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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that jumping to a person's defense

94 replies

MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 10:12

Is very noble and all that but is very irritating at the same time.

I can fight my own battles, have my own disagreements, make my own judgements and don't particularly welcome others butting in in a misguided attempt to 'stick up for me'.

I see it quite a bit on here between posters. One will appear on a thread out of nowhere and contribute nothing to the conversation orher than some random comment in defense of their friend.

Why? Leave people to have their own discussions/ disagreements. smells of sucking up to me

OP posts:
Rooners · 24/08/2013 10:50

I don't know if it's the thread you're talking about but I lost it on one this morning. I wasn't ganging up with anyone else - I don't 'know' or feel any sort of kinship with anyone else there.

I had read the thread and was appalled at the things one poster was saying. So I shouted at her.

I generally try and intervene if I think someone is being hugely offensive.

I don't think this amounts to 'sucking up' - it's not a thing I'm doing in order to gain favour with anyone. It's purely an act of hostility on my part to something I find abhorrent. Whoever else is saying the same/watching/reading my comments. I don't care much about that.

HTH

usualsuspect · 24/08/2013 10:51

See I could have jumped in to defend you from the spelling police,there.

But I decided to.let you fight your own battle.

Nanny0gg · 24/08/2013 10:52

I just wade in when I feel like it. I don't have any friends on here so that has nothing to do with it.

It's a public forum not a private conversation so I just say what I want to say.

usualsuspect · 24/08/2013 10:52

And this kindle is putting odd commas and full stops all over the bloody place Hmm

Rooners · 24/08/2013 10:52

Oh and nearly every time I have been flamed/attacked on any thread, I have stood alone. I can count on one hand the times someone has come along and said, look, fuck off and leave her alone.

Mostly people just tend to back away slowly.

It sometimes makes me feel very much like I'm on my own on here. I think folk are wary of stepping in.

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 10:55

Rooners I am talking generally.
Usual Well done! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 10:58

Oh and nearly every time I have been flamed/attacked on any thread, I have stood alone. I can count on one hand the times someone has come along and said, look, fuck off and leave her alone.
I don't mind standing alone! Maybe I'm just argumentative!
I do get the point though.

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 10:58

I'm not quite sure I understand the issue here.

I think it's because you don't like people coming in half way through a thread just to support someone being picked on, whether they agree with that particular person on this particular issue or not. Is that right?

If you are saying you don't think people should show support for a particular poster on a thread then I don't agree with you. If I agree with someone, or disagree, then I want to be able to say so.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 24/08/2013 10:58

I don't have any friends on here or in RL and generally lurk, but if I see someone getting an unjustified kicking it angers me all up and I feel the need to post in their defence.

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 10:59

bowler: I think it's because you don't like people coming in half way through a thread just to support someone being picked on, whether they agree with that particular person on this particular issue or not. Is that right?
Yes this ^

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 24/08/2013 11:06

Half way through a thread? but they may not have been reading from the very start.

Are people only allowed to post on a thread if they do so from the start of it?

I can understand you not wanting people to 'stick up' for you and the 'friends pile in' can be annoying, but sometimes if someone is being seemingly unfairly kicked then quite a few people will feel compelled to say something.

I do hate the brown nosing displayed sometimes, but you will always get that sort of thing.

Bowlersarm · 24/08/2013 11:08

Then I agree with you!

Each thread should be a discussion it's own right. It's an irrelevance to the thread if people are coming on just to say 'leave x alone, she's a great person'. If you are coming on to agree with x's point of view then fine.

Pagwatch · 24/08/2013 11:12

I find this all weird tbh.

I open mn. I click on threads in active conversations.
I have no idea who will be posting. I recognise names or not. I post according to the content.

I have never sent a message to someone saying 'come to this thread'
I have never had a message saying 'come to this thread'

Rooners · 24/08/2013 11:13

I disagree.

In the example I cited earlier, I had been reading but not thought of an awful lot to post. It didn't mean I wasn't following it or interested or aware of the context.

How is that 'sucking up'?

Rooners · 24/08/2013 11:14

x posts.

Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 11:15

Each thread should be a discussion it's own right. It's an irrelevance to the thread if people are coming on just to say 'leave x alone, she's a great person'. If you are coming on to agree with x's point of view then fine.
This ^

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsLouisTheroux · 24/08/2013 11:16

Pagwatch
I have Angry

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 24/08/2013 11:19

Ok. A bit Confused about the angry face but I'll plough on.

It is weird, isn't it? Why would anyone do that?

Is the angry face because it infuriates you. Did you tell them it was inappropriate?

usualsuspect · 24/08/2013 11:20

If you are talking about the thread I think youu are, any decent poster would have jumped in to defend the OP.

0utnumbered · 24/08/2013 11:21

As others have said, on a public forum 'sticking up' for someone is more defending that opinion than that person usually

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 11:21

I don't know anyone here either, but I would speak up if they were getting an unjustified kicking. I do think it's more like Rooners has suggested, that people tend to back away unless the poster is one of the group who set the brown nosing brigade off.

IslaValargeone · 24/08/2013 11:23

That being said, I probably avoid most contentious threads anyway.
I don't come here for a fight.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 24/08/2013 11:26

I think it's a great thing, people with a it of compassion and empathy coming together to stand up to the AIBU arseholes tbh

catinabox · 24/08/2013 11:30

how weird.

I couldn't give a toss if someone jumps in to defend someone or whatever they say.

I don't think of people on here as friends as I haven't met any of them in real life and therefore don't think that this internet forum is subject to the same rules as the office or social group or whatever.

Am i missing something to think that this is a really weird post and that getting offended by other, anonymous internet users online behaviour is really weird?

SarahAndFuck · 24/08/2013 11:31

I don't know anybody on here in RL, but if I think someone is being given a hard time without good reason I will say so.

But I know what you are talking about here OP, I've been on the receiving end a few times.

Once for asking what I feel was a valid question to the OP. She instantly got very defensive and her friends got involved posting nasty comments to me.

They were accusing me of all sorts and even started another thread about me that MNHQ had to step in and remove because the things they were accusing me off were not true.

To be fair to the OP, she was very upset about something she had every right to be upset about. But I think her friends involvement stopped her seeing the wood for the trees and they all took it out on me for asking one question in a post that was otherwise in full agreement. And I think they managed to make the situation worse for both of us by doing it.

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