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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To say no to my pregnant friend?

55 replies

Confused40 · 20/08/2013 21:56

She's having work done in her house and been staying in a hotel. She's not sure if the local authority will be paying for it and the last day to stay there is tomorrow. She stayed a night with me last week and has some of her belongings stored here.
She asked by text, and didn't enquire how I am or how my day was, and why not phone when you want something?
She's in a seriously bad DV r/s and always asks my advice and I try to help out and not judge. I've helped her out loads. Giving her maternity clothes, baby clothes etc.
I really feel the friendship in one sided and when she texted me I've not heard from her all weekend, when she said she'd ring/text.
I don't want her staying here and have ignored her text so far. I only hear from her when she wants something. I've arranged for a charity I was working at to help her and her family out, written letters for her etc. She just seems to take, take, and it feels really one sided.

WWYD? I'm so pissed off with her. She's in a really bad r/s with a guy she'll be having a baby for. Last time I saw her she said he called her a C**t and spat in her face. She's 8 months pregnant. He's promised to buy her stuff for the baby and only bought a few baby gros and a blanket. She has literally nothing.

Please don't get me wrong, I feel for her I really do, but its all take and not give and I've had enough.

OP posts:
Confused40 · 21/08/2013 23:14

I finally replied to her text as she asked if I'd received the one asking to stay. I lied :( saying I didn't get it and she said what the situation was, but didn't ask to stay, just that she needed a place to stay. I encouraged her to contact various agencies urgently and asked what her partner was doing. Not once in the whole text convo did she ask about how I was. This was despite me saying I'd been feeling a bit down.
I can't keep rescuing her. She has stayed with me before, and I've written letters, accompanied her on meetings, and been a really good friend. I don't think I can really do much more. And, it breaks my heart to see her being so mean to her children, and when I as tactfully as possible point out that I don't agree, her reply is that she's old school and it doesn't hurt them??
I know my conscience is clear as I've helped out to the best of my ability. I don't have the room for her to stay and really am putting my own family first.

OP posts:
givemeaboost · 21/08/2013 23:46

you need to contact SS and just explain what you know about the children, violence, partner etc and leave it with them to act on, you don't have to give your name, and take a big step back, well done for holding your ground over text though. A text conversation asking if you can stay with someone is quite rude imo, she should of actually rang to speak to you.

mumofweeboys · 22/08/2013 00:44

Write all you have tild us in a letter to social services. Those childten deserve better and u will never forgive yourself if something happens to them.

mumofweeboys · 22/08/2013 00:45

Sorry a about typos, typing one handed on phone

Confused40 · 24/08/2013 22:48

Call me crazy but I've let my friend stay, last night and tonight. She's been ok and is collecting her ds's tomorrow. Will be glad to have my space back though Smile

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