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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think a 14 month old is not capable of winding somebody up?

42 replies

liefrou · 18/08/2013 21:06

I had my dear friend round for a visit yesterday and she was playing with my 14 month old DS. He started to get a bit tired and grouchy and started having a little tantrum, nothing major just a bit of whinging and crying that he normally does when hes tired and he needs a sleep.

After I had put him down for a nap and came back downstairs my friend commented how much of a lovely boy my DS is but that I really needed to 'get a grip of him". I asked her to explain.

Apparently DS is being naughty, hes testing my boundaries to see how much he can get away with and hes trying to wind me all the up all the time. I was a bit shocked at this and explained DS is still a baby, he cant talk yet so is expressing his frustration the only way he knows how to and certainly not being malicious.

Am I being terrible naive? Do I need to 'get a grip' of my baby?

I do tell him no when he does things he shouldnt, I want DS to know right from wrong and will tell him off when he needs when he is a little older..

I just cant imagine him sat there plotting in his babygrow thinking 'right, this will really push her buttons'

OP posts:

nennypops · 18/08/2013 21:08

YANBU. As you say, he's communicating the only way he knows. It's particularly ridiculous to suggest he's trying to wind you up when the result of his mini-tantrum is simply that he gets put down to sleep and duly does so.

AnneUulmelmahay · 18/08/2013 21:10

Your friend is talking bollocks

You followed your baby's cues, read body language, gestures and popped him to bed, which he wanted.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 18/08/2013 21:10

No of course he's not plotting your demise into subjugation and insanity. She's a weirdo!

HTH

Whogivesashit · 18/08/2013 21:10

She's talking out of her arse.

TramadolDaze · 18/08/2013 21:12

YANBU at all - and your friend is talking pure crapola. Does the friend have children or is she one of those as-yet-childless bloody experts?

Honestly if my friend put forward a theory like that I'd have to seriously consider whether I could continue to be friends with someone who thinks of a baby in that way.

fairylightsinthespring · 18/08/2013 21:15

I'm having images of Stewie Griffin from Family Guy plotting against his mother! No, I think at 14m they are still basically entirely self-centred and not capable of manipulative behaviour in the way your friend suggests. Having said that, I think that they probably are old enough to understand some very very simple ideas of discipline, eg both of mine at around that age were very into hitting faces or pulling glasses off people. we would say "no" firmly and put them down on the floor again. That was all, no time out or naughty step or anything, just a very simple and immediate consequence.

littleoaktree · 18/08/2013 21:18

In the situation you describe Yanbu and sounds like your ds was, as you said, just tired/frustrated.

However my 15mo most definitely can 'wind me up' - he knows things he's not supposed to do (eg climb the stairs, throw food on the floor etc) and he will start to do something like that then look at me, grin and carry on doing it, giggling hysterically when I say 'no' or stop him doing it. He's clearly doing it deliberately to get a reaction (I try not to react of course) and copies his older brother (who is 4.5).

That's v different in my view to the tantrums/crying from tiredness/hunger/frustration which is not 'winding you up' but just a natural part of young toddler behaviour.

MrsLouisTheroux · 18/08/2013 21:20

He was obviously not 'winding you up'! He was tired!

She's probably talking about learnt behaviour. Screaming and squawking at the slightest thing or when told no ( so that you'll change your mind and say yes.)

Thurlow · 18/08/2013 21:20

They can test boundaries at that age, by reaching for something they've been told not to, or throwing things, or trying to climb on something.

They can 'wind you up' in the sense that they are just requiring a lot of attention or accidentally pushing your buttons on a bad day and you become frustrating.

At that age, there's no way they can be deliberately winding you up!

Smartiepants79 · 18/08/2013 21:20

Does she have children? I can't imaging having this conversation even with my very closest friend on n the strength of one visit. She is lucky you remained so calm! Most mothers would have ripped her head off if they had been told to 'get a grip' on their child!
He is too small to be deliberately manipulating you. He may be testing his boundaries but as long as you are happy with his overall behaviour tell her to get stuffed.

ImFineThankYou · 18/08/2013 21:26

I think your friend is talking crap however, dc is similar age and is definately testing boundaries. I know they're all different but mine quite happily plays 'want this mummy? Here you go...ha! No!' (obviously without the words but the intent is clear) and knows when they're not meant to do something, makes sure I'm watching then does it anyway with a mischievous giggle .
I have to turn around to laugh!
They're testing boundaries at this age but its all because it's 'me me me' and they're just at the beginning of learning the world doesn't revolve around them.

Ilovemyself · 18/08/2013 21:31

Are you Louis Griffen and you son is called Stewie. If not, you are doing everything you should!

SucksAtRelationships · 18/08/2013 21:34

Babies push boundaries for sure. In a natural, subconscious way. At 14 months old the 'pushing boundaries' that they are capable of doing is more learning how best to get mothers attention in the quickest way. A learned habit if you like. Natural.

Daft cow.

Original poster

liefrou · 18/08/2013 21:58

Thanks everyone! Yes she is childless as of yet.. and it did make me mad to know thats what she thought of DS.

I am actually looking forward to when she has a young child of her own so she understands how hard it actually it is. I have heard her tutting and sighing under her breath when our other friends older children are having a melt down and it makes me so angry!

I can understand why some people adapt their circle of friends when they have children.

OP posts:

Turniptwirl · 18/08/2013 22:02

Pushing boundaries is natural and not a bad thing, that's how they learn where the boundaries are!

A 14 month old is not winding you up, especially when he's just tired and cranky and needs his nap!

susiedaisy · 18/08/2013 22:03

Yanbu your friend is!

picnicbasketcase · 18/08/2013 22:09

Believing that a 14mo baby is capable of scheming and having any nefarious agenda is fucking idiotic.

Dackyduddles · 18/08/2013 22:09

It's just different perspective. Your his mum so are more patient and anticipate and empathise for him in his struggles. She doesn't have that.

Tbh my dd winds me up. But it's my failing not hers. My weakness to be irritated at whatever. Ill also put up with more from own dd but less with other children, not because I don't see the same thing but your own are different.

I don't think she's malicious. Just human. Be a bit more pragmatic.

YouJustMetTheAlphaParent · 18/08/2013 22:09

This is the sort of stuff that was being moaned about on another thread, re childless people giving parenting advice when they don't have a fucking clue. It boils my piss.

You are right. She is wrong.

Doubtfuldaphne · 18/08/2013 22:12

I can't stand know it alls.. Especially when they don't even have children!

Dackyduddles · 18/08/2013 22:13

Also use of language. You heard trying to wind you up. That's the same thing as testing boundaries - what happens if I do x? Will mum react that way again? I'm not suggesting son is naughty he's doing what kids do. You heard critiscm maybe she just doesn't have any experience to get right words so used words she does know?

Twattybollocks · 18/08/2013 22:14

If course he's pushing the boundaries, that's how they learn appropriate behaviour. but he's certainly not doing it jntentionally, or to wind you up. She is talking shit, as others have said.

Original poster

liefrou · 18/08/2013 23:03

DS is starting to test my boundaries of course, but like some of you have said its natural and how they learn, hes not doing it to be 'naughty'

He went through a biting stage when he first got his teeth but we just said no in a firm voice and plonked him down on the floor which seems to have worked so far.

OP posts:

SellbyDate · 18/08/2013 23:13

Ha Ha. It really annoys me when i hear this kind of rubbish.

YANBU it is a 14 month year old baby for goodness sake.

NaturalBaby · 18/08/2013 23:14

Wow. What pearls of wisdom will she have to offer when he's really going through the terrible twos? My ds really knows how to wind me up - and likes to tell me exactly how he is/isn't going to do what I ask him to do/not do!

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