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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terribly afraid that that was it?

147 replies

entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:11

DS about to reach a year unemployed. So was that it, that 19 months of postgraduate temporary contracts, and now all he has to look forward to at 24 is the dole for the next 40 plus years?

All I hear is "new graduates win over old ones, no employer will look at you with a year's gap" and to make it worse he ignored my advice to do voluntary work, convinced he'd get a "proper job" if he only tried hard enough. But with a 2:2 even from a good Uni, no-one wants him.
Can't read my FB with all my friends' children's wild A level and Oxbridge successes right now. Can't go to friends, can't admit how I feel.

Feeling like the worst parent in the Universe. If I'd done better at mothering he'd have a job, and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Yes, I know, it's not about me. I have no right.

Sobbing

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/08/2013 23:15

Would he consider doing some voluntary now? Wondered about doing the year long voluntary service overseas - can't think of the name at the moment.

I can understand how you feel, it's worrying times.

YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 23:16

There are very many excellent, experienced and educated people out there who are struggling to find jobs.

It has more to do with cuts in public and private sector jobs than your skills as a mother.

Your ds might have to lower his expectations for a bit.

expatinscotland · 15/08/2013 23:17

Can he look at working abroad?

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:19

He says he's applying for "anything even remotely matching my skills" (he is very techie, has several computer languages) Doesn't live at home, so I've no idea what that means in practice.

OP posts:
thebody · 15/08/2013 23:20

hey there. my oldest left uni with a 2.2 last year too. he has done casual work since but is now joining the navy.hes 23

ds2 finishes uni next year and will probably go work abroad, loads of teaching English schemes and ski jobs going.

your ds is 24. what about going abroad to work. camp America etc.

its bit your fault. recession is a bugger but to be honest he will need to be flexible and think world wide.

he will get something.

2Retts · 15/08/2013 23:21

expatinscotland, that's what I'm trying to persuade some of the young guys I know to do. I think it's particularly important that this generation is exposed to working in a growing economy so they're not conditioned to believe 'this is it' and there are opportunities for those that are motivated, to do so.

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:22

He has a partner committed to one place for a year. He won't move.

OP posts:
fourpaws · 15/08/2013 23:22

You do sound down!

Of course you're bound to be worried, but please don't blame yourself for the shitty state of the economy.

It's not too late for him to begin doing voluntary work - or what about study/training for a specific vocation eg teaching, nursing etc? However, easy for me to say this I know, but now he's not only over 18, he's over 21 - so really, it is up to him. Advise him if he asks, but don't try to run his life?

Did you feel your mum was responsible for your career etc when you were his age? I didn't - or more accurately, if I did, it was only in as much as I was consciously doing something different from what she thought I ought to be doing!

I can't really believe people "only want new graduates" - you are probably right that spening his time adding to his interpersonal skills, life experience and wisdom in some way would be worthwhile, but as suggested above, he may need to work this out for himself.

MrsKoala · 15/08/2013 23:24

:(

What is his degree in? Has he considered more training?

Jovellanos · 15/08/2013 23:24

If I'd done better at mothering he'd have a job

Stop that. He's 24. It's up to him, really.

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:26

@ MrsKoala Maths. Can't get into an MA with a 2:2. He only got a 2:2 because he fell down a flight of stairs (accident, not drunk) the weekend before exams and broke his writing thumb...

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 15/08/2013 23:27

there was a bloke on the local radio the other day who had been desperate for a job - so he made himself a sandwich board to wear about the town - headed "employment wanted" & detailing a bit of his experience and contact number, after just ONE DAY - he had 3 offers of work.

they were impressed at his attitude, his confidence in doing it, his initiative.

what can YOUR DS do to get himself noticed above all the others out there?

volunteering DOES look good & makes you feel more positive about yourself - too many youngsters sitting around waiting for the jobs to come to them, IMO.

timidviper · 15/08/2013 23:28

Your DS is now a grown man and, if he is old enough to reject your advice, he is old enough to accept responsibility for himself.

My DD is applying for graduate jobs and is aware that, at some point, she may have to lower her expectations. She is, in the meantime, building up experiences that add to her CV, travelling, temporary work, etc. Your son needs to be doing this too. Often it is this experience that makes the difference with job applications, he needs to find something to set him apart from the crowd. When DS applied fo.r grad schemes (with a 2:1 from a top uni) it was his extra experience he always got asked about.

MrsKoala · 15/08/2013 23:29

What would he like to do? Is he good with computers?

softlysoftly · 15/08/2013 23:32

My Dsis left her degree due to anxiety and a bastard who messed up her head.

From 18 to 25 she has had no work and depression.
Last year she found a path, did lots of volunteer work, worked with community groups etc.

She got a job last week :) :)

Ok so it's not running the world but it's a foot in the door and she can work her way up. Do no a years unemployment means nothing if he is willing to keep trying other things.

So volunteer work and perhaps offering his services freelance? Any tecchy work he can do selfemployed? Get himself set up and go to some free business networking events (local enterprise council should help).

It's not your fault and it's NOT the end.

TeddyPickleStick · 15/08/2013 23:32

All very OTT. No one has died here. He's a grown man and I somehow doubt he will spend the next 40 years on the dole

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:33

He wants to be a programmer, did have a job in customer services in a software firm but they lost a big contract and shed all the staff they could. He worked his butt off for them (he isn't lazy, as some posters seem to be implying) and for the next company and feels quite down.

OP posts:
Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:34

@softlysoftly wow, well done your sister, give her many congratulations from me!

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 15/08/2013 23:34

Volunteering not only looks good, it puts him in situations he can use for capability based interviews. It also makes him stand out if he's doing something a bit unusual or that he is passionate about.

How about helping older people with computers and the Internet? I'm sure I've seen a volunteer program for that somewhere.

Or helping at a computer club at a local school?

Find a local charity that he cares about and do them a fancy new website for cost price

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:35

Well, thanks for your sympathy Teddy.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 15/08/2013 23:35

I listened to a business program on Radio 4 a while ago. Deborah Meaden from Dragons' Den was on. She was asked whether she would hire a graduate who'd spent a year applying for management jobs or a graduate who'd applied for jobs whilst cleaning toilets at MacDonalds. She said that every time she would choose the one who'd worked, even if the job was awful. She said that a lot of graduates believe they should get a head start but actually they didn't have a lot to give an employer.

He needs to do anything in order to find work. Unemployment in his situation isn't respected. I assume he's trying all of the graduate training schemes, even if they're not in his area? Some are very good. Some he might not think of eg management training for Aldi etc, yet they are fantastic training schemes.

Failing that, voluntary work would be good. Could he go into schools and help children with their Maths? If he can't be bothered with a CRB check, he could ask if he could go into his local college and work with adults. He could help immigrant families learn to speak English.

Ultimately he needs to do anything which he can then write about in his CV. I am sorry for him; it's really hard, I know, but his unemployment needs to be sorted now.

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:36

Yes, I know volunteering is good, it's how I got my job. You don't need to convince me :-)

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 15/08/2013 23:37

Sorry - Why can't he do an MA with a 2.2? DH has 2 masters and he got a 2.2 in his BA.

Would he consider a PGCE? Where in the UK are you based?

Original poster
entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:38

Really not a teacher in the making. These days you need a 2:1, same for graduate schemes.

He has tried!

OP posts:
IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 15/08/2013 23:39

Could he do some freelance work? Set up his own website and find his own clients directly?

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