Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To want ONE hour, for me. Warning: Self pitying

75 replies

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 09:15

I feel really bad even thinking this because i am very lucky, my DD is a lovely wee thing, loving and generally well behaved. She is 8, but she is full on. Yesterday a lovely lady on the bus said to us as we got off, "your daughter is so pretty" awww. Then she said "i bet you'd like to change your name sometimes though" and went on to say how she had a constant questioner etc, my DD does not stop with the questions which is nice i suppose but its constant she constantly wants to know what we are doing next/tomorrow and the whole day has to be filled with some activity or another so its non-stop yap!

I had an appointment today that i really should have kept, but i don't have anyone to have DD. When i said to my mother i had to go today (because she wanted to do something with us) she aske how long i would be and said "well i suppose you could leave her with me" but the thing is, by the time i have bused over and back we are looking at 3-4 hours and i got the impression that she felt an hour was too much . To be fair, 3-4 probably would be, its not her fault. Im pissed off with DP though, he is self employed and working around the corner, could have zipped home, given me a lift to my appointment and brought me back, took DD to feed the ducks and gone back to work but no, he didn't want to do this because he wants to finish early today :(

Since the summer holidays have started I have been with DD constantly and i am feeling a bit trapped i guess. I know there are lots of other parents with this too so i i know im being spoilt. I don't have any mummy friends (so consequently DD doesn't see school friends etc) so its just me and DD or DD and my mum (who isn't easy company just now) and i feel like im climbing the walls. I love being with DD but i would really like some adult company. She is going to bed later because its the holidays, DP does bedtime and invariably falls asleep on her bed so i don't get to talk to him in the evenings either.

I feel like a bad mother but im finding the holidays really hard this year :( I don't want to wish the time away, she'll be back at school soon enough and i'll miss her

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:36

err, zing - the emoticon is there, i'd help if i could but well, im not sure what you are wanting us to do?

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:38

Olivia, not unless he could have brought the kitchen he is fitting home with him

OP posts:

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 12:41

LEM it isn't on the computer or my smartphone!

you type in [ cake ] without gaps and it makes a blank space or blank post.
I'll show you!
(your thing comes up as a green and blue thing)

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 12:42

nothing on phone

page with blue and green on pc.

not good enough

ClaraOswald · 16/08/2013 12:43

HelenMumsnet took all the cake with her when she left the miserable baggage!

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:44

Oh, excuse me while i go and post my issues on someone elses thread

OP posts:

OliviaBenson · 16/08/2013 12:48

Ah ok- perhaps not. But with a bit of notice he could have rearranged or made plans to allow you to your appointment. If it were me, I'd sit down with him and explain that you have to make the next appointment and he will have to look after your daughter. Could you get a later appointment so that he can finish earlier?

No idea what all this cake stuff is about.

Hope your ok op.

ClaraOswald · 16/08/2013 12:48

LEM, are there any children living locally that your DD knows well enough to call on?

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 12:49

sorry LEM you are right.

I'll get my posts deleted.

YouTheCat · 16/08/2013 12:50

What the hell has the cake icon got to do with Lem's thread?

Lem, can you find a time when your dh can take a few hours so you can rearrange the appointment?

I was supposed to have bereavement counselling many years ago but the only time for it was 3pm and there was no way it was ever going to be possible being that dd's school finished at 3.15 and ds's minibus dropped him off at 3.30.

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 12:53

Apologies. ignore it

LEM I sent you a PM

again, very sorry

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:53

nah, its ok zing - although now ive gone from self pity due to lack of space to self pity due to lack of cake!! In fact i may have to make some - you could have cheered me up!

OP posts:

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 12:55

well LEM

that's just it, I wanted to send you virtual cake to cheer you up, but couldn't......

I'm a fool. I'm very sorry.

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:55

Right - sorted - DD and i are going black berry picking and then going to make some sort of cake concoction with them!

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 12:56

you are not a fool zing, im just a grumpy ol biatch today :)

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 16/08/2013 12:57

I do think you get to have an opinion on bedtime. She's not 2, she's 8, it seems rather odd for her dad to be falling asleep in bed with her every night. Surely that has to stop at some point anyway?

