Breakages while we were on holiday

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Just need to moan really.....

We went on holiday for the first 2 weeks in August, and as we have before, had a friend's son dog sitting for us while we were away.

A week before we came home, my friend texted me to say that she had sent her son to stay with her parents as they had had a bit of a run in and she thought they both needed space. She said she would look after the dogs, and texted a few more times to say that her two younger children were really enjoying playing with the dogs etc.

When we came back, I gave them all quite lavish gifts to say thank you as I knew she would not take any money for it.

Over the last few days, we have noticed lots of breakages around the house. My son's bedroom was a mess, with toys out everywhere and a few of his toys were broken, some of his garden toys were broken, and the rest spread out across the garden, including his water pistol actually being smashed to bits, there were marks on all of the inside walls, and a pewter model that was a gift from my husband's ex colleagues was also broken - with the broken piece carefully placed beside it.

I'm really cross about the breakages. I know accidents happen, but I'm pretty angry that it's not even been mentioned. I know she was doing me a favour as otherwise I'd have had a nightmare trying to sort things out from abroad, but if I broke something in someone's house, I'd have had to tell them, or try to replace it.

AIBU to feel irritated? I feel like I can't really say anything about it as she was doing me a favour, but on the other hand, we had been let down by her son totally unexpectedly while we were away and were unable to really do anything about it.

Her son only let you down because his mother,your friend, sent him away.

It's not the sons fault.
Your friend has been pretty rude not mentioning the damage.

YANBU - that's just not on. Your friend should have mentioned the breakages or offered to pay for them. Could you ask her if she knew what happened?

So her other kids have trashed the house?

And had all your son's toys out as well?

Basically run riot in the house?

YANBU and I'd be saying something.

YANBU.
But next time put the dog in kennels.
We do this every year at great cost, but I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to dog sit. Do they just pop in from time to time to let the dogs out for a wee, feed them? Do they walk the dogs?
Seriously, next time book them into kennels.

The son didn't let you down, your friend did. She sent him away and then had a bit of a holiday at your house.

I think you need to ask her why she let her children damage your property, and didn't think to mention it when you returned. I would be fuming.

we let someone cat sit once, many moons ago.
When we got back, from honeymoon, I sobbed.
The house smelt of fags, cat wee everywhere (they hadn't been key out and litter tray overflowing) and damage.
I swore we'd never have a 'pet sitter' again.
Don't have cats now, but would only ever use a (fab and very trusted) local kennels.

That would piss me off, I dont think I could let that go.

When her son sits, he stays here, we pack the freezer full of food for him and the dogs get fussed over. So normally it's not a problem. And of course we pay him for it too. My dogs are too old for kennels, especially the oldest- she would probably have a heart attack!

You are right that its not the son's fault, I'm just amazed at the lack of care for our stuff. My neighbour said they were here for 2 hours every morning, and then from about 2-9pm and had dinner here pretty much every day, which I don't mind as the freezer was full of stuff for her son anyway. I just mind the damage.

Not sure how to broach it really, as she is a friend- just not one I would ever ask to house sit again!!!!

So basically your friend allowed her kids to come over and treat it as their own breaking stuff in the process ? What an imposition ! How old are they ? Is she normally that careless and allow her kids to be so ? I think you need to raise it but doubt the friendship will survive. Her decision to send her ds away so her responsibility.

Don't become a doormat. They disrespected your property, & thats not acceptable. Would you expect to get off scot-free if it was the other way round? No, you'd take responsibility.

Id be extremely pissed off if my house/dogsitter thought it was ok to go into bedrooms etc. Not on.

my friend texted me to say that she had sent her son to stay with her parents as they had had a bit of a run in and she thought they both needed space.

What age is her son who you get to dog sit? I'm a bit confused at him getting "sent away" to give his Mum space when you have also said he stays in your house all the time you are away anyway??

If they weren't staying there then they should have only accessed the rooms required to look after the dogs ie. not go upstairs unless that is the only toilet. Are you sure the dog-sitting son wasn't responsible for some of the damage and that caused the problem initially ?

