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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH's mini break!

38 replies

Mrchip · 16/08/2013 23:24

AIBU
Ds2 is 8 months and breastfed so I haven't been away for more than 3 hours..... (Soon to be working 6 hour days)
DH has had 7 full days enjoying himself away from home- pub, football, Grand Prix etc since DS2 was born.

DH has arranged to meet up with friends the weekend before I go back to work.
It turns out its an overnighter on Sat. So away all Sat and Sun. He thinks he's reasonable as the others are going Fri night too.

AIBU to think its all very well him having leisure time but with a baby and 3 year old this just means I get no weekend.
Not fair esp before I return to work.

This has been arranged for ages but he wasn't sure which weekend and I assumed a day meet up not 2-3 days!

Really not sure how this will be viewed- DH thinks its my choice to BF, which it is....but I still think I need a break at weekends too.

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 17/08/2013 08:32

I also want to.know how he has money for all this and you can't afford Pilates!

NotYouNaanBread · 17/08/2013 08:45

It does sound as though you need to be more decisive about time away from the children - £12 is a lot for Pilates, but as a poster above says, there are other things you can do.

You're going to have to space those feeds out more now that you're going back to work anyway, so designate Sat or Sunday morning as your time for yourself right now - not 90 mins, but 3 or 4 hours. Just get out of the house & see friends, go running, find a cheaper pilates or yoga class, coffee & a book on your own, laptop in a cafe & start a blog (or whatever).

MonstersDontCry · 17/08/2013 08:59

7 days in 8 months is nothing! I think you're over reacting tbh. Ive been breastfeeding for the last 2 years (2 DC) so I know how you feel but that doesn't mean your DH should stay home with you all the time.

My DP goes out every Friday night as a minimum, so count yourself lucky! And I've got a newborn to look after.

Original poster

Mrchip · 17/08/2013 09:30

Pilates needs paying termly and didn't have that chunk of money. I intended to start again when I get back to work.

We are going to need to work out how we spend weekends.
I've suggested every Sun night we review the next week as we do forget to communicate things -DH out 7-6 then we launch into dinner and bedtime then every other evening he runs

DH downstairs with both now and seems to struggle to manage the 2 of them. Older getting more attention seeking....maybe this is part of it.

monsters I wouldn't like your set up. I have been either breast feeding or pregnant since June 2009 though!

OP posts:

ShootMeNowPlease · 17/08/2013 09:39

Basically he's left you to manage on your mat pay / savings while he spends his income on himself, then? (Tell me if I'm wrong, but I can't see how else he can afford a weekend away when you can't afford your Pilates.) Niiice.

AlwaysOneMissing · 17/08/2013 09:54

YADNBU.
I think your DH is being unreasonable. He seems quite pleased to have the excuse of you bf to get out of taking responsibility for his family.
What you can do about it though, I don't know. Hopefully some other posters can advise.

Yama · 17/08/2013 10:02

YANBU. My dh took 3 weeks off work when I returned to work after dc2. Not just for me (well mainly) but also for the kids. Big upheaval for them too.

MummyTheresAfireBeeOnYourHead · 17/08/2013 22:28

YANBU. at all. I would expect far more support, be very vocal and specific about what you require and when and make sure he has both dc alone regularly ASAP, you can relax however you choose but certainly out of house or in house if he takes them to local park maybe? If he does this even a few times he will sharp get an idea of what it takes to deal with the dc in general, maybe away from you he will find his feet with it and with no easy out he will find own way to manage and realise what he enjoys/strengths in dealing with own kids?
My dh and I certainly have things we are better at than others and have learned over last four years to focus on the things we are best at/enjoy more, eg, he likes hoovering and will iron (if watching the footie does entire basket) but he can not cook for toffee. I know I am more proficient at handling 2dc but I had more chance to learn (part time work then sahm), it has taken him a lot longer but has reached similar point at last, that's not to say was easy at all to begin with but you are right, as others have said, communication is the key. He needs to see it from your point of view, the time he has away isnt too bad, maybe a bit much but will feel far more unfair if you feel you aren't getting much chance to get a break.
The weekly sit down with a calendar is a brilliant thing to do, we did that and it was a revelation, don't always do it now but it has lead to more frequent chats re dates and diaries and a lot less assuming what the other has planned or expects. At weekends I always ask dh what he may want to achieve then we plan family time/ outings accordingly and make best use time., likewise I tell him what I need to get done. It was a very very conscious thing though (instigated by me!!!) and needed to be done.

FredFredGeorge · 17/08/2013 23:02

MrChip I wonder if part of the reason DH struggles to manage both of them, is because you've not been apart from your DS for more than 3 hours in 8 months. As Worra said, hindsight is easy, but as a father, I learnt to cope with my EBF daughter by having to look after her for long periods of time (and by 8 months we weren't even expressing milk before much for whole days when DP was away she'd moved)

So I do think YABU for being annoyed about 7 days in 8 months, it's not a lot, but equally, DP is BU for not insisting that he had longer alone time with his children so you could have that time to yourself.

verytellytubby · 18/08/2013 09:39

I think it's the timing rather than the weekend away. Start expressing so you can have more time off. I don't think 7 nights out in 8 months is excessive. I find it weird you can remember and count them though.

Pinupgirl · 18/08/2013 10:04

Why are posters excusing this shitty behaviour from the op's dh? Honestly some of you need to cop on to yourselves.

He sounds like a selfish arse op-sorry but there it is. Totally selfish to book the entire weekend for himself when he knows you have the stress of returning to work. And yes why does he have money for a weekend out but you cant afford pilates? Very telling imo.

I wish posters wouldn't keep recommending getting equal time by going to a fecking spa weekend either! How is that comparable with a weekend bender?-Never got it.

I would be pointing out to your dh that he is equally responsible for your dcs and that's its time for him to start manning up-this means giving you a couple of hours to yourself and doing things with them himself. Honestly what kind of father cant take his kids to the park for a couple of hours?-Twat.

AlwaysOneMissing · 18/08/2013 23:14

Spot on Pinupgirl

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 18/08/2013 23:18

Totally agree with Pinupgirl.

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