If he's happy to take her out then let them have a father-daughter activity every weekend, perhaps every Saturday morning he takes her swimming. It's good for them to have one-on-one time and you can rest a bit.

thebody · 16/08/2013 13:01

LEM, aren't there local kids she can pall up with.

looking at it from her point if view she needs a break too from your adult company. not being insulting if you see what I mean. she needs to play not always be doing things adult controlled.

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 14:38

LEM

will

cheer you up?

Original poster

LEMisdisappointed · 16/08/2013 16:10

thanks for the cake and beverages zing :)

Am pissed off to high heaven now though because DP had promised DD he would be home early and ive just phoned him to find out he is no-where near finished He asked why i was pissed off and said i was guilt tripping him because he "has to work", all i said was, well if I had known you wouldn't be home i would have taken DD out. She has been as good as gold all day though bless her and played with her toys etc while i have been a shit mum moping on the sofa.

My mother hasn't even rang because she wouldn't have wanted to have dd

I think they think i go to counselling as a leisure activity

OP posts:

ZingWantsCake · 16/08/2013 16:26

oh LEM I sympathise with you!

I really wish I could look after her..
why don't you go out for a little walk and treat her to an ice cream?

I had a grumpy day yesterday until I got silly and got out whitboard markers and started drawing flowers and stars on kids bellies!
they ended up with sideburns and glasses and moustaches etc.

I know things like that won't solve your problems but a good laugh or a treat WILL lift you up a bit.

(hugs)

MuddlingMackem · 16/08/2013 16:59

If you need to make mum friends do you do facebook?

I know that I'm a member of a couple of 'mums in . . .' groups, one of which is very active and has arranged get togethers. It might be worth a search for similar groups for your town or area as there are bound to be other people in the same boat as you who would jump at the chance of adult company.

It's really good that your DD was able to enjoy her own company and just play by herself today. You should let her do that more often, kids don't really get the chance to do that as much as they need, and if she's happy with her own company, exploit it!

As for the chatty child, I share your pain. I took the kids to the supermarket and all of the way there and most of the way back I was subjected to DS wittering on about an xBox game that I'm not interested in and he's too young to play anyway. Finally, on the way home, I broke it to him that he needs to think about his audience before he speaks and ask himself before he speaks 'will this person be interested in what I want to say' and if not to either think of an alternative subject or just stay quiet!

I'm not sure how successful the chat will prove to be, but I live in hope.

usuallyright · 16/08/2013 17:10

holiday clubs. Get her in at least 1 day a week. Money well spent. You'll be a nicer Mum the rest of the week!

JackyJax · 16/08/2013 17:23

Hello there. Gosh this sounds like a nightmare!

I have 3 boys and I still manage to get an hour to myself in the school holidays. At your daughter's age, she is young enough to understand that you cannot attend to her every hour of the day: it's just not reasonable and it is not particularly healthy for her.

You need to set it up every day that you can have an hour for yourself. You may need to start in 20 minute blocks. Warn her in advance that you will be baking/reading/in the bath/mumsnetting for the next 20 minutes and you are not to be disturbed.

Then brain storm with her what she can do whilst you are busy. My (nearly) 8 year old would read/kick a football (on his own or with brother), go on the trampoline, do a Sudoku, sort out his card collection, etc.

Finally set the timer for 20 minutes. Let her be in charge of the timer and when it rings she can come and get you.

Then praise her massively for how good she's been amusing herself for 20 minutes.

Gradually increase the time so that you get an hour. Do not let her just watch tv/go on the computer.

You sound like such a lovely caring mother but this does sound like torture. I'm an ex teacher for what it's worth and used to have children in my classes who sound like your daughter. I had to use behavioural strategies to ensure they didn't constantly seek out my attention.

Good luck with it all and please try to be kinder to yourself: I think you're doing a great job!

Rowgtfc72 · 16/08/2013 19:27

My sympathies LEM. DD is six and very well behaved but a pretty full on in your face type of girl. The only way I get round this is get a wall planner in June and overplan every day. Ginger ninja is less hard work when occupied! We dont do playdates really as Im antisocial but have found a few things at the library and round and about where I can grab 20mins to myself. Even sitting at the park and letting her bike round and round gives me just enough time to recharge my batteries and not have to hear mummy on a loop! Plan,plan,plan but factor in your 20mins as well.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread