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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my sister was out of order

34 replies

DancingLady · 18/08/2013 10:53

Sister babysat DD recently and did bathtime. I got back and sis had a go at me cos DD doesn't have a bath sponge/flannel. Sis said she should have one, and I said it wasn't her business & sis said it was... Btw my mum sided with sister.

It's a petty argument, but - aibu to be annoyed by criticism of my parenting by my family? And, do your DCs have a sponge/flannel? Am I a bad mum for not using one?!

OP posts:

waddlecakes · 18/08/2013 10:55

One of my strongest childhood memories is of my Mum lovingly yet roughly (she worked and mornings were always a rush) flannelling my sister, brother and I's faces! :D

I don't see that a kid would need a sponge/flannel for the body, if it's being dunked in the water. But how do you wash your kids face and get rid of sleepy dust etc?

fluckered · 18/08/2013 10:56

eye roll of course your not a bad mum however ye are all childish to fall out over this. tell them you use a brillo pad! but is it worth fallin out over especially with your sister AND with someone who is willing to babysit over night for you?!

fluckered · 18/08/2013 10:57

btw if this is the only criticism you receive your doing well ... expect a lot more (and more posts from you) the older your kid gets lol

waltzingmathilda · 18/08/2013 10:57

What do you use in the bath to wash them?

gaggiagirl · 18/08/2013 10:57

Your sister sounds like a bit of a dick to get the vapours over a flannel!

She must have a lovely life if that's the only think she can think of to kick off about.

My DD does not have a flannel or sponge either.

fluckered · 18/08/2013 10:58

tbh re readin your post i'd be pissed if I got "its none of your business" after I baby sitting for you. why didn't you just say you forgot to pack it?

PipkinsPal · 18/08/2013 10:58

No you're not a bad mum. As an adult I don't use a flannel or sponge. I sometimes use a body puff thing. I have hands and they are very useful.

auntmargaret · 18/08/2013 11:01

Never used a flannel here either. Clean their faces with wipes. Seems to work, they are both still alive

edam · 18/08/2013 11:16

I can top that, when ds was born my mother insisted on sending dh out for a baby bath. Even though we already had a bath seat. She thought we were terrible parents for not giving ds a bath on a stand in front of the fire. Even though we didn't have a fecking fire!

LyraSilvertongue · 18/08/2013 11:18

Your sister doesn't have the right to criticise just because she babysat.
As long as your child gets clean it doesn't matter if you use a sponge, flannel or just your hands.

Original poster

DancingLady · 18/08/2013 11:19

Not sure how some of you got the idea that sis babysat overnight/my DD stayed over?? Sis babysat at my house. Put DD to bed & I was home before 11.

I babysit my sister's DD often too. I don't comment on how she parents.

This isn't a one-off. I get "why is/isnt she wearing a coat?" "Why has she got socks on" etc etc. silly petty comments.

Hmm washing face - I use a babywipe, wet under warm water. (Ok, flannel would be better for face!) but I don't use one in bath, as how dirty does a small child get?! She doesn't need scrubbing.

OP posts:

Oldraver · 18/08/2013 11:26

Well the issue isnt wether you use a flannel or not...some people find them easier some dont...its not really something anyone should get huffy over.

Its what seems like constant criticism of your parenting...and that needs to stop

LostMarbles99 · 18/08/2013 11:32

This has to be a wind up!

pianodoodle · 18/08/2013 11:34

Seems a daft thing for her to make a fuss about!

Can you just laugh it off?

We still use muslin cloths for DD (2) in the bath. I use them as face cloths for myself too - they're great! Never realised how useful they were before we had a baby!

pianodoodle · 18/08/2013 11:37

Every time I send a photo or video home I get phone calls saying how lovely they are but "was she warm enough there?" "did she have sun cream on?"

It's just what some families do!

fluckered · 18/08/2013 11:47

I apologise for assuming she baby sat for you overnight. however if she is always like this she isn't going to change you need to let it over your head and smile/nod. otherwise you'll just be getting annoyed all the time and dread being around her. some parents think they know best and will pass comments sometimes not even aware. my parents still say "is he warm enough where is his coat". we don't visit that often so rather than get annoyed for the small time we are there I just get his coat. life's too short.

fluckered · 18/08/2013 11:48

we don't visit that often not because of the comments but because of distance. I love visiting them so rather than get caught up over things I just go with the flow.

Birdsgottafly · 18/08/2013 11:58

Is she Uncomfortable about washing someone else's child with her hands, children get sticky anywhere there are creases, which is a personal place for a non parent to wah by hand. Or is she thinking about the environmental impact of throw away wipes?

If none of them apply, then ignore.

I always use a sponge for water play, as well as washing.

Original poster

DancingLady · 18/08/2013 12:01

She just thinks there is a right way and a wrong way to do things, and can't admit that some people parent differently. We are v v close and get along brilliantly apart from the digs at my parenting! She she'd never admit she was wrong, or stop doing it.

So yes I guess my only options are: let it go over my head and smile and nod, or not see her again. Which I don't want to do.

OP posts:

TidyDancer · 18/08/2013 12:48

I wouldn't personally be happy about using a baby wipe on the eyes tbh. A flannel or sponge would be more sensible IMO.

That said, it's obviously not the main point of your thread. My guess is it was just a conversation, I can't see someone actually having a proper go about this non-issue. It is silly of anyone to get into an argument about it.

Just don't mention it again. There really is no need for this to be made into an issue.

exoticfruits · 18/08/2013 13:16

If you know what she is like then just use the smile and nod. 'Really' is a useful word. Just say 'really' and change the subject. If she comes back to it just say, in a surprised tone, 'yes I know-you said so a few minutes ago' and change the subject. People can't argue if you don't give them a way in.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 18/08/2013 14:17

Start making digs at her parenting and if she comments say well you are doing it wrong I thought you would want to know. See how long it takes for her to get the point.

WillyandTig · 18/08/2013 14:43

Maybe they were trying to be helpful. It does say on baby wipes packets to avoid direct contact with eyes.

Original poster

DancingLady · 18/08/2013 19:29

I get a fresh baby wipe, rinse it under warm tap and wring it out a bit. She wasn't trying to be helpful, she was picking a fight, sadly.

OP posts:

Snatchoo · 18/08/2013 19:41

We have flannels, my kids don't have their own flannels what an odd idea.

I use flannels for faces and hands and one of those fluffy net things in the bath.

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