To wonder if this is abusive....(warning sensitive/sexual content, poss triggering)

[JaffaMyCake]

My sister had spoken to me about something that happened with her DP on weds night and I don't think she or I really know what to make of it, so was wondering if you MNetters could help.

Basically dsis and her dp had a brief drunk argument which resulted in (apparently angry) make up sex.

if easily offended please stop reading here

Now apparently, dsis was being ahem rather noisy, not wake the neighbours noisy, but louder than usual, and according to her, dp usually prefers her to be quiet. [clutching my pearls writing this next bit] now as he was shagging her from behind and obviously heard her being noisy, he pulled out, gave her three hard slaps on the bum and told her to "be quiet". Apparently they have never discussed hitting before in a sexual way. Dsis doesn't know whether or not to be pissed off that he basically hit her out of anger, or wonder if maybe he thought he was turning her on?

If this had happened outside the bedroom I would have said its abusive, does the fact it happened during sex change this?

if you preferred your partner to be quiet you would (if you were a normal person) say to them "i like it when you are quieter during sex"
you wouldn't hit them to make them do what you want

As far as my F.W.B is concerned the more vocal I am the better as he knows he's hitting all the spots. (Big smile).

The night I met him we slept together I had an orgasm and all he was saying was scream louder. so I did. xx

DP slapped me so hard during sex that it made me cry once! He just got carried away and thought I'd like it. He was mortified afterwards! (Saying that, most forms of physical violence are a massive trigger for me, so maybe I'm not your average sexual partner )
Maybe the DP didn't mean the actual slapping maliciously.

Even so though, I wouldn't be having any more sex with someone who refused to discuss sex (or who told me to be quiet, unless we were doing it somewhere naughty!)

If she doesn't feel she can discuss her likes and dislikes, she should not be shagging him.

Refusal to discuss creeps me out. I had a P like that. He was a very, very nasty man