to think organising your own baby shower is a bit odd?

[jumpingpillows]

Friends invited me to her own baby shower. What the actual fuck? Do people do this now?

At least she's honest.

I think most people just ask their best friend to do it so they don't actually look like they're being grabby.

Baby showers give me the jitters.

If you find it odd why don't you organise it, after all she is your friend?

What am I meant to buy? A present now.one when born and one when christened?!!

I don't want to organise it. I don't think she needs one

I don't know

I've never accepted an invite to these grabathons

I just send a gift when the baby is born

I think having a baby shower is odd. Like the word "grabathon" it is very apt.

People buy a gift when a baby has arrived if they want to. To organise some kind of present receiving function before then sounds terribly greedy.

I had a still born. I just think what if...

I have only been to one baby shower in America. They are pretty standard there. It was vomitville and there was only soft drink provided . I needed a few glasses of wine to get me through it!

I don't like them.

My dad's 'phobia' of celebrating a child before it has actually arrived has certainly rubbed off on me.

I might buy some non specific baby items before a baby is born but nothing personal until I know baby has arrived safely.

I have been to one unfortunately but it was easier to accept than decline. I have thankfully avoided any further ones by being genuinely busy!

definitely time for a subsequent engagement. Send a present when the baby arrives, if you want to.

no, there's no such thing as luck, but the reason not to celebrate before is just in case the worst happens and the bereaved then come home to a house full of baby kit.

I had a surprise baby shower thrown for me and my friends bought the presents before rather than afterward, not both. I wouldn't buy a Christening present either but only because that's not the point of a Christening IMO.

It was a lovely day to enjoy getting together with all my friends. Pregnancy can be lonely when you're not able to go and drink 3 bottles of wine on a Saturday night anymore so a sober, cake based affair was nice. Presents were lovely but not the point of the day.

Maybe your friend just wants an excuse for a get together. I don't expect she's after twice the presents.

Jumpingpillows, I'm sorry.

Very odd and very cheeky.

I think that the whole idea is strange even if someone else has arranged it How can you celebrate a baby that hasn't even arrived safely yet ?

If you just want a gathering before the baby's born, then don't call it a shower.

The honouree should not be the host. That is grabby, as 'shower' is short for 'shower with gifts'.

I knew one woman who's sister organised and filed a gift list at John Lewis for her baby shower.

Disgusted I was.

It didn't occur to me to have one. Perhaps I should have! Maybe then I'd understand the need.

Grabathon indeed.

Organising a party for herself to get presents? Odd and grabby and I'd be otherwise engaged!

On another note I'm Irish - we are very superstitious about buying gifts for an unborn baby and it would never enter my mind to do so tbh. I just bought the bare necessities for my own two before they arrived.

I've just text her asking what one is ;(

There's no requirement to buy a gift. Just say that you prefer to wait until after they've arrived and buy her a big bar of dairy milk. Go and enjoy fussing over your friend in her first pregnancy when its exciting and not just dreading the sleeplessness.

I don't think its grabby.

In America they have registry's just like we would for a wedding list and its a super idea to get you all set up for baby. Its just being open about the fact that people buy presents for a first baby and you might as well buy something that you like and the family need.

If you're superstitious and don't believe in it, then don't buy a gift. No need to be moody about it.

Ah but mrsbeano then how would people be able to feel smug and superior if they weren't sneering at other people's choices

takingthestairs - maybe they can pick off a list better than someone else?

Oh no, it's not the picking of the list, it's the daring to have a "shower" which is either too ... GASP ... "American" or it's seen as grabby and demanding presents, when all they have to do is decline politely, or go and have a lovely time with someone that is meant to be a friend. And if they don't want to buy a present before the baby is born, then they don't have to.
But then they wouldn't be able to sneer and they'd have to act like an adult.

A horrible US import.

geddit. Bit slow on the uptake there!

I organised a baby shower for a close friend of mine- the pregnancy was a surprise and she hated the entire time... :-( I wanted to her feel special for the day, and totally spoilt. I made a girft list on Amazon (but stuff from all over the internet) of things I knew they didn't have and would either need or want. Some people used it and some didn't and it was a lovely day. We didn't really do games and it was men and women so very laid back and not too 'fussy'. Everyone bought either a sweet or savoury dish with them.

If you feel that it's grabby then don't go. It is weird that she'd organise it herself... and a bit sad that no one would organise one for her as she'd probably have made it quite clear she wanted one! I'd like one when I'm pregnant- it's a lovely excuse for a get together with friends and yes of course there's never any guarentee of a healthy birth, but it is more common that all will be fine and a still birth or likewise would be so devastating that I can't imagine much making that worse. Baby showers should always be planned no more than a month before the due date to make it more likely that there be a healthy birth.

I think it's very grabby,sil is doing exactly the same,claiming she doesn't really know what happens at a baby shower but she's having one anyway!
Dp didn't really get what she meant until after she left,at which point he said 'so she basically wants us to supply her with stuff she can't afford,give her a bag of dds sleepsuits'
So I totally get this,we are happily giving her dds baby clothes,and of course will get her a gift when baby is born but also now expected to buy a gift before baby is born from a list of acceptable items,changing bag,nappies,john Lewis vouchers all ok.
Surely it takes the pleasure out of gift giving?I can't wait to choose something lovely once her baby is here bur to be invited to basically supplement her because she can't afford this child irks me somewhat.

When it comes to baby showers here in Northern NJ my circle of friends keep it moving. Wine is provided and it is normally a brunch. Gifts can be hand me downs or things purchased off the gift list. The friend who organizes everything pays the bill for the event too.

I loved my baby shower. DH was appalled and refused to have any part of it. He missed the point that it was my last chance to celebrate with my friends before my life was forever changed. He was upset that I got my friend who organized the shower a really nice gift.

Im with mrsbeano and love baby registries. When people called me after the baby was born and wanted to know what they could get me I was able to direct them to the list and get things that I actually wanted. When my friends have had a baby I know where they are registered and can get a gift without distrurbing them. Some of the smaller baby stores here will hold gifts until the parents are ready to accept them into the home. One store will deliver and assemble furniture, toys etc so no fuss for the new mother (either nagging to get it done or doing it themselves!).