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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kids on Facebook

51 replies

Sparklymommy · 22/08/2013 19:53

This is a subject I am currently battling with my 10 yo dd over. The rules of Facebook are clear: the lower age limit is 13. Why, then, am I a terrible mum for refusing her access to this social media site? There are many things on fb that I do not want my 10yo viewing. It can be so terribly abused by cyber bullies too.

Dd has a lot of friends through dancing that she only sees at festivals/panto/ workshops. She is desperate for fb to keep in touch with these girls and boys. The compromise we reached approx two years was that they could friend request me. So now I have a couple of dozen kids on my page which caused a problem at Xmas when I made a comment about Father Christmas getting all the credit for all the work mummies do. Queue one mother (also a fb friend) asking me to remove the comment as I have some children who still "believe". I did say, after removing the comment, that Facebook has a lower age limit and you can't censure everything on there!

Now another child on fb (age 11) has got incredibly upset after someone reported her as being underage and her profile has been shut down. Her mother is up in arms about it but if you break the rules surely you should be prepared to take the consequences?

Dd will NOT be having an account until she is old enough and yet I am the one in the wrong? Social media is a minefield for adults! Let alone kids!!! Argh!!!!

Rant over, sorry!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 22/08/2013 21:49

The only children I am friends with on FB are my own. both DSs had them from 10 on the proviso that I was their friend and I know their passwords. I checked the accounts regularly. They are now 14 and 12 and not bothered with using FB at all.

I believe that the minimum age for Fb differs depending what country you are in.

TrueStory · 22/08/2013 22:00

I wouldn't let my son have FB till he was 13. I think its better he does more playing out, sports and stuff like that. I fail to see why he would need FB, tbh. I also assume the rules are there for a reason.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2013 22:06

I let my DS have a FB account when he was 11 and he left year 6.

It's a great way to keep in touch with friends who are going to different secondary schools.

I made the account, I set the password, I made his security settings water tight and I made sure I was on his friend list.

He never bothered to use it much...he's 14 now and still doesn't use it much but he's still in touch with his old friends.

I'll be doing the same for my DS3 when he leaves year 6 next year.

RaspberryRuffle · 22/08/2013 23:23

I've just had a friend request from friend's 11 year old daughter...no way will I be accepting, it's not personal, I just don't WANT an 11 year old FB friend, and have to censor posts on there, I don't mean offensive material or anything, just jokes between friends or references to a boozy night (though they are getting less frequent the older I get).
I also do think it's too young for FB in principle.

MuddlingMackem · 22/08/2013 23:31

YANBU to not allow your children to have accounts but I think YABU to have her friends as your friends.

Our DC have been told no accounts until they're 13. However, I've also told them that I will not be friending them as I'm their mother, not their friend, and I don't have anyone under 20 on my friends list. However, I will insist on having their log-in details so I can keep tabs on them.

ShakeAndVac · 23/08/2013 00:12

Not read all the posts, but no YADNBU. I have a nearly 10 year old, and a good proportion of his class are on there. At least, if not more than 50%.
I know this for certain as I'm a Facebook 'addict' and spend a lot of time on there.
I'm also friends with some school mums.
It doesn't take much of a sleuth to have a quick scroll down their friends list and friends of friends list and see how many in his class are actually on there. They have been for a few years.
There's no way my DS is going on FB yet. Not until well into his teens. It's not a place for children, and I don't understand anyone who'd let their kids on there.

BlingBang · 23/08/2013 00:33

Depends how you use it. My now 11 r old has been asking fr over a year and I've said no. Can understand some kids wanting contact with faraway family or just a few friends as long as the account is closed and very limited and kept an eye on. However, I know a 6 yr old and a 12 yr old with open accounts. The 12 yr old had hundreds of friends which I would never allow - I've looked at her wall though and it all seems quite tame and innocent though lots of voting each others hotness. Would worry about what she is seeing n there's walls though.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2013 07:08

DSs both got them "early" to keep in touch with primary school friends and play the games. Now they aren't bothered.

The age limit is nothing to do specifically with Facebook.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2013 07:12

I wouldn't let my son have FB till he was 13. I think its better he does more playing out, sports and stuff like that

Why do you think FB stops them doing that?

There's no way my DS is going on FB yet. Not until well into his teens.

Except, of course, he can just set it up himself right at the start of his teens and without you knowing.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 23/08/2013 07:16

My eldest had a FB account when he was 11. My middles ds is 11 in october and he has one for the games.
Doesnt worry me as I view their profiles often.
But I would never add them as a friend on my own profile.

bigTillyMint · 23/08/2013 22:21

We let DD have FB when she was nearly 13 and will do the same with DS.

I sometimes wonder if she would be less obsessed with it if she had had it from younger, although it is now less important than BBM (which she got a few months ago - again wonder if it would have been less of an issue if she had had it years ago) which has caused quite a bit of angst.

