To be getting really fed up of my MIL's interference

[arabesque]

She seems to think that because she only lives ten minutes away she can just pop in to see them every week, only giving us a couple of day's notice that she'd 'like to come over and see the children for a few minutes if that's ok?'.
She's also suggested several times that me and DH should go out for a meal and she will babysit - as if I'd agree to a mad idea like that.
Last year, when I had DC3, I arrived home from hospital to discover that she'd hoovered the house and left a casserole and a shepherd's pie in the fridge. I felt totally invaded and just burst into tears.

AIBU to consider sending her an email explaining that they're our children and really have nothing whatsoever to do with her; and that if I need a babysitter I will, of course, be asking my own mother and not some random paternal grandmother?

Reverse AIBU, I take it?

I know what you mean, OP. My MIL insists on making me cups of tea when I go round there.

And reading to the DSs. Sometimes she even makes them dinner!

I mean, is she trying to imply that I can't manage these things myself?

And if I ever ask her to babysit, she's straight round. Talk about pushy!

Wow, what a lovely MIL you have. I'm sure there are many DsIL who are [jealous] and some who would feel as you do.

I love people who miss the point entirely

I love how people just aren't getting this!

I'd move house and change your tel no (without telling her) if I were you. This is a slippery slope.

Are you going to come back, OP, and explain-have you a difficult DIL?

Well jel - although all credit to my MIL who gives me and my DC lots of space and doesn't make me feel guilty about taking up her time and energy in the way your MIL does.

Mine paid for our last holiday, circa 6K in total. She can GTF if she thinks she can BUY our love

How awful. What a bitch.

Cut her off.

God, sounds nearly as bad as my MIL.

The cow has bought DD some shoes and hair bits and is making us feel guilty because we can't go visit to collect them and is posting. She even phoned to check when would be best in case we have to go to the post office to pick up the parcel.

And she keeps giving the child pocket money.

And she has sent me a birthday card (early so I have it to open on my birthday) and has told DH that there is money in there and I'm to spend it on me. I mean how dare she tell me how to spend money, how interfering.

My Mil takes lots of photos of DS, she's obviously trying to steal his soul.

You think that's bad, my MIL just gave us 2 weeks use of their holiday home free. A fortnight away with only fuel to buy. The nerve.

I can't believe some posters think this is a joke. Can you not just feel the OP's pain?

My friend's MIL is the worst I've ever encountered. Five weeks ago she was given six weeks to live and has now taken to her bed and expects my poor friend to drive her four kids over to her so she can 'say goodbye' to them. My friend, quite rightly, told her if she is that anxious to see them before she dies she can take the bus over and visit them herself.

Ugh Op don't worry you are not alone. My MIL is just like this. She went a step further and actually cleaned the entire house from top to bottom while I was in hospital having DD. I mean seriously does the woman have no boundaries?!

Then when we went to stay with them, she actually had the nerve to ask me what me and DP would like for dinner. As if I can't think of what I like to eat without her butting in.

She seriously invited me to spend Christmas every year me and DP have been together too. Does she not realize I actually have me OWN parents. I am dreading telling her about the fact we're getting married. I just know she'll have to make it all about HER, taking me dress shopping, helping me chose a cake. Making the invitations. Cos it all has to be about HER HER HER.

One time she even took me aside because I 'looked upset' to see if I was ok. Where does she get off telling me if I look ok or not?! I've spoken to DP numerous times and he agrees there is a real issue here. Never gets an more specific than that though.

Sorry OP I got so into sympathizing with you I totally forgot the advice.

Best ay to deal with a toxic MIL is to be as Passive Aggressive as possible. I've found snarky comments and annoyed glares really help set boundaries. If this doesn't help it can be really affective if you use your children as emotional blackmail too.

My MIL actually bought my toddler some appropriate, thoughtfully-chosen toys today. I feel outraged. The presumption. Does she think I can't buy MY OWN SON toys? Is she saying I don't earn enough? That I neglect my son? That Happyland trumps Fisher-Price?????

Grr.

Another piece of advice is to criticise every present she gives them: It's got too many small pieces; it's too advanced; they don't really like jigsaws etc. She'll soon get the message and just give you some money to choose their presents yourself, which is as it should be.

If she does force her babysitting services make sure to make some pointed remarks when you get home: 'Oh is ds still up? He normally goes to bed at 7.30' 'Oh, they're very hyper. What did they have for tea?' 'Come here DD and let me straighten your t-shirt' and so on. If you do this a few times she'll back off and leave you alone.

Arabesque - when you completel P your MIL off by writing your completely U email to her, if she lives near me and is at a loose end having been warned off her grandkids and DIL's home, she is welcome to come and do my cleaning and the pile of ironing I keep adding to, but failing to attack. I'll even cook her tea for her trouble; she sounds like a gem

Hahahaaa!

And a big 'oh bless' to the posters taken in too. xxx

I'm actually a bit alarmed that one or two posters seem to think the OP is being entirely reasonable or 'a bit sensitive'.

I sympathise, but seriously get a grip!

You don't know what problems are until you deal with my MIL, she buys DD presents and likes to tell her she loves her

My mother is like this! When I was on bed rest after surgery she came round and cleaned MY house every day. She also kept taking ds out to the park as she thought an 18 month old shouldn't be climbing the walls with boredom in the middle of summer for some reason.

She told me the other week she intends to come and help me again in November when I have my second child by elcs by cleaning and cooking for me. How rude!