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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's mini break!

38 replies

Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:24

AIBU
Ds2 is 8 months and breastfed so I haven't been away for more than 3 hours..... (Soon to be working 6 hour days)
DH has had 7 full days enjoying himself away from home- pub, football, Grand Prix etc since DS2 was born.

DH has arranged to meet up with friends the weekend before I go back to work.
It turns out its an overnighter on Sat. So away all Sat and Sun. He thinks he's reasonable as the others are going Fri night too.

AIBU to think its all very well him having leisure time but with a baby and 3 year old this just means I get no weekend.
Not fair esp before I return to work.

This has been arranged for ages but he wasn't sure which weekend and I assumed a day meet up not 2-3 days!

Really not sure how this will be viewed- DH thinks its my choice to BF, which it is....but I still think I need a break at weekends too.

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 16/08/2013 23:26

Well I agree...of course it's your choice to BF...they're your breasts but the baby belongs to you both! Your DH shouldn't have booked then...I would be very unhappy too.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 23:28

OK but if you're breastfeeding an 8 month old every 3 hours (did I understand that right?) then how can you possibly get a weekend break?

Unless you can express your milk and book something for yourself.

Is that possible?

I don't think your DH is unreasonable for wanting to to away overnight, but the communication seems to be lacking here.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 16/08/2013 23:33

That's true Worra...

Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:34

I can't yet.....
I think I'm just annoyed that I knew a get together was in the pipeline but not that it'd be all weekend.

DH's friends go on 5 day skiing trips without wives and kids so he thinks his wings are bring clipped....but their kids are older/bottle fed so wives also get their 'turn'

I think I might be being a but unreasonable but I'm knackered and not looking forward to going back to work.

He doesn't get it....he went into town drinking once from midday-7, plus an hour getting ready before- bit thought he'd only been away for an afternoon- for me an afternoon would be 3-4 hours not 7-8.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:37

By 'break' I meant shared care of 3 year old and 8 month old.
Feeds are about 6, 9.30, 1, 4, 8, 12 and 4am

He eats a tonne of food too.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 23:39

I do get what you're saying but you know 7 days in 8 months isn't exactly excessive when you're not actually breast feeding a baby.

I know you are, but it's not like your DH can share that task IYSWIM?

If you're going to be working 6hrs away from the baby, shouldn't you have left the baby for more than 3hrs by now?

I know hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I would have thought building up to it might have been best.

And during that build up you could have got yourself some 'you' time too?

YouTheCat · 16/08/2013 23:40

Seems a bit of an imbalance.

How about, once your baby is no longer breast feeding you book yourself a nice weekend away and leave him to get on with it?

StuntGirl · 16/08/2013 23:42

I think leaving you to deal with everything the weekend before you return to work is a little unfair, I would want to make sure my partner felt as energised and unstressed as possible before going back to work.

That said, communication is hugely lacking on both sides. Do you have a family calendar or anything? You need to find a way of discussing your plans and organising them in the fairest way possible.

Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:43

The baby has done 2 settling in visits at nursery. Still have 3 year old as summer holidays.
Will do 5 hours next week.....I have training day at work! P

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 16/08/2013 23:45

It is not unreasonable for either parent to want to go away for a couple of days every so often, you need a breather too at weekends.

Its a bit inconsiderate of him to pick the weekend before you go back to work, not very supportive

He is being an arse saying "your choice to breastfeed", also not very supportive (but the kind of thing people say when having a row).

"I think I might be being a bit unreasonable but I'm knackered and not looking forward to going back to work." Tell him this.

You sound worn out just by the way you are posting.

Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:46

We do need to communicate better....I knew there was a 'meet up' planned. Didn't know what. Did say to DH that hope not before I return to work but what can he do if that date suits everyone else.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/08/2013 23:48

If it's been arranged for ages and you assumed it wouldn't be an overnight stay, then I really do think this is just down to a lack of communication.

The "Your choice to breastfeed" comment does sound a bit off

But then again, he might be clumsily saying "Well it's not like I can feed our baby, is it?"

Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:49

I am worn out. I used to do Pilates on a Sat morning but stopped as it was £12...now have no regular slot for me.
It's a fact of life that I can't have a break yet.....
If he has a break it means I get even less of one though

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:51

Yeah guess no-one's 'unreasonable' really.
I'll plan a nice weekend for me and DC and go on a day out somewhere.

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 16/08/2013 23:52

It's not forever, and this is just one night away.
Tell him he's on duty the following weekend and plan to go swimming, out for lunch and to have a lie in.

ThatsNotMyPinot · 17/08/2013 00:09

Can you express at all? Then you could have a few extra hours to yourself to do something on a weekend? If I couldn't afford Pilates anymore, I'd sure as hell be down a coffee shop with a latte and book/paper every weekend, or going for a run as alternative 'me time'

ThatsNotMyPinot · 17/08/2013 00:11

Or if you could express enough for two or three feeds in advance, then I'd quite happily enjoy a long, slightly boozy lunch with a friend Wink

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 17/08/2013 00:15

Didn't you have another thread about him the other day?

I would be really pissed off tbh. For him to bugger off just before you're due back at work is really selfish and horrible. And if the timing is bad then surely he can just not go to this weekend and go another time?

How come he can afford piss ups, weekends away, grand prix and so on and you can't afford £12 a week for pilates?

Nanny0gg · 17/08/2013 00:17

Does your DH actually do family stuff with you and your DC?

(I see lots of tit-for-tat recommendations again!)

Original poster
Mrchip · 17/08/2013 00:18

I could try. In early days was easy. Then much harder to get much but I've not tried in months.

Also allergic to cows milk so formula not poss.
Will drink water though.

Running a possibility...though don't want to lose weight as already lighter than pre-preg.
DH runs every other night and sometimes I feel a bit lonely. Will prob be good to get back to work in some ways. Baby cried through nursery session this week though Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrchip · 17/08/2013 00:18

Yes we have great days out together

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/08/2013 00:21

Days out good.

How about at home time too? Or are you left to do everything?

Original poster
Mrchip · 17/08/2013 00:26

I do all cooking and washing
DH does do a fair amount but doesn't use his initiative eg brings baby for me to settle at naps, has never taken them out to park/for walk alone at weekend, needs prompting to gather ''kit' for days out.

Our weekday evening routine works v well though.

Think he spends too long on twitter/Instagram. Bloody iPhones.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 17/08/2013 00:28

Definite imbalance going on then.

So how would you get time away anyhow? Could he cope at home with them without you?

It's just me, but he seems to have had a lot of awaydays for someone with a baby at home.

ImpulsePineapple · 17/08/2013 00:31

Do you get a weekend away when you want one? Would you feel fine about it? No 'you're the mum you should be here' nonsense?