WWYD not AIBU. Evidence of a friend's DH's (possible) infidelity

[SelectAUserName]

I have a few ex-colleagues from my previous job as Facebook friends. I'm also FB friends with someone who used to work there and who met her now-husband there. She no longer works there (left before I did); he still does. She isn't in touch with many people from there on FB in her own right IYSWIM but she and I hit it off and have stayed in touch. We're not bezza mates but I went to their evening wedding reception, we exchange the odd email as well as keeping in touch via FB and I've met her for coffee when I've been back in the area, and I would consider her a friend rather than just an ex-colleague. Her DH isn't one of my FB friends.

One of my ex-colleagues on FB has uploaded some pictures from a recent work night out. I was having a scroll through at lunchtime and in the background of two of the photos is my friend's DH with a woman I don't recognise. In one of them they are kissing - proper, arms wrapped round each other, eyes closed, tongues round the tonsils kissing. In the other they are close, he has his hands on her waist/lower back and she has hers round his neck and they look as if they are gazing into each other's eyes. It looks like more than just 'night out friendliness' IYKWIM. In neither photo are they the main subject, nor do they give any indication they know they are in shot and he isn't tagged but it is unmistakeably him. There is a third photo where they are partly in shot - can't see faces but you can tell its them by the outfits and the angle relative to the other pics - and his hand is cupping her arse. His hand with his wedding ring on. :(

My friend's recent FB updates have been the usual chatty stuff she posts, mentioning her DH as normal and while I doubt we'd be close enough for heart-to-heart stuff, I think I'd know if they had split up.

What do I do? Do I do anything? Do I tell my friend and if so, how? She isn't FB friends with the person who uploaded the pics. I know it probably sounds OTT and melodramatic but seeing those photos has given me a real shock and I'm sitting at my desk feeling slightly sick. I keep trying to think of an innocent explanation but these photos don't look innocent. :(

too add to others posters Knowing of an affair and suspecting are very very different things.

Okay, I have sent a text. It said "Hi X, sorry to bother you but I've seen something re [DH] that troubled me. Hoping it's nothing or I've got wrong end of stick but wanted to make you aware just in case. Have emailed you with details. Take care."

I'm shaking again now :(

You've done the right thing. I would want to know.

You are a nice friend. Try to have a cup of tea or something to calm yourself a bit.

Thanks the body, appreciate that. You're right, we can only ever do what we think is best as individuals.

Idespair, I'm home now and have cracked open a cider - bugger tea!

ViviPru I am counting down to GBBO, I love it!

Select you're a lovely friend. I think you have done the right thing and done it sensitively.

You did the right thing. Hopefully it will turn out to be innocent (twin brother? Open relationship? Who knows...) but regardless you have behaved as a true friend.

Your poor friend, you have done the right thing.

I rarely post but just wanted to say I really think you have done the right thing.

I think you've done the right thing. Horrible situation though.

Cider and GBBO sounds like just the ticket (channels my DGM using that expression).

Although an hour of that (alleged) philanderer, Hollywood, may not be so good under the circumstances

Oh god the anticipation must be awful.

Oh god, any update? I think you have the the right thing so well done.

Also think you did the right thing.

No reply yet :(

I think you did the right thing. Exdh got engaged to OW four days after he left me. I wish I had known.

Just to say I think you did the right thing.

I'd want to know!

Maybe have a sweet tea to settle things a bit and watch some crap tv or something. She may not reply obviously but just to take your mind off of it.

You did the right thing. But sod it, go and grab the wine. X

I think you've done the right thing. It must be awful for you to have to be in this position.

How horrible for you - and of course for your friend.

The thing is, you are friends with this woman, and you have seen proof of her DH cheating. It is not something you can opt out of seeing, you have seen it, and now you had a choice (along with everyone else who's seen it) tell her or not. While given the choice you might not want to know, you do, so the 'keep out of it' option isn't there, once you'd had the evidence shown to you by the mutual friend who took the photos, you were in it.

Now, most people might think that not saying anything is keeping out of it, but it's not, it's being in the know about his adultary and actively chosing to keep it from the wife. That's not the same as not knowing. Or suspecting and not saying anything. That's taking the decision the wife shouldn't know.

IMO you did the right thing.

You don't need a reply to know you have done the right thing. She is probably busy dealing with the situation you have told her about. Note I said you have told her about, not that you have caused!!!

Whatever happens, you really have done right here by your friend!!