To be getting really fed up of my MIL's interference

[arabesque]

She seems to think that because she only lives ten minutes away she can just pop in to see them every week, only giving us a couple of day's notice that she'd 'like to come over and see the children for a few minutes if that's ok?'.
She's also suggested several times that me and DH should go out for a meal and she will babysit - as if I'd agree to a mad idea like that.
Last year, when I had DC3, I arrived home from hospital to discover that she'd hoovered the house and left a casserole and a shepherd's pie in the fridge. I felt totally invaded and just burst into tears.

AIBU to consider sending her an email explaining that they're our children and really have nothing whatsoever to do with her; and that if I need a babysitter I will, of course, be asking my own mother and not some random paternal grandmother?

[SellbyDate]

The cooking and hoovering are clearly goading behaviours, she is criticising your house work and cooking. She is also trying to take over. You will have to
put some boundaries down now OP. I think the email is a good idea. Perhaps you could say something like,

'Me and DH have our own childcare arrangements and have found your wanting to help a little bit intrusive, perhaps we could come to a monthly arrangement where we meet for lunch all together?'

[MrsRachelLynde]

My MIL is dreadful. She insists on buying beautiful clothes for dd as well as knitting gorgeous clothes for her. Last week I had a hospital appointment and she came and looked after dd and made me lunch. Cow. How dare she assume she knows what I like and cook delicious treats for me? And don't get me started on when we go to stay with her. It's like a little holiday, being looked after and spoilt. Bitch.

[K8Middleton]

What a bitch.

[RiffyWammal]

I've realised that I am a terrible MIL. I offered to buy my granddaughter some uniform and school shoes today. How could I have been so pushy and judgmental? I actually believed that her parents might struggle to afford it on their low wages! Oh god, I am beyond mortified now - her mother must hate me for being such a passive aggressive bitch. I don't know what possessed me to be so vile.

[picnicbasketcase]

I feel your pain too - my MIL has recently offered us some money in order to get some things done in the house, replastering, wallpapering etc. Naturally, this is only being offered because she thinks my house is a dump and will only get better with her infernal interference. The bitch.

[SellbyDate]

RifffyWamma I'd like to gently suggest you try and take a step back. It's good that you can see that you are being passive aggressive though. Well done.

[MintyChops]

Poor you OP. My own mother came up to stay on my birthday last week and the interfering old busybody actually had the fucking CHEEK to give the DC's their bath and read them their bedtime story so that I could "put my feet up". The NERVE of her.

And then she bloody well came and stayed for the weekend to mind the kids AND the dogs while DH and I went away on our own overnight to a beautiful hotel. She was so fricking NOSY when we got back, it was all "did you have a good time" and "let me know the next time you want a night off". Jesus!!! When will she realise that it's MY life and she should stay out of it?????? Bitch.

[fengirl1]

Ooh, we can tell its getting towards the end of the holidays can't we?

[alemci]

she sounds quite nice and caring. How lovely of her to make food for you and to clean your house and offer to babysit.

i would put up with it tbh.

[alemci]

btw great wind up :)

[onlyfortonight]

My damn MIL pays for the kids school fees, takes us skiing at Easter...and helps out with childcare during the holidays. Entitled bitch! How dare she!

[flatwhite]

Omg I totally needed this thread..
Omg I need more of it - its not a thread uts THERAPY ...
Thank you! :) xxx

[flatwhite]

I mean ITS therapy not UTS getting carried away ..

[OhDearNigel]

Mine is just the same. Always wanting to take DD out, buying her clothes and taking her trampolining. The bitch

[Pozzled]

I feel your pain. My MIL is a similar interfering cow. She knits and sews the DDs lovely outfits which they enjoy wearing. She sends them little packages of treats for birthdays, Easter and Christmas. Sometimes she even buys them chocolate!

If she comes to visit, she makes me cups of tea! In my own home! And does the washing up without being asked.

And when we visit them, it's a nightmare. We travel by public transport, so she actually takes it upon herself to meet us at the other end with appropriate car seats- she will even buy nappies in the right size. She says it's to save us carrying everything, but I'm sure it's because she doesn't think I'm capable of catering for my baby's needs.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Mine has just called offering me her gorgeous antique sideboards. She's even going to have them delivered for me. Cow thinks I've no taste, doesn't she!!
(Actually she might have a point, but still!!!!)

[Thesimplethings]

My mil is the worst!

She knits - constantly. Our drawers are full of lovely handmade blankets, cardigans, jumpers etc. doesn't she realise I have enough stuff for the next two years?

She always turns up with shopping to offload. Salmon, steaks, formula, nappies in fact anything with the excuse of 'it was on offer' I know it wasn't! I'm not a charity case.

Texts pretty much everyday, would you like some company? Must drive you mad being stuck in ( we are potty training atm)

Mil and fil have landscaped my garden despite me liking a jungle and fil is quite often dispatched upstairs to do a spring clean... I do clean honest mil!

Love them really :-)

[KatieScarlett2833]

I love mine too. She is fab and would do anything for us, any time. So much so that you have to be careful what you say. If any need or want is half mentioned, it'll be winging its way...
Hence the sideboards
I said she was mad to give them up, she insisted as she says she fancies something more modern. I only half believe her TBH.

[yoniwherethesundontshine]

Do send an email and swiftly. You must establish boundaries, Relate, can help with this, otherwise you will be in for a lifetime of misery; years of cooking and cleaning and general space invader - sion.

I really feel your pain. I told my MIl expressly not to give DC's sweets under any circumstances and yet, lo and behold, they come back looking sheepish, and she did it didn't she. She opened up that bag and gave them a bloody boiled sweet each.

Mine is notoriously difficult to control, so I knew I had to come in hard and strong. So I got Dh to speak to her and our dentist to drop to her a line about the damaging effects of sweets on young teeth, then I followed up by asking the DC's to wear black gum shields the next time they saw her, she nearly fainted and said what's happened to them, I said sucking in breath, ": You tell me, looks like they have lost their teeth, someone must have been giving them sweets behind my back". She went into floods of tears and general drama queen hysterics, bull about just wanting them to have one sweet FFS.

Anyway, DH threatened to cut her off, said he would always stand by me and the DC and if she wanted to see them again, she must obey our rules. To the L.E.T.T.E.R .

[MintyChops]

You did the right thing yoni, I hope she learnt her lesson....

[ChasedByBees]

My MIL brought some clothes for my DD which totally didn't fit, so she took them back and gave me a gift voucher to get her something. Sooooooo pushy.

[Mitzyme]

I am totally loving this thread. I get so depressed reading thread after thread about horrible Mils / Mums.
This has really cheered me up. Well Done OP.

[RiffyWammal]

These stories are so distressing. Thankfully my MIL is fantastic. She is so thoughtful and takes great pains not to smother us or impose - why, sometimes she leaves 6 months between phone calls/visits, which must be so hard for her as she only lives 5 minutes away and the temptation to see her grandchildren and son must be huge! Unfortunately, her other DILs are not so lucky, and she can't seem to help herself from spending time with them, caring for their children, decorating for them and so on. We must be her favourites. She even pretends to forget how to spell my name on cards, or how to say our granddaughter's name, so that she doesn't come across as too possessive or overbearing. When our sons were little she made sure they didn't become spoiled by very considerately not buying them fussy presents, eg ones that were unbroken or from actual shops rather than boot sales. Sadly her other grandchildren fared much worse and she cruelly gave them appropriate presents that they actually enjoyed, FFS.

[yoniwherethesundontshine]

Minty boundaries key word.
Get them up and get them up fast.
Once they are up, keep them up and make them bloody high.