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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think organising your own baby shower is a bit odd?

58 replies

jumpingpillows · 21/08/2013 13:22

Friends invited me to her own baby shower. What the actual fuck? Do people do this now?

OP posts:
fishandmonkey · 21/08/2013 15:55

what beano and stairs said
there's alway so much baby shower hate. i just don't get it. do those of you who think it's grabby also think wedding gift lists are grabby?

KedenTTC1Cycle2 · 21/08/2013 16:02

I don't care for baby showers or bridal showers for that matter, BUT I do love the Baby Registries (quite common in the US) that come with. It's so convenient!

I mean most people will buy a gift for a friend or relative's new baby anyway, so you might as well let me know what you need. As opposed to me having to guess and end up getting you that 10th baby blanket Confused.

I can't say I have ever thought of them as grabby, and that's probably because it's kind of the norm in the US.

southbank · 21/08/2013 16:04

I do find it grabby yes to arrange a gathering yourself for a baby that isn't even born where the primary objective is to accumulate items for said baby.
Of course it's not grabby to invite friends for lunch,or if someone else decides to arrange something.
It's the expectation that I find grabby tbh,doesn't mean its wrong just my opinion.

expatinscotland · 21/08/2013 16:11

You're not supposed to organise your own.

sparechange · 21/08/2013 16:14

I've been to several baby showers, and they were nothing more than 'a group of girls having lunch together for the last time before the baby is born'
Some people brought presents, others said 'I'll buy something when the baby is born'. Some people drank wine, some drank tea. Some wanted a tour of the nursery (or got one anyway) others were just happy to sit and chat
I really can't understand why they get such a bad rap on here Confused

silverangel · 21/08/2013 16:15

A friend of mine has done this. And then sent out a gift list from Mamas & Papas. And then a chase mail yesterday to say if you don't buy by the end of the day gifts won't be delivered in time.

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I'm really glad I can't go.

Wwhen the baby arrives I shall buy something I choose, not a £200 highchair or movement monitor (really, these are on the list...).

Rant over.

itried · 21/08/2013 16:20

Perhaps no-one else would organise it for her. I arranged my own 60th - people were very willing to turn up for that but if I hadn't my 'milestone' would have gone uncelebrated. As it was we had a very good time!

SilverOldie · 21/08/2013 16:20

Did the read the thread on here some time ago about a baby shower? The invitations included a VERY expensive gift list............ for the Mother. How tacky can you get.

flowersinavase · 21/08/2013 16:23

I've been to lots of baby showers in the USA and they're great! No gift lists (so not grabby), often more booze than soft drinks, and just a chance to spoil a friend before she undergoes a huge life-changing event. What on earth is wrong with that??

southbank · 21/08/2013 16:23

I think they get a bad rap because not everyone thinks they are a gathering of friends etc with optional gifts,some are very clearly being held with they expectation of gifts,and specific expensive gifts in some instances.
There is also a pressure to not be the only person to go without a gift which can be awkward as well.

Mayanbob · 21/08/2013 16:26

My friend wanted to arrange a baby shower for me, but for me to invite people (I have several groups of friends, and large proportions of them male). I found that weird so didn't but still had a lovely afternoon with cake and just 2 friends, who gave me a fancy change bag between them which is lovely!

I have done a baby gift list but haven't published it. However have given details to a couple of people who have asked us what we would like.

mrsbeano · 21/08/2013 16:28

silverangel your friend sounds shocking and grabby. Giving showers a bad name!

Cookethenook · 21/08/2013 16:37

YES! Ive just been invited to one. She's a nice girl and i'd love to go, but i just find the whole thing a little odd. Especially the fact that there is a gift list.... fair enough if we'd asked what to buy her, but there was a note to contact her mum about gifts if we were getting them one so we could get the list. Grrr. I emailed and explained that we had already chosen a more personal gift for them.
I'm not superstitious at all, but i'd really prefer to give gifts once the baby has arrived safely.

I think naming parties are much nicer, then you can celebrate the little one's safe arrival, with the guest of honour too!

Feelslikea1sttimer · 21/08/2013 16:39

My mum and sister are desperate for me to have a baby shower, but I hate the idea of inviting people to bring presents so I have agreed to organise a lunch in month 8 with my friends and family but with a present ban, but if they feel they 'have' to bring something it will be made clear that I will only accept a donation of £5 or less for our local children's hospice charity...

I just want to spend some time with all my friends before my baby comes along and then I'll be wrapped up in my own bubble for a few months!!

Strokethefurrywall · 21/08/2013 16:40

I've organised many a shower, most of them ridiculously alcoholic.

Over here things are very Americanised and Baby Showers are the norm, however none of us are into the cutsey, game playing, guess what's in the baby jar bollocks that go along with it.

The one we had this past weekend for our friend, was an all-you-can-eat brunch, and a chance for everyone to catch up before her baby girl is born. Just a few balloons. She and her husband registered at a local baby store, but only for minimally priced things like teething rings etc. and we love her so we spoil her.

