To want ONE hour, for me. Warning: Self pitying

[LEMisdisappointed]

I feel really bad even thinking this because i am very lucky, my DD is a lovely wee thing, loving and generally well behaved. She is 8, but she is full on. Yesterday a lovely lady on the bus said to us as we got off, "your daughter is so pretty" awww. Then she said "i bet you'd like to change your name sometimes though" and went on to say how she had a constant questioner etc, my DD does not stop with the questions which is nice i suppose but its constant she constantly wants to know what we are doing next/tomorrow and the whole day has to be filled with some activity or another so its non-stop yap!

I had an appointment today that i really should have kept, but i don't have anyone to have DD. When i said to my mother i had to go today (because she wanted to do something with us) she aske how long i would be and said "well i suppose you could leave her with me" but the thing is, by the time i have bused over and back we are looking at 3-4 hours and i got the impression that she felt an hour was too much . To be fair, 3-4 probably would be, its not her fault. Im pissed off with DP though, he is self employed and working around the corner, could have zipped home, given me a lift to my appointment and brought me back, took DD to feed the ducks and gone back to work but no, he didn't want to do this because he wants to finish early today :(

Since the summer holidays have started I have been with DD constantly and i am feeling a bit trapped i guess. I know there are lots of other parents with this too so i i know im being spoilt. I don't have any mummy friends (so consequently DD doesn't see school friends etc) so its just me and DD or DD and my mum (who isn't easy company just now) and i feel like im climbing the walls. I love being with DD but i would really like some adult company. She is going to bed later because its the holidays, DP does bedtime and invariably falls asleep on her bed so i don't get to talk to him in the evenings either.

I feel like a bad mother but im finding the holidays really hard this year :( I don't want to wish the time away, she'll be back at school soon enough and i'll miss her

United thats a brilliant idea - oh, no, hang on.........i have to count my feet!

crossed posts, that was meant for your first idea :)

Do you have any playschemes nearby? Can you book her into something, even just mornings?

Oh, id not be feeling sorry for myself if i had to miss the dentist

Maybe not now, but you probably would later!

tell your DD that you are pretending you lost her at Tesco? they will look after her for you!

I know your DP works. Does he work 24/7? What about evenings, weekends? Surely between you, you can find time for you to get a break?

Counselling is really important. I think it's pretty terrible that he would rather see you cancel it so he can leave work early.

I really think you are entirely reasonable in your feelings. Don't feel guilty, don't put it all on yourself, try to set up some ways for you to get a break.

I think you are being very hard on yourself - you shouldn't feel guilty and your DP needs a bit of a wake up call as to how you are feeling.

Does he know? Is he aware of how you really feel and the importance of the counselling?
Unless you tell him clearly - how you feel and how you need him to be more involved then your frustration will continue.
You sound lonely as well which is probably exacerbating your feelings of being trapped. An 8 year old doesn't need 24/7 access to their mother - Its not healthy for either of you .

Poor DD, i have pretty much ignored her all morning - she seems to be quite happy to occupy herself though. I feel bad about it though. Maybe we will go for a walk this afternoon x

Is this NHS counselling? If so are you not at risk of being kicked off the list by cancelling 3 times?

Nothing to add to everyone elses advice, but the summer holidays are really hard, my dcs grandparents live just round the corner and have never helped out/ taken them out. Mine are older now, but I try and plan a day out every other day, otherwise we all get cabin fever.

Are you near a library LEM? There is often something going on there?

My friend has her 7yo in kids clubs activities (planting, painting, swimming, Hit alls with bats etc.) They're only abut 1.5hrs at most and you must drop them off and then pick them up, but it gives her 90minutes to have a coffee and relax. She uses the local gym - would that be an option for you? It's to too long for the guilt to kick in but then it also gives yu a little bit of time to yourself.

dingit, i have taken DD to loads of things, but none where i have had the opportunity to leave her (there was one actualy at the start of the hliday - bliss) but i am pretty much overloaded on "days out" type things as well. I swear if i see another fecking castle.................

Purple-paint, it is yes, and i am very concerned about this :( This will be the second time i have cancelled. My counseller is very understanding though.

She may be understanding but you haven't really got a very good reason for cancelling - your Dp could have taken DD, he just didn't want to. You don't get counselling for a broken fingernail so the NHS must deem you need it - it is therefore clearly wrong for your DP to prioritise an early finish over your mental health. Perhaps you need to be more assertive with your DP here.

You are putting in too much effort ! At eight years old You do not have to entertain her every minute of the day.

You mentioned you had pretty much ignored her for the morning and she seemed quite happy to occupy herself .

Do this again ! Just explain you have to do something which requires your attention, and that you will do something nice together a specified time. (Then you can lock yourself in the bathroom for long, hot soak....)while she reads, does colouring, makes something from a craft kit, builds fairy houses in the garden etc.

Good Luck.

I couldn't get childcare - i couldn't take her with me, i had no choice but to cancel. I am cross with DP but it would have been the same if he was working for someone else. I am upset with my mum as she knew i had to go today and made the half offer to have DD for an hour last night, but didn't call this morning to make the offer concrete.

Is there an activity type place you could arrange for her to go? (One in a town near us does 10-3 which is ideal for a break)
Can dp come home for lunch a couple of days to give you chance to be alone for a bit to recharge.
Can you get her to do a sponsored silence?

I really do think your dp needs to pull his socks up a bit and arrange it so you can go to your counselling sessions.

Your DP isn't working for someone else though - as you say he can easily get time off to look after her while you go for counselling.

Is there a local teenager who could babysit for you for a couple of hours in your own home ?

i think he felt under pressure with today's job at least that is what he said - that he could have her but would feel under pressure with his job so i thought best to cancel. I have a long history of making him leave jobs etc when i have been not coping well so i don't want to go down that road again

I think you are a fantastic mother and are actually too conscientious.

you don't have to do things every day. put in a DVD and she can watch that while you have a break.

you shouldn't be putting yourself last all the time and you shouldn't cancel your counselling sessions, are your feelings now a result of this?

go to your local library and see what's on. also local leisure centre. you may be able to get her into some sessions.

if she's not keen tell her to just give it a try.

you arnt alone we all feel like this at some time.

I think you can have a say on bedtime.....it's stopping you seeing dh! Dd is 8...

Sorry, but I just have to announce that I started a new thread in AIBU to get the cake emoticon back.

I want cake! how can we get through the day without it?

I had to NC and I'm begging you to help!

I'm really shocked at your dh- to me he is being unreasonable. Could he not have come home and worked whilst your dd is sat quietly? It's all very well saying he is busy, but if he is planning to leave early that argument is invalid to me.

Hope your ok- please prioritise yourself for a change, it's important.

If she's 8 can't she ring up/call for her friends herself? At that age I remember ringing up to invite friends round and them phoning me, it wasn't all through mums (though obv. mums would say if it was ok or not!).

She needs to learn to occupy herself. I am an only child and spent hours and hours by myself, lost in a book or drawing or writing or wandering about staring at stuff! Why don't you say that if she can spend a whole hour without needing to disturb you you will watch a DVD with her or something? Make sure there are drinks/snacks where she can easily get them so she's got no excuses!