Am I/was I unreasonable to withhold info from colleague regarding dept changes? WWYD? (long, sorry).

[crushedintherush]

Ok, back story.

I previously posted a couple of threads earlier in the year (january) regarding my colleague who is hell bent on making my life a misery. She is extremely manipulative, used underhand tactics to try to undermine my work, and has bullied me out of earshot of other members of staff. On top of this, she foisted a job she particularly hated on to me because it was a busy part of the role which meant she couldn't wander off, and she kept on with the easier jobs.

Anyway, on the Monday just gone, our manager came to our dept and said that they now only need 1 person to run the department, not 2. The part that my colleague foisted on to me was remaining, and the role my colleague was doing was being moved to another dept. There will be no job losses, only a move to another dept. She explained that all respective managers were visiting their same depts across the Trust on the Monday to advise their employees, so everyone knew at the same time what was happening. My colleague, however, does not work on Mondays.

I asked our manager if she could come and explain all this again to my colleague the day after, (tuesday) as I thought it would be better coming from them, not me, as I didn't want to get a word of it wrong, worrying how she was going to react.

Anyway, the manager came back the next day and told her, and I explained to her there and then that I thought it was up to the managers to tell her, not me. Of course she was very pleasant while the manager was there, but as soon as she left, she went quiet, and kept on leaving the dept. Not long afterwards, I went home so that was that.

I was off on weds, but when I came back on Thurs, I found her doing the job she had foisted onto me. I told her in no uncertain terms that I knew what she was doing, and she let rip, accusing me of not telling her about the changes before the management, that I was a 'dirty, sneaky conniving little b*h'. She then vented her vitriol on me, saying just the most horrible untrue things, and I just blew my top. I told her what I thought of her, that I was glad I wasn't going to be working with her any longer, 2 years of stress just came out. I couldn't stop

I did seek advice from a couple of people about whether to tell her or not, so it was not like I was being underhand. They agreed that it should be left to management, but WWY have done in my shoes? Please be honest....

I'd have got management to tell her because if you told her, she'd have turned on you anyway!

I'd make a formal complaint to your manager about her behaviour now, because she's probably going to make one about you

YANBU. It wasn't up to you to tell her, but your manager should had picked a time that meant that everyone could be told, if possible.

It's understandable to blow your top at her, I think I would have let her rip, made a note and then reported her

Yanbu! I hope she's not slylt trying to take the job back! I'd talk to the manager now if I were you! Is it definite that SHE is moving and not you?

speak to management.
that is the only thing for you now.
are you officially remaining and she is changing departments?
I gather you are in on Monday and not her?
so in that way you have the upper hand. but it needs to be sorted. when will she move? could you force you to move?

I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when it kicked off. I love a good office spat. Tell us more about what you said when you ripped into her

YANBU by the way, I'd have done the same as you.

I dont know what I would have done, but you need to go straight to HR on Monday and keep them informed of what's going on so you can get your back covered in case of any tricks that might be played.

and of course it wasn't your place to tell her the news about changing departments. shame management couldn't tell you at the same time, but over the weekend perhaps she will stew think about it and conclude she would prefer to move?

You did nothing wrong, but you do need to raise this with someone higher now.

Groovee: exactly what I thought. She would have sat there thinking how she could stay there, and get rid of me.

We used to share both roles, but the role she foisted on me involves direct contact with the nurses and patients, so basically you can't go anywhere because of the constant requests for things, and has become busier due to new rules and regs.

So she decided she wanted to do the appointments side of things, where she was given instructions by email to ring patients and offer them appointments. Obviously this meant that she could ring them at her leisure, and just wander off. She never even rang them half of the time, just posted letters out. She was supposed to answer the phone regarding patient enquiries too, and she didn't bother answering it, just turned the sound off!!

Euphemia: Next week would have been our last week working together, as all remaining emails have to be completed by next Friday, but because of the row, we have been separated. Next week I am working in the dept Mon and Friday,and in another dept tues and thurs. She is running the dept tues wed and thurs, the only days she works, so up to now she has got her own way. After September, though, when the holiday period has finished, our dept is going to be merged into the other depts and placed in a rota system, so we'll all be moved about.

tylerhopkins:, ooh what didn't I say!!! Lol.

I am so pleased I gave back what she threw at me.When I confronted her about trying to steal back the job she foisted on me, she said I told her I hated the appointments part of it. I asked her when exactly I said it because I couldn't remember saying such a thing. I told her I knew exactly what she was up to, and she then started having a go. She accused me of sending emails to my dh, which were only quick ones to say if I was going to be late home, and they were only few and far between SEEING THAT I WAS STUCK ON THE BUSIER JOB, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WRITE F''KING PARAGRAPHS!!! so I said back, how could she notice since she was sat there reading a newspaper half the time (which she does).

Anyway, she then accused me of showing no remorse or empathy when her dh died 2 years ago. Eh??? I'm sure I cuddled her, made her brews, did her job for her for a while, but can"t remember that far back..tbh...