We're a mixed bunch of Brits, Aussies, Americans and Irish so none of us are really into the over the top showers like some I've been to.

One of them, I myself was 6 months pregnant, and had to spend 45 minutes (I shit you not) along with 45 other people (!!) watching a and friend (but not super close) open a mountain of gifts, some of which were absurdly expensive (stroller, $700 crib, baby swing, car seat, breast pump etc) and I didn't even get a thank you! Along with this came playing utterly crap games (nobody could say "baby" or you lost a clothes peg?) and other games like guess the food in the nappy. Thankfully I could pass on that game but watching other people play was just tedious. I got my revenge by eating several pieces of cake and fuck load of food.

My own "baby shower" was myself and close friends, all getting discounted mani/pedis and then going for dinner. No registry or anything - and I had a fantastic time.

I get the "hate" for the ridiculous baby showers you see on TV, and I am totally opposed to baby showers for the second baby (meaning full registry for baby number 2 - what happened to all the shit we bought you the first time round???) but I love doing baby showers for my friends that mean we can all get together, eat cake and drink champagne and give our friend a fun time.

There are a number of us pregnant with our seconds, myself included and we'll do showers again, only no gifts or anything like that - just a good excuse to have a brunch or dinner with no stress.

So I guess it depends on the definition of "shower" - a chance to spoil a friend and give small tokens for the baby/mum = yes, a huge overblown affair when the mum-to-be sits on a throne (yes we have those here), expecting all her friends to pay for all the shit she needs to have her baby whilst having people play stupid ass games = no.

I am very firmly in the first option camp.

BalloonSlayer · 21/08/2013 16:40

I normally hoik my matronly British bosom and mutter something like "So American!" through cat's-bum lips when Baby Showers are mentioned, but actually I think it's quite sad that she has had to organise her own. She obviously would really like to have one and no one is prepared to organise one for her. Sad

sparechange · 21/08/2013 16:48

SilverOldie If you followed that thread, you would know that list had nothing at all to do with the mother, and she was totally mortified when she found out about it
It was organised by her sister, who was getting commission for each item from the list that was bought

monkeymamma · 21/08/2013 16:53

Actually, I think that baby showers are a great idea. I didn't have one (and in fact didn't buy anything for ds until after he was born other than a pack of plain white baby gros. This is because I am Northern and superstitious. I will be the opposite if were blessed with no.2 at any point! the outfits are great fun!) But I have been to one and it was a great laugh, not about gifts at all but fun and sparkly wine and doing something a bit nice for the mum to be while she can appreciate it and enjoy it. I found the whole gifts-after-baby-was-born very stressful because I could never find 5mins to write a thank you card, baby was crying the whole time, I'd had no sleep, kept forgetting who got what etc etc. And fgs most people DO wanna buy a present anyway, why do we have t be so coy and British about it?!!

princesspeabody · 21/08/2013 16:54

Jeeeezus!

I went to one but only because DH really wanted company. South Africans do them big style too apparently.

Card and gift for baby shower...
Card and gift on arrival...
Card and gift for christening...

It's all far far too much!

I would be washing my hair if it was just me invited.

BrokenSunglasses · 21/08/2013 17:47

An invitation to a baby shower comes with an expectation of a gift in my experience. What's worse is that all the gifts are then opened in front of everyone else so you end up sitting surrounded by women all squeezing the same noise each time a new gift is revealed.

Baby Showers are horrible in every way.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/08/2013 17:51

I'd be washing my hair too, horrible grasping things they are. Perhaps nobody organised one for her as they dont like them either.

They are mainly about getting presents, then people are expected to buy more when the baby is born. I'd be very offended if given a gift registry list for a baby, if i want to buy a present id rather choose my own not be forced into one.

Bumblequeen · 21/08/2013 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 21/08/2013 18:27

I hate baby showers and generally anything 'celebrating' the unborn baby. I am superstitious about that sort of thing.

Lj8893 · 21/08/2013 18:36

Organising your own is really grabby and tacky IMO.

I am on maternity leave and had leaving drinks on my last day which my colleagues turned into a baby shower, which was lovely but not my intention at all!

My lovely camp gay best friend is organising me one a few weeks before my due date, I do feel a little awkward about it but he is loving the planning of it so I'm leaving him to it. As far as I'm aware though all my family and friends are coming and they keep asking my mum what gifts I want, my response has always been the same, "really, please, nothing!" For me its going to be a nice day with all my friends and family to get together and have a giggle. It will also give me a lovely opportunity to see all my loved ones while I'm still fresh and clean and glowing before my baby arrives!

But I wouldn't in a million years dream of organising my own! Gross! Or ask someone to organise one for me even!

OwlinaTree · 21/08/2013 18:40

monkeymamma how can you have only bought a packet of babygros before your baby was born? What about moses basket, car seat, nappies?!!!

eden think you are right that a baby shower is not going to make someone feel any worse if their baby doesn't make it.

I quite like the idea of a girlie afternoon, but i really don't like the gift side of it tbh. Yes, weddings have gift lists, so i suppose it's a double standard, but still. Can't a baby be celebrated once it's born?