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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids on Facebook

51 replies

Sparklymommy · 22/08/2013 19:53

This is a subject I am currently battling with my 10 yo dd over. The rules of Facebook are clear: the lower age limit is 13. Why, then, am I a terrible mum for refusing her access to this social media site? There are many things on fb that I do not want my 10yo viewing. It can be so terribly abused by cyber bullies too.

Dd has a lot of friends through dancing that she only sees at festivals/panto/ workshops. She is desperate for fb to keep in touch with these girls and boys. The compromise we reached approx two years was that they could friend request me. So now I have a couple of dozen kids on my page which caused a problem at Xmas when I made a comment about Father Christmas getting all the credit for all the work mummies do. Queue one mother (also a fb friend) asking me to remove the comment as I have some children who still "believe". I did say, after removing the comment, that Facebook has a lower age limit and you can't censure everything on there!

Now another child on fb (age 11) has got incredibly upset after someone reported her as being underage and her profile has been shut down. Her mother is up in arms about it but if you break the rules surely you should be prepared to take the consequences?

Dd will NOT be having an account until she is old enough and yet I am the one in the wrong? Social media is a minefield for adults! Let alone kids!!! Argh!!!!

Rant over, sorry!

OP posts:
givemestrengthorlove · 22/08/2013 19:56

They should stick to the age recommendation.

BadRoly · 22/08/2013 20:00

I feel your pain. Mine are 12 and 10. The 12you isn't actually that bothered, the 10 yo wants a FB account. I've said to them both that I do not want them to open an account behind my back. If they are so desperate to have a FB account they are to come and talk to me or their dad and explain why.

I am confident that the 12yo will stick to this but not so much the 10yo. My only hope is that none of his friends have FB, he can't get it on his iPod and the laptop stays downstairs. It does irritate me when I get friend requests from children of my friends though, I tend to ignore the requests Blush

Turniptwirl · 22/08/2013 20:02

There is enough drama in most preteen girls lives without adding fb to the mix IME!

Sanctimummy · 22/08/2013 20:02

YANBU. Stick to your guns.

waltzingmathilda · 22/08/2013 20:02

They are guidelines.

Provided the parents keep control I really dont see the issue

HarrietSchulenberg · 22/08/2013 20:04

Agree in principle but I've allowed ds1 to have an account despite not being 13 till November. This is because I believe he is mature enough to cope with it and it's a great way for him to stay in touch with far-flung friends and family. Ds2 is nagging for an account but he has no chance yet as he's only 10.

ilovepowerhoop · 22/08/2013 20:06

my two have it for the games and have only friends and family as friends on it. They have high privacy settings and lots of games to play that they can't get on other deviced so I don't see what the problem is.

Justforlaughs · 22/08/2013 20:06

I don't really have a massive problem with children on fb as long as parents are "friends" and keep a close eye on what is going on. Lots of kids make friends on holiday and want to stay in touch. Even more so children who go on special camps for children with specific conditions that it really helps them to feel accepted and "normal". I actually have more than one FB account myself, so there's nothing to stop the OP setting one up specifically for her DC to use with friends vetted by the OP. (Be prepared for a second account to be set up behind your back though OP, mine had them on the school computers at 11!)

valiumredhead · 22/08/2013 20:07

Ds is 12, he knows better than to askWink

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 22/08/2013 20:09

I would open another account (and not tell your dd the password or email or whatever) and let the friends join that account (so YOUR family account, maybe?) and that means she can only view it/be on Facebook when you are letting her and know what she's doing as a result?

WilsonFrickett · 22/08/2013 20:10

Well I think it's a bit weird not allowing your own DC to break the rules, yet friending other DCs who presumably are also breaking the rules. I can see why your DD might think you're likely to be swayed tbh...

I don't have any children at all on mine as a point of principle though. I want to say what I like without offending small ears.

usuallyright · 22/08/2013 20:18

Valiumredhead, that's what my friend said about her son.
He had a secret account.
He'd had it for twelve months.
She had no idea.

valiumredhead · 22/08/2013 20:40

I have pass words for ds's lap top and his phone doesn't have internet. It's not worth ds having an account as he'd lose his lap top or x box.

kinkyfuckery · 22/08/2013 20:42

YABU for adding an 8YOs friends to FB then posting about Santa!