She then had a go about me typing too hard on the keyboard (which I do, but I think she was getting a bit desperate by now to find something), so I said, ok I'll type a bit harder next time to see sparks fly off the keyboard for pure entertainment. She then said other people had warned her about me, to which I p*ed myself laughing in her face, and asked if it was herself she was talking about..

I just couldn't believe how calm I was, just going along with her accusations, 'yes dear, no dear, 'whatever', 'ah bless ya'

Then I said I was so glad that I wasn't working alongside her anymore, that a weight had lifted off my shoulders, that I thought she was a underhand manipulative cow, and hoped that we'd never had to eork together ever again.

And this next bit is the pits. The absolute pits. She said she was going to tell the supervisor that I pushed her.... I kid you not. I laughed. Our supervisor came, and I told her to find me another job for the rest of the day because I couldn't bear to look at her. I was angry by this time, and she was crying....

I would speak to a superiour op when you go in and tell them excatly whats happened as i can see her saying it was you, you're a bully etc as the manager came in without hearing what she said to you and only saw her crying. She sounds like a nasty underhanded bitch who would do anything to get her own way. These people can twist the truth and make it seem like they're the hard done by ones :-(

Sorry for the dripfeeding everybody, as you can imagine, the original post would have been pages long!

The supervisor knows whats happened, as my colleague rang her, and she took us into her room separately, to give our version of events.

She then suggested a meeting with both of us present. About halfway through the meeting, I could feel myself getting soo angry, then asked her to find me another job because I couldn't stand the sight of her any longer

....anyway, I have a feeling she isn't going to let sleeping dogs lie, even though we are not working together anymore. I think she is going to tell people who we know whats happened, who work in other parts of the trust, and will twist it out all out of proportion.

I don't think its all over yet.

This is why I asked if I had done the right thing. Although I'm glad I gave it all back to her, I have since felt really low

It was not your responsibility to tell her so u did the right thing in asking management to tell her.i would also make a formal complaint about her behaviour so that it is logged and she can't behave like this to anyone else she will be working with.

It sounds like you've been in a horrible situation but you are letting this woman get to you and you shouldn't.

Don't get involved in rows or slanging matches. You shouldn't say things in meetings like 'get me a new job because I can't stand the sight of her'.

I do totally understand what a horrible situation you've been in and how satisfying it must feel to let rip at her.

But she is getting a rise out of you which is making you look unprofessional and difficult.

You have to be the bigger person here, stay calm, rational, do not allow her to make you angry and take all problems to your boss and HR, don't get involved in arguments.

sofia-yes, you're right. It did make me look unprofessional and difficult. I shouldn't have said it, but the range of emotions that hit me that day was phenomonal.

I am not normally like that. I surprised myself tbh. I was getting desperately tired of it all, so answering back to her was the only way to survive emotionally at the time.

My supervisor caught up with me later in the day to say I was out of character, and I apologised to the staff present at the time of the incident, as it wasn't pleasant for them.

Its been a pretty tough few days, all sorts of emotions coming to the fore. I am glad, though, that I exposed her bullying tactics. That I might save someone else going through it with her in the future ..

catnap- I'll give that serious thought, to at least have her name mentioned, but I find our NHS mgmt to be unhelpful with complaints/grievances. Thats why people like my colleague get away with it....

I know. I have to say when I read the bit about you giving her both barrels I did a silent cheer for you.

But just remember people like this thrive from getting a reaction. I assume from what you say about the departmental changes you won't be working together any more. Just grit your teeth for a few more weeks and be glad you'll be shot of her.

I know someone who was in a similar situation and things were looking bad for her. She recorded a conversation between her and the colleague (manipulated the convo so the colleague was acting like her cuntish self) and played it to management and suggested a tribunal would "look askance" (think thats right) at any suggestion that she was moved/redeployed/fired.
The colleague left and the number of people who breathed a sigh of relief was amazing to my friend she thought it was her alone!

I really hate these people. Used to work with one made me and my friends life. We all ended up leaving. Reported her and manager for bullying but ofcorse nothing happened. Now shes getting a better job. I really hope karma gets to her.

well, thats just it kali, I did report her once and it was brushed under the carpet.

The only crumb of comfort I have is that other people have seen the way she behaves, so when she goes round telling all and sundry that it was all my doing, which she will, I know people won't believe her. I hope karma gets her too.

I, meanwhile, have kept a dignified silence.....

Not only do I think you did the right thing in not telling her but if I had been your manager I would have explicitly told you not to tell her and leave it to me. Information about changes to someones job should always come from a manager IMHO.

In regards to the general arseholery, in my experience people like this are well known across an organisation and attempts to smear others only ever back fire and make them look worse. Just tell yourself that in the grand scheme of things, now you are rid off her, she is but a small and pathetic flea. She is not really important at all and therefore best brushed off which only a mild sense of annoyance. :o

Hearmyroar- small and pathetic little flea- I like that

I'm just glad to be rid of her.

If she had been a nice, reasonable person, the very least I would have done is warn her that changes were afoot, but that it was up to the managers to tell her exactly what.

It will be interesting in September when we officially go onto the main departmental rota. She will then have to move round other depts, and I can see much foot-stamping going on..