to want the ground to swallow me up

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Am so embarrassed

Have been having a bad week. Pulled my leg last night and had to go to the docs this morning to sort it out and the receptionist was bloody horrible. I was already tearful from the crap week and very sore leg and that just set me off. Had to hide in the fucking toilet like a weepy schoolgirl who can't handle life, where I then proceeded to have a very loud panic attack that I couldn't really make any quieter. So fucking embarrassing.

Has anyone done anything equally cringey? Feel like a bit of a freak

Thank you.

Have decided that I'm going to go into town tomorrow and treat myself to one or two things. Maybe a cheap pair of shoes (mine are spent) and a nice, bright top. Just something I don't normally do that'll make me feel less tatty. Might dye my hair too. And promise not to be critical about myself for the whole day, no matter what it's about.

Feeling better today. Still have that feeling of things being unreal but have slept well and my leg is so much better, thank god!

Will try and get out today and just enjoy having a bit of a break

Morning orchard glad to hear you're feeling bit brighter today. Love the idea of getting out If u can and treating yourself to nice bright top or something.
Enjoy your time to yourself today and keep chatting to us for support and virtual hugs

Thank you

I made myself have a lie in (which I never do when I have a morning off). I naturally woke up at 6 on the dot but made myself go back to sleep and certainly feel all the better for it! Still feel detached but not so bad and am focusing on this afternoon/evening & looking forward to a nice night with DP.

I've cried in the school playground when my legs were so shaky during an anxiety attack that I just felt like I couldn't move (am agoraphobic). Felt really embarrassed and one of the mums had to walk home with me. The TA offered, they are all so lovely and understanding, but I always feel so stupid.

Not all receptionists are horrid, I would definitely complain about yours. Last time I had to see the GP and was feeling really panicky, they said I could sit in the reception area with them if it would help-I didn't, but it was really nice that they offered.

I'm on a waiting list for CBT (again!!), so hopefully it won't be too long before I can get a grip on this.

Hope you are ok.

Yes, when I feel low I always sleep...it gives the brain a boost.

Take care, Orchard.

I cried in work yesterday. Another staff member was very rude to me and just couldn't help it. My manager was very kind and let me hide in there for a while but I still had to hide in the loo after that till my eyes weren't red.

Thank you. Feeling a bit better for the break

(learned not to drink energy drinks though. I use them as a last resort, once or twice a month and forgot I was told to avoid caffeine...Had an embarrassing mild PA at DP's parents I'm pretty sure it happened literally because my heart was pounding and that set me off, though I didn't cry. I just felt effing terrified for a few minutes and got a cold sweat on. Eww)

I'll be more careful in future!

I had a panic attack outside school once because this car reversed too fast and missed DS by cm. Luckily another mum saw me, hugged me, calmed me and DS down.
OP, you prob know this, but have you tried just taking your pulse? It's what I do if I feel one coming and it nearly always works.
I had a horrible doctor's receptionist in London. After years of meeting her rudeness with politeness I looked her straight in the eyes when I was feeling strong and said at the top of my voice. "You really don't have to speak to me like that you know." She was sweetness and light after that.

I've been checking my pulse when I can feel myself starting to overthink/get flustered by something, just to try and remind myself that I need to calm down if I want to avoid another PA. Especially in public.

I'm also going to try and change my diet for a month. If it makes a difference in that time then I'll stick to it. My diet isn't great & I have a few issues with comfort feeding when stressed etc. I eat 2 healthy meals a day but often skip breakfast and snack...WAY more than I should sometimes. Will also cut out a few things or swap for better things (i.e whole grain instead of white). It might do nothing but it'll probably help me feel more stable at the least

(also, I feel quite sicky when I'm anxious. My stomach feels like it's in knots sometimes so I think not letting myself get really hungry is also an issue. I often don't eat enough in the morning then too much at night, when DS is in bed and I realize i'm really hungry I sound really irresponsible but I swear i'm just forgetful )