Dont be a doormat, say something and demand compensation, your friend is an absolute piss taker.

Why was he sent away if he was staying at your house? I think some questions need to be asked here.

I would be furious if other people let their children run around my house uninvited.

I realise that it is very easy to sit at our keyboards and tell you that you need to confront this friend, and not at ALL easy to do it in real life, but I think you need to.

RBI, this is going to affect your friendship anyway, because you are going to see her in a wholly different light now - always at the back of your mind is going to be the thought, 'how could you let your kids trash my house and break my stuff and my kid's stuff, and then not tell me about it and offer to pay for the damage/replace the broken things? - and that is going to make you feel resentful.

And why should she get away with such behaviour? I would make a comprehensive list of everything that has been damaged, and email it to her, with the simple questions - why did you let your kids trash my house, why didn't you have the decency to tell me about all the damage, and what do you plan to do about it?

I think I'd call by and ask if she noticed whether everything was OK and mention you feel intruders might have broken in and vandalised your home.

It sounds totally out of order but might the son have been behaving badly in your house which was why he was sent away and she didn't realise he was responsible forthe damage mess? How old is he?

Her son is 17, almost 18, and she said she sent him away because he decided not to go back to 6th form after the summer, but doesn't want to get a job as he doesn't know what he wants to do, and wants to spend time thinking about it, and she thinks he needs time to think, and she needed space so she didn't get angry with him.

I am going to speak to her about the breakages, as I am really pretty cross about it. We have been friends for 8 years so its a real shame. Her 2 younger kids are allowed to touch pretty much anything at their own house so they wouldn't know not to touch other people's things, but she shouldn't have allowed it IMO as she is the adult.

My son was pretty upset about his broken things but I can replace them, and will replace them for him as he shouldn't suffer, but my husband's figurine is not replaceable, and I don't think it can be fixed as it is a very fine part of it that has been snapped off.

And I'm not totally sure that the oldest son wasn't responsible, as I obviously wasn't here, but he's never ever damaged anything before, and also it's mainly kids toys belonging to my son and my husband's expensive figurine that is damaged, plus paintwork which has marks all over it but I will try and get that off this week.

She's a shit friend. If you break something in someone else's house, you fess up, apologise, and offer to replace.

If you are dog sitting, you don't use it as an excuse to hang around the house, let your kids rampage around the place, getting out all the toys and breaking them.

Sounds like she treated your house as if it were a soft play centre. Think you need to ditch this 'friend' and find another dog sitter.

She had space. Her son was at your house. And why, if she wanted him to think about his future/behaviour, why did she not tell him to o that at your house.

I think she ate fom your freezer and let her kids piss about with a whole room of new toys, a garden and dogs.

She sent him off so she didn't get angry? She could have just stayed in her own home and eaten her own food to achieve that.

She sounds like a twat.

Might be worth telling her you're going to have to make an insurance claim and the insurers want details of how everything got broken.

I'd be raging if I were you - she's been bloody cheeky stopping her son from dog-sitting then coming over to your house and allowing her kids to make a mess. Can't believe she didn't even clear up your DS's room after her kids had trashed it! on your behalf.

I'd say something.

What pag said.

Yanbu. However some people live like this. I know a family (happy and otherwise normal) who have broken, damaged and dirty stuff in every room. The kids can riot as they choose. They are loved and cared for, but not disciplined. I am not very relaxed when they come to my house. Last time, their eldest was allowed to throw ds's toys without being reprimanded. One cracked but nothing was said.

Is your friend like this?

She was out of order and probably knows it but is hoping you will feel obliged not to say anything, because she helped you out.

I slightly wonder whether she sent her ds away BECAUSE she wanted to use your house to entertain her kids?

I am a professional dog walker/pet sitter and would NEVER disrespect my clients' property/privacy. I certainly would let my children run riot and break things.

One thing I would say is that it is far safer to use a professional sitter who is fully insured and police checked etc.

I would definitely ask your "friend" to pay for the damage.