To think a no kids wedding should mean no kids at all?

[CardiffUniversityNetballTeam]

Friend is getting married. Invite says no kids. Fair enough. But her DC will be there. And her nieces and nephews. But no one else can bring their children as it will mean there are "too many".
How many kids is too many kids? Where do we draw the line? And what about DC to whom she is godmother? And what about teenagers? What is the cut off point? 13? 18?
Fucking weddings.

[Mojavewonderer]

Why would you invite a bunch of kids you didn't know to your wedding? It's the same as inviting a bunch of adults you didn't know.
If it was cost I wouldn't want to exclude family and friends without kids so my family & friends with kids can come and bring their kids just so they get a family day out together.
If you feel put out because they haven't invited your kids (its not personal obviously) then don't go but most people relish a day out to a wedding and having a drink without the little ones about because its like a date with your husband or partner and all romantic.

[mrsjay]

this is not a recent thing. i remember my parents attending loads of weddings. i went to my first wedding aged 17.

I think i was about 15 before i went to a wedding I think no children was the norm,

[mrsjay]

dd just made the age limited last year for a wedding there was a no under13s thing which is fair enough I think

[BlahBlahWhatever]

Im going to a wedding soon that only the older two of my four children are invited. That's fine cause the three and four year old would be bored and will find soft play with granny much better fun.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Reduce the guests to accommodate more children? Um..no.

We had a child free wedding apart from one newborn.

[mrsjay]

I had a child free wedding they could come to the reception if they wanted nobody brought their kids and a friend took dd1 home in the evening,

[Ireallymustbemad]

I had a no kids wedding, except my DSDs. Is that reasonable???

Very few of our friends had children so it didn't impact many at all. I think it has to be no kids, family kids or all kids. I think you can make those distinctions and most people would understand.

[ILetHimKeep20Quid]

But for every friend she wants to invite why should she have to include their offspring along with their partner who she might not be that close to?

[Chocolatehunter]

We wanted a wedding where only family children attended but on the day two sets of parents decided to bring their babies anyway, without telling us. Thankfully it added to the day and whenever they cried the parents were very swift in taking them outside of the room. It did mean that at least one parent was sober and they left early but that was their choice and I would have rathered those friends be there with their children than not be there at all.

[Panzee]

I think if you're worried about offending guests just don't invite anyone off of MN. There's so many ways to get offended about guest lists, children, presents, evening dos, outfits, venues etc etc that I never knew about till I came here! :o

[mrsjay]

me either panzee who knew there was SO much to be offended about

[Pigsmummy]

I think you have to be sensible when it comes to the guest list. If I had included all of my cousins children my cousin element alone would be over 100, before any other family, friends or DH side! So I included first cousins and their partners, children only where they where babes in arms or in some cases older SN children, I included all nieces and nephews. If people where offended they didn't say. I had a friend with a baby who chose not to bring baby.

You can't expect a couple to include everyones children over adult guests.

[Ilovemyself]

YABVU. People don't set the invite list just to piss people off. Family is family. They will be family long after so called friends have flounced off into the distance over a wedding invite ........

[BlehPukeVomit]

YABU - I think it's fine.

[Lweji]

I'm sure at every wedding, party, etc, someone will be offended by something but will STFU.
We only get to hear about it here on MN.

Remember that no one can please everybody at the same time.
It will save you grief both as a guest and as an organiser.

[reelingintheyears]

Of course she's going to take her own children, nieces and nephews too, that doesn't mean she has to ask yours.

[Pigsmummy]

It doesn't always come down to cost btw, try finding a venue that can host large (over 150) weddings!

[Mia4]

I'm glad you realise it's unreasonable OP and factor in the cost and likely reduced adult guest list if all children are invited. Your friend probably has agonised over this, though personally myself I would have told my close friends in advance of the invites that we were only inviting family children.

My friend had a 'no relation cf wedding' had she not she would have looked at around 60 extra guests (the kids) and since affordabiltilty and venue size only allowed a certain amount it meant bumping half those friends off the guest list. They could have chosen another venue or spent shit loads but why should they. They had a lovely day in the holiday inn which was within their budget. They did tell friends in advance what they were doing and confided that they were sad to leave off children they were very close to who weren't family but the pure drama and angry feelings that would have come if they'd allowed 'certain children' just wasn't worth the stress.

The cut off point will always be: affordibility, venue size, guest list and in some cases, childs behaviour. Some parents let their kids run rampant, my cousin is bad proof of that, hence why my sister did not invite her children. She and her husband allowed their children to run screaming up and down the aisle at one wedding, yank on the bride's dress as she walked down the aisle, throw their dinner around, make loud demands and throw tantrums when not met (they just stood their trying to bride them rather then remove them from the room or take them to their own).

As someone said wedding stress comes from two sources- the wedding party or the guests. I never get why people get really furious if they don't like their wedding invite-just don't go, I understand the upset but fury-no. Same as brides/groom who get narky when people can't make it to stags/hens/wedding-it's an invite, not jury duty.

People have their own lives, that goes for guests and the bride/groom- different situations, different perspectives, different priorities.

I do expect one thing OP, I expect their will be at least one none family child at the wedding-not because they've been invited but because some people really are so self absorbed and entitled that, instead of cancelling, they'll do what suits them. Probably annoying the majority of other guests who have cancelled or found care.

[Mumblepot26]

YABU

[Mia4]

And on the subject of 'joyless', i know a lot of parents who enjoy the CF wedding and love the day because it is CF and they have no distraction from enjoyment with their friends/family. So not everyone finds it joyless.I can certainly say the wedding my cousins kids misbehaved at was less joyless and more stressful for everyone given their poor behaviour and my cousins crappy discipline so having kids doesn't equal joyful all the time.

[elinorbellowed]

Think its really common, just been to a wedding where the only kids were mine, (pageboy and flower girl) and the niece and nephews of the couple. There were also 2 babes in arms. For space more than money they couldn't have invited everyone's kids. I would want families there, because I view marriage as being about creating families, but it wasn't my wedding. I love toddlers on the dance floor, but it wasn't my wedding.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

fluffyraggies Sun 25-Aug-13 10:05:41
I think many couples are hung up on the big flashy do with bells and whistles - then find they cannot afford to have half the people they'd like to invite to join them. So then they try to chop the numbers by saying 'leave the kids at home please'. Invite half the family. I think it's sad

I know it's your day, your rules etc. But if you can't afford to have it all, and invite a whole families, then either have a tiny 'boutique' wedding, or a big cheap knees up

Do you not think that people have a child free wedding because that's what they want rather than that's what they can afford?

We had a child free day by choice. We didnt have an expensive wedding.

I'm not insulted if DS doesn't get an invite to a wedding, we're quite capable of functioning as a couple for the day. To be honest it's not very relaxing taking an 18 month to a wedding as he wants to run around all the time, although I'd miss him terribly.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Are you suggesting she is not allowed to invite her own children because yours are not allowed to go? Do you always think the world revolves around you?

[FacebookWanker]

If all our friends and family bring their children there will be 40+ children there so I've been agonising over how to invite family children only + children of my maid of honor. Especially as DH wants all his friends to bring their children. I just don't know how we're going to accommodate them all without it turning in to a circus.