To cut my parents off over this?

[Notkeenonzumba]

I've namechanged as this post might make me identifiable to family and friends.

Basically I am at my wit's end with my parents and think I am going to have to cut them off. I have recently tried to talk to them about the following issues but they have, as predicted, gone off in a big sulk and I'm the bad guy. I've had enough of it.

They weren't very nice to me as a child and favoured my sister and in adulthood they still favour her and her children. My children get treated like second class citizens. My parents constantly buy presents for my sister's children and always look after them for her. If my sister is ill my parents are straight round to her house every day, doing everything for her. They don't even reply if I ever say I've not been well, and will only have my children if it suits them (ie for their own agenda), never if I need any support or help.Once they refused to have my kids for a couple of hours when I was very poorly with a migraine, as they were going over to my sister's house to help her clean her kitchen.

When they have my children they bad mouth my DH and I to them, saying things like DH and I are stupid, and that we don't choose nice clothes for them. My dad also has a foul temper and bellows at the kids sometimes if he's in a bad mood (he did to me as a child and I was terrified of him). My mum criticises everything. Nothing I ever do with my kids is good enough. It's starting to get that I get panicky if we are going to my mum's house and, for example, DD's hair isn't in a ponytail, as I know my mum will moan.

Also, my mum always undermines me in front of my kids. She ignores me and seems to want to make a little clique up where I am excluded. She has an attitude of 'just ignore stupid mummy' when she is around.

Like I said, I have tried to talk to them and they pulled the old health problems card with me and said I cause them nothing but stress, and now they are sulking. I just cannot be bothered with it all anymore :(

oh? I don't know what you mean wobbly ?? (genuinely confused)

We all know how raw and sensitive this is and hearty debate yesterday- i hope i didn't offend anyone but like everyone was speaking my view from my OWN experience. Certainly don't wish to drive anyone from OP's thread!

I actually read Springy's post completely differently- she seemed to be trying to end any argument, to be a peacemaker not to take sides or attack anyone.

heartily confused now

I suppose I did bridle at The Golden Child is worse off , though I really do appreciate what MC meant: neither gets a good deal, both are absolutely dreadful. But I can't honestly agree that the GC is worse off.

However.... my father once said to me 'doesn't matter what shit you fall into, you come up smelling of roses'. He sneered it - to this day I can't think of one positive thing my father said to me, but this stands out. Although he didn't mean it positively, it stuck in a positive way iyswim. My guess is that the GC receives endless positive affirmations - with a toxic agenda, of course, that causes untold damage.

Not competing here (or trying not to, anyway) but I wouldn't have minded a few more of those 'positive' affirmations, instead of the constant soul-lacerating sneers, innuendo, bullying that really did form my view of myself in an extremely negative light. I genuinely, from my heart, thought I was the lowest of the low. It has taken years of therapy - not least because of hideous relationships and life-choices etc - to address it. I can honestly say that it wasn't until my 40s that I finally got it that I wasn't a piece of shit.

I 'know' and know you are a lovely person , but when people post for the first time they are quite scared, so any 'robust' reply makes them very nervous.

I think it took a lot for that poster to say that being the goody two shoes was absolute hell.

Bottom line is that narcissist parents ARE hell. Whether you are their dumping ground or they think you make them the shining light.

alright then, I'll take a re-look but only because you said I am a lovely person - complete tart for compliments, me

Am hovering and feeling guilty as my replies were both robust and heartfelt! Didn't know mc was first-tomer or quite understand why she felt need to leave, but then words on a page never convey full meaning, always more open to misinterpretation than actual talking. This may be her thing rather than Springy's thing though, if that makes sense? We're all entitled to walk from a thread if it triggers something, however unintentionally.

nope, sorry, still not getting it . How was it MC's first post - do you know her/met her on another board?

this place is pretty robust - that is the joy of it in a lot of ways. I remember scurrying off from posts/threads back in the day... but I got over it, got more hardy.

I have a friend who is the scapegoat and, get this, she bullies the GC mercilessly - it makes me uncomfortable and I don't see her often because of it.

I suppose (thinking out loud) the GC is seduced. Whereas the scapegoat is savagely kicked. Both hideously damaging, both a headfuck in their own way: not loved for who they are but what they represent.