Breakages while we were on holiday

[ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow]

Just need to moan really.....

We went on holiday for the first 2 weeks in August, and as we have before, had a friend's son dog sitting for us while we were away.

A week before we came home, my friend texted me to say that she had sent her son to stay with her parents as they had had a bit of a run in and she thought they both needed space. She said she would look after the dogs, and texted a few more times to say that her two younger children were really enjoying playing with the dogs etc.

When we came back, I gave them all quite lavish gifts to say thank you as I knew she would not take any money for it.

Over the last few days, we have noticed lots of breakages around the house. My son's bedroom was a mess, with toys out everywhere and a few of his toys were broken, some of his garden toys were broken, and the rest spread out across the garden, including his water pistol actually being smashed to bits, there were marks on all of the inside walls, and a pewter model that was a gift from my husband's ex colleagues was also broken - with the broken piece carefully placed beside it.

I'm really cross about the breakages. I know accidents happen, but I'm pretty angry that it's not even been mentioned. I know she was doing me a favour as otherwise I'd have had a nightmare trying to sort things out from abroad, but if I broke something in someone's house, I'd have had to tell them, or try to replace it.

AIBU to feel irritated? I feel like I can't really say anything about it as she was doing me a favour, but on the other hand, we had been let down by her son totally unexpectedly while we were away and were unable to really do anything about it.

That is just so wrong, agree with others who have said she might have used your house to entertain her children. The summer holidays get boring so she might have decided to make life easier on herself by taking them round to play with your son's toys which really isn't OK.

I look after the cats belonging to a friend of my Aunt and Uncle when they are away and I often have to take my two boys with me (they know this).

My three year old knows he isn't allowed to touch anything at all, on one occasion he picked up a some golf balls in a plant pot in the garden and was reminded that he was absolutely not to touch. On every subsequent visit he went up, looking in the flower pot and said 'balls, don't touch'.

He is really good, he knows he is allowed to walk round the grass part of the garden and say hello to the cats but he is allowed to do nothing else and touch nothing else.

I can't imagine just going through someone's stuff, when one of the cats had a stomach upset and made several messes I popped back home for cleaning supplies rather than go through their cupboards.

I am value my privacy and assume others do as well and behave accordingly. I hope you are able to bring it up with her and she gives you some kind of explanation although I can't imagine one that would explain trashing someone's stuff and leaving it.

Your friend's story really doesn't hang together, logically.

"she said she sent him away because ... she needed space so she didn't get angry with him." She had space, he was at yours. If she didn't want to speak to him at all (I'd have expected her to check in with him daily) she could have had her parents do that, rather than move him in there.

He wanted "to spend time thinking about [what he wanted to do]", which being alone at your house would have been perfectly possible. Ideal, in fact.

She sent him to stay at her parents to punish him for not doing what she wanted to do. Possibly to have him 'leant on' by her parents so that any decision he might make would be made for him influenced how she would like it.

I'd be reading her the riot act about all the damage, particularly about her not even mentioning it.

She's no friend, not really.

I think you need to tackle it head on, and if it were me ....it would be all guns blazing.

My instinctive thought was to wonder if the reason her son has been sent away, and she took over, is because he had friends into your home and that is how the damage was caused ....but she just doesn't want to tell you. Thats the only thing that really makes sense, given that he was house sitting not living at home. He could easily have been sent away after the house sitting job. So why? I smell a huuuuuge rat.
(and wonder if the place was actually more of a mess before the friend arrived)
The son may have stayed previously, but this year he is older - disenchanted with school - already close to 18 so undoubtedly has friends who are now old enough to drink/buy alcohol. And above all, he is suddenly sent away from the house by his mother?????

Doesn't it make you wonder, OP? have you had a word with the neighbours about activity while you were gone? I would.

Maybe the older son had a party whilst he was staying there and when your friend took over looking after the dogs those things were already broken and she didn't realise it was her son who had done it?

I think the son/had party/mum sent him away theory is plausible.

Hmmm, not sure
If he had a party and she was cross wouldn't the first thing she did be to make him tidy?
The broken toys are not like the detritus of any party my DS had.
Randomly abandoned bottles and spills on the carpet more likely

or could she have left him to babysit the younger ones in your house ? You'll only find out by asking.