Yonididnaedaethat · 23/08/2013 22:27

My DS has a account, he's 10 but only uses it for games. I check it every so often to send myself lives for candy crush

moustachio · 23/08/2013 22:27

Online dangers aren't new, I just think that Facebook includes adults, so they're more aware.

When I was a teenager of around 13/14 (now 23) we had MSN messenger. I had a lot of boys I talked to on there that were friends of friends of friends, who may not of been who they said they were. My mum never objected to me having an account, yet she moans to my uncle about her nieces having Facebook!

FourGates · 23/08/2013 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAsTired · 23/08/2013 22:40

I had this discussion with my niece, who is 12. Her dad (my bro) won't allow her to have a FB a/c and she was complaining that her dad was ruining her social life! I have to agree with my brother on this one.

Actually, her school has recommended that children should not have any social media accounts until they are at least 14 and have done a lot of work to raise awareness about cyber bullying etc.

Ten is definitely too young but I agree with pp that you should not have children as FB friends.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 23/08/2013 22:43

O have came across 2 kids on my son's class on Facebook, via their parents. Totally open pages.

They are 7.

ArrowofApollo · 23/08/2013 22:55

My DSS has had one since he was 9 - I have blocked him. A lot of the stuff I post is not suitable for children!
My DH's aunt who is a total FB addict, accepted his friend request. A friend of her put a nasty pornographic picture on her FB page which she then commented on so I PM'd her and asked her if she realised that it would also appear on DSS's timeline. She removed him from her friend list after that. I have been tempted to report his profile but not worth the fall out. He's 12 now.
I must admit I did giggle when he put a FB status of "I'm sooooo bored" while we were all on holiday and his mum replied with a sarcastic "oh dear" type comment :D

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 23/08/2013 23:04

So you expect everyone else to police their Facebook so your 9 year old, who shouldn't even be on the bloody thing, doesn't see anything inappropriate? Wow.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 23/08/2013 23:05

Doh my bad. His mum is fucking bonkers

ShakeAndVac · 24/08/2013 00:20

My DSS has had one since he was 9 - I have blocked him. A lot of the stuff I post is not suitable for children!

That's exactly WHY children shouldnt' be on there.It's an adult place. There's an age limit for a reason. Not only could children be contacted by anyone and you'd have no clue as to their real age, it;s not fair for normal, law abiding adults to have to watch what they say as they've got an 9 yr old on their timeline or whatever!
Some things just aren't suitable for a 9 year old.

SoupDragon · 24/08/2013 07:12

That's exactly WHY children shouldnt' be on there.It's an adult place.

No it isn't.

There's an age limit for a reason

Yes, and it's nothing to do with content.

SoupDragon · 24/08/2013 07:15

Thinking about it, nothing I post is unsuitable for children. The only children I have as friends are my DSs but I don't censor anything - I've not had any need.

I think on perhaps one occasion I've posted something that I've limited to only a certain group of friends - something Christmas related probably.

LtEveDallas · 24/08/2013 07:48

Some parents are daft where FB is concerned and a lot don't understand the risks. I don't have a huge problem with kids on FB, but I do think the age limit is there for a reason and parents that choose to allow their underage kids an account should always have access to it.

On holiday DD quickly made friends with another 8 year old and an 11 year old. They were inseparable for the first week and I felt comfortable letting them have lunch alone together and go on the slides alone etc (the hotel had a waterpark)

At the start of the second week 2 more girls joined their group, both 10. Chatting at night with the dad of one of the new girls he was horrified that we (the other 6 parents) were letting our kids go on the slides/do lunches alone. Proper "I'd never let Ellie do that" "I think it's irresponsible". He was very judgy and a bit of a prick.

This same girl has a FB account. She asked me to 'friend' her so she could chat to DD, and also gave me some grief that I wouldn't let DD have her own acct.

I searched for her when we got back. She has over 300 'friends' and her account is completely open. I couldn't see her dad on there as a friend. There were some pretty rotten posts on her timeline, posts I wouldn't want DD to see.

So the same man that wouldn't let his DD ride on water slides or have lunch alone in a safe and patrolled holiday resort is quite happy for his DD to have unfettered Internet access . Like I said, some parents are daft.

moustachio · 24/08/2013 08:40

I'd agree more with the dad ltEveDallas.

Risks that come to mind about lunch/swimming alone in 10 year olds (drowning/ abduction or getting lost abroad etc) or seeing something a bit risqué on the internet..... Not really a competition in my eyes! As long as she isn't speaking to anyone who she doesn't know, which you can't confirm!

maleview70 · 24/08/2013 08:58

Believe me, when your kids get to the age of going out and all that entails, you won't want to be their friend on Facebook or have access to their twitter account!

I found out by being nosy that my son had just in his words
"shagged a fit bird on the beach" when he was away.

Nice!

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