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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu in thinking its not 'desperate' asking if people want to come along to something, on FB?

56 replies

watchforthesnail · 24/08/2013 07:47

there is a gig i wanted to go to, very close to my home ( walking distance) and cheap. Im a lone parent, so dont automatically have anyone to drag along with me to these things. I stuck a ' does anyone want to come to...' on my fb and then added a comment and named those who i thought it might be there thing, so they would see it.

Someone commented saying i looked desperate.

that was a bit shit i thought, and until they said that i didnt think anything bad of it......

OP posts:

musicismylife · 24/08/2013 08:08

Op, I did this on fb but private messaged those who I thought would want to go x

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 24/08/2013 08:10

Tell him not to worry, he wasn't on your list of people you wanted to spend an evening with.

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 24/08/2013 08:10

no, his name wasnt on this list of people who i thought might be interested.
And i do now have some people to go with :)

and yep,i thought it more efficient than calling/ texting everyone.

OP posts:

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 24/08/2013 08:13

Defriend and block maybe he was upset at not being invited

NoelHeadbands · 24/08/2013 08:13

What a wanker, is he a social inadequate?

That's how you find out who wants to go anywhere, like ringing round but quicker and for free

Shenanagins · 24/08/2013 08:17

He sounds like the desperate one whilst you sound like the one with a cool social life.

Delilahlilah · 24/08/2013 08:19

I thought as much... Tbh I would either change him to restricted and limit what he can see (think this stops him writing on your wall too) or remove from friends. What a prick! Have a great night, and forget him

kungfupannda · 24/08/2013 08:24

Doesn't sound desperate to me. He does sound like a twat though.

It would only be desperate if you then did what an old housemate of mine does all the time, and post an open invitation to an event, followed by a massive rant about no-one bothering to take her up on it, followed by a martyred status about how she tries to be kind and nice to people and no-one ever returns the favour and she has no friends and everyone is selfish.

This would probably be very sad - if she wasn't out at social events (clearly with other people, judging from the discussions on her wall about the "amazing time last night" and "let's do it again soon") about 5 times a week!

She also comments on other people's posts about social events (even if it's just drinks in the pub with a couple of people she knows very slightly) and demands to know why she wasn't invited.

So as long as you didn't do that, YWDNBU!

bluewavesatsea · 24/08/2013 08:24

I wouldn't have tagged people, personally, if only because if no one then took me up on it I would feel a bit stupid but that's me and my insecurities!

Dobbiesmum · 24/08/2013 08:27

FB gets slagged off a lot but this is one of the times when it comes into it's own I think. Have done this a few times and never had a desperate comment!
It has it's uses, this is one of them. YANBU.

ElaineVintage · 24/08/2013 08:50

No not desperate at all. And get rid of that 'friend' pronto

MadameJosephine · 24/08/2013 08:54

'not desperate enough to stay friends with you!' and Delete

Solaia · 24/08/2013 08:59

Complete twat, delete him. Hope you have a great time at the gig!

FreudiansSlipper · 24/08/2013 09:00

of course it is not its just a way of messaging a group of people

your obviously has an issue with independent women and wants to put you down please ignore him

dirtyface · 24/08/2013 09:29

how rude of your "friend" :(

HollaAtMeBaby · 24/08/2013 09:42

MadameJosephine Sat 24-Aug-13 08:54:27
'not desperate enough to stay friends with you!' and Delete

^This! YANBU. This man is mean and rude and a twat.

Mia4 · 24/08/2013 09:49

YANBU OP. Personally though I'd have messaged the friends, not because it makes you look desperate but because you are more likely to get a response.

I'd respond with 'and a message like this makes you look like a bitch', then defriend.

Original poster

watchforthesnail · 24/08/2013 09:59

i did get a response, of the ones i tagged, and pretty quickly too.

I did the same thing a few months ago and noone responded, so i left it and didnt go. A friend was then bemoaning that they were not going to x event. I said ' i put a fb out asking who wanted to go' and he didnt see it. So, i dont see the harm in tagging people, if somone has lots of friends or doesnt check regularly, its easy for it to get lost.

OP posts:

PrincessKitKat · 24/08/2013 10:11

Snail that post said more about him than you. If I'd seen his comment i would not have thought 'yes very valid point, snail does sound desperate' I'd have thought 'what a tosser you are FB friend of Snail'

Personly I think it's in his own interests for HIM to remove a comment that makes him look like an utter arse! But take it off if it makes you feel bad.

And enjoy the gig!

BlehPukeVomit · 24/08/2013 10:16

I don't have Facebook but I actually think asking people to things via Facebook is a particularly nice way to ask as there is no pressure for people to accept. If you phone people they are more likely to think they should attend.

Mia4 · 24/08/2013 10:25

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you do it seeing as it works for you but I do know a lot of people who see it as attention seeking to not message when you want only specific people to see and come.

I think he sounds jealous and bitter but from my own POV, I wouldn't say you sounded desperate at all but I'd bypass your post thinking 'attention seeker'. I'm not saying you are one but from my personal experience of having someone on my fb who does that sort of thing it sadly makes me think most people who do it are.

My friend put out a 'dying to see X concert, would anyone please come with' post- I answered immediately after seeing because I'd been dying to go too. Got no response after a day or so but kept seeing 'like' reports coming up on her status. When I went back to said status after seeing another couple of friends comment, I saw she'd ignored my comment and the last comment (from another friend) but 'liked' and put a gushing 'yes please person X' comment to the one in-between. I also saw she'd amended her post to tag that person (and others). It made me a bit miffed tbh that she was only after certain people but had put over her facebook and ignored myself and the other friend when we responded.

Laughably, myself and other friend went and fb friend messaged me on the day of the concert desperate to see if we had a spare ticket because she'd been let down by her 'good friend'. This friend is notorious for doing this, she also does the melodramatic woe is me posts and the 'I'll PM you, don't want spying eyes to see' to the select ones who comment.

Maybe this guy's had similar experience and now sees everyone as attention seeking? He's a knob for being so rude or saying anything but I thought I'd offer my perspective or why I, personally, will use messaging or fb group invites not the statuses themselves and why I can't help but think those I see on my feed doing it are seeking (aside from the obvious woman).

wigglesrock · 24/08/2013 10:27

I know loads of people that do this, and I've taken a few up on their offer. It's a lot more casual and much less pressury than ringing round, texting etc.

I wouldn't give him a second thought - eejit (him obviously)

ourlittlestreet · 24/08/2013 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yonihadtoask · 24/08/2013 10:41

Said' friend' is a nobber. Defriend.

Facebook is a great way to contact all your friends in one fell swoop.

I would have done the same thing, rather then sending out a bunch of texts or whatever.

Enjoy the gig!

Montybojangles · 24/08/2013 10:41

He's a sad tosser. My friends and I often do this to arrange things we might like to go to. It's less pressured than getting a call, and you can see who/how many are going.

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