LynetteScavo · 22/08/2013 20:44

My DS set up his own account on his DSi.

I guess if they really want an account they will create one. Funnily enough, he hardly ever uses it.

And if someone is old enough to have a FB account they are old enough to hear vicious rumors that FC isn't real. (I still believe)

NettoSuperstar · 22/08/2013 20:49

DD is about to turn 12, she has FB.
I have her on my list, and also know her login and password.
All her friends have it, I wouldn't make her the odd one out, it's so important at that age to fit in, but she knows I check it, and anything she does wrong, I'll remove it, along with her phone so no net access.

Mintyy · 22/08/2013 20:51

I am abiding by the rules. Bit Hmm about the number of my friends who have caved and let their 11/12 year olds have an account.

NettoSuperstar · 22/08/2013 20:51

Btw, we do Santa every Christmas, we leave out food for him and Rudolph, and he brings the presents, plus we follow him on google.
(No, she doesn't really believe, hasn't for years but it's fun now between us)

izzydazzling · 22/08/2013 20:56

son said 'mam if I get facebook will you be sending me a friend request?' told him 'son you're not getting facebook without having me on it as a friend'

he's not interested at the moment and he's 13.

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 22/08/2013 21:02

The child in question over the Santa thing was 10, and what I had posted wouldn't have ruined the magic of Christmas. My own 10 year old still believes! It's more the entitled attitude of some people. I mean the mother whose child has had her account closed has just opened another one straight up! And then claims her child is the victim of cyber bullies. I mean ffs!

To the poster saying its a guideline; it isn't. It's a rule. Otherwise why would Facebook close pages of children under 13 when they are alerted to them?

I'm usually of the attitude that I would rather dd came to me and wasn't doing things behind my back. And she has e-mail/ A phone and other ways of keeping in touch. Why do they need Facebook as well? I have it both ends- my mother just joined 6months ago and she's a pain with it too! Lol

OP posts:
Rahahaharubbish · 22/08/2013 21:18

I don't actually have a problem with my kids having FB accounts and both elder ones have had them while under the age restriction - in truth I know more younger kids on facebook than those not... including those who have accounts that are well hidden from their parents.

With mine I know their passwords, am friends with them and reviewed their security settings regularly before they were able and trustworthy to do that themselves. My younger son actually had a profile so locked down (by himself) that when his primary school teacher (yes, he was that young at the time) was talking about online security and safety a few years back my son challenged him to find it. He couldn't - even through searching people he knew would be mutual friends.

Personally I liken using the internet (and social networking is a massive part of that these days) with crossing the road. We don't keep young kids away from it then suddenly let them lose on their 13th birthday, we slowly and gradually allow them more and more opportunity and independence so they learn to make safe and sensible decisions.

I have no issue at all with parents who chose not to allow their kids access to such sites but I don't really expect to be judged for allowing mine to (and that does happen a lot - but I guess that's parenting for you!). It totally depends on the child, and if my youngest started badgering for an account it would be a blanket no because he is a lot younger, and also far more emotionally immature than his elder siblings right now.

Rahahaharubbish · 22/08/2013 21:19

Oh and for the record I don't agree with the Santa thing! I have a few of my kids' friends as friends but I rarely post anything contentious to be honest - if I was going to I'd have lists set up more efficiently Grin

Original poster
Sparklymommy · 22/08/2013 21:28

My daughter has club penguin, Moshi Monsters, FaceTime e-mail. Perhaps I am being unduly cautious in not allowing Facebook. However having seen other children much older taunted, abused and generally getting into trouble with it is it really worth it?

OP posts:
Dayshiftdoris · 22/08/2013 21:44

Actually YABU for having children as your 'friend' on FB.

It's a safeguarding issue actually - the advice to anyone in a position of 'trust' / working with children in to not do this, even if you know the child well.

And allowing your own child to have an account could be viewed as failing to safeguard them.

The rules are there for a reason.

Rahahaharubbish · 22/08/2013 21:49

I think Facebook is sometimes demonised a bit - back when my daughter started senior school it was all about MSN and that was pretty vile at times. Kids will use whatever medium they can to score points if that's what they intend to do Sad

Personally I prefer Facebook to things like BBM - mainly because I can police it easier and I have been known to give one of mine time to remove something before I do it on their behalf Blush

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