accept and arrange a babysitter or politely decline.

Personally I think weddings are multi generational all inclusive events celebrating the cycle of life, there should be children there.

Even if mine had only one baby, because I got married pretty young and my career orientated cousins didn't have DCs until they were older.

I think kids make a wedding personally!

I think the bride and groom make a wedding, personally.

The bride and groom can choose to invite a bucket load of monkeys if they so wish, it's not up yo you!

I've been to weddings with my DD and without. I know which I enjoyed more!

I don't understand this upset regarding children... Weddings are costly affairs and can be never ending and then with lots of kids entertainment usually need to be provided....

I once attended a wedding that was ruined by kids running amok.

Use it as an opportunity to have a night off and let your hair down. Or, dont go but it is their right to choose who they want and don't want to attend.

I was quiet impressed with a friends wedding invite that explained that it was family children only BUT if you where prepared to pay for your child's food then they could come BUT the church only held 100 ish people and some would have to wait outside.

(the reception and evening do was in a big marquee in a field)

OP - "AIBU?"
Most MNers - "YABU"
OP - "I agree, IABU"
Another bunch of MNers "YABU and...."

RTFT!

candycoatedwaterdrops

I hadn't realised that the discussion had to stop at a specific point.
Maybe you should police all of threads to let us know when the thread should stop.

Thanks for all these responses.

Weddings seem to be such a minefield don't they? I absolutely hold my hands up and say I was being precious in my OP. I am going to go and enjoy the day and try not to drink too much!

I stand by my decision never to get married myself though. Far too stressful.

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam

This
"Weddings seem to be such a minefield don't they?"

I think is the key part.

If you are having a wedding you have to resign yourself to the fact that somebody is not going to be happy and that will sometimes includes the bride and groom.

BoneyBack I didn't say anyone had to stop the discussion but continuing to beat someone with a stick makes them look very silly when the OP has changed her mind.

Well done, Cardiff, for realising YWBU.

You can go to a registry office, take a few photos afterwards and then go home, or have a meal out with a few people. It doesn't have to be a big stressful event.

I suppose I had a "child-free wedding" though I kind of thought it was just a wedding lol. We had under 12 guests in total, none of my friends had dc at that time and the only child in my family was my niece, whose mum decided not to come (living abroad and pregnant) so there were no children there. It certainly wasn't "joyless".

But when people choose not to invite children they also have to accept that some of the adults they would like to be there may be unable to come as a result.

Dh and I were invited to the wedding of two friends of ours. They explained, very apologetically, that they couldn't invite our children, because the venue only had a certain amount of space, and if they included people's children, they'd only be able to invite about half the adults (their actual friends/relatives) who they wanted there. They said that there would be some children there - bridesmaids, some close family, but it never occurred to me to be miffed that some children were invited, but my precious children weren't.

We found childcare for the boys, and had a lovely, child-free day at the wedding. It was great.

MN Headlines:

CardiffUni in "You're right, I'm wrong" AIBU shocker.

Is this a first?

An OP who has graciously and comprehensively changed her view in light of MNers responses?

You couldn't enforce a no kids rule at an Asian wedding, they would just ignore you! It is regarded as an alien and rude custom, people would look at you as if you had grown two heads. It is on a par with expecting your guests to pay for their own meals at your wedding. Not the done thing at all, it would cause generational feuds!

My brother who got married in NYC invited 2 out of my 3 DCs. Not sure what he thought I was going to do with a 2 year old. Actually he thought I'd go to NYC without the whole family and didn't understand why I'd not be delighted at the opportunity to have a break. He is a complete twat and I should have told him to fuck off but we went. DH spent the day with dd and we spent a bloody fortune. Then we got a babysitter for the evening do. Believe me that event redefined joyless for me.
Do what suits you best op

I am currently organising my own wedding and am having these dilemmas too.

if I invite all the children I would be looking at about 40 kids and 100 adults. out of those children, I have met 5. the rest are the children of my dp's work colleagues and uni friends.

I don't want to invite completely unknown children to my wedding, because of the extra numbers and cost and also I have no idea about their behaviour.

as a result, we are probably going to say babies only. which means my goddaughter and her brother won't be able to come. i'm really sad about this but there's not much else I can do.

I think I'd include my godchildren in the invitations BigKids. I certainly understand if people invited theirs and not my DDs.

I don't really understand this confusion tbh, it's your wedding and it's up to you what you do and who you invite bigKids.
Just politely explain on the invites that it's a child free wedding, much like the explanation SDT got on her wedding invite.....I certainly wouldn't want a lot of children I didn't know there, but no way would I want any children dear to me not there, iykwim....good luck

People saying childfree weddings are joyless must have really dull family and friends.

Ours was (virtually) childfree. My niece was a bridesmaid and was picked up after the speeches (actually it was during the speeches as they overran :D ) I would have invited my husband's niece and nephew too but their parents told me not to :D

It wasn't a huge flashy affair but the venue held a finite number of people and had we invited all our guests' children we wouldn't have been able to onvite the guests we wanted. There were a few people we would have liked to invite and didn't as it was.

One thing it certainly wasn't was joyless.

if a person had their own children then they would probably like children and wouldn't mind having them at their wedding.

Hahahahahaha.

Really?

Someone who has children therefore likes children? Nope.

Someone who likes children therefore wants all their friends' children at their wedding? Nope.

Children take up spaces that could be filled by people who are actually your friends. Children of your friends are not themselves your friends.

I had a no children wedding last year. Dhs children werent even invited. No one didnt come because their children werent invited.

I think if you exclude children you have to accept some of your guests wont be able to come. Completely child free weddings are odd if a lot of the guests have children or 'important' guests such as your family have children.

But, and I am genrally interested to know MN opinions as this may become important for me fairly soon, what about:
older (10+) children you have never met
children you don't like (assuming you are not related to them and they dont belong to the groomsmen or bridesmaids)
children who's parents you know would enjoy it more without them

Also - if your children's names arent on the invite, would you assume they are invited? I dont understand the need to say 'no children' - surely you just don't invite them.

I am a teacher so clearly like children and am looking forward to having them at my wedding (if I have one!). But I know quite a few people with children - do I really need to invite all of them?

Sorry, bit of a cross post with bigkids!