Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terribly afraid that that was it?

147 replies

entropynow · 15/08/2013 23:11

DS about to reach a year unemployed. So was that it, that 19 months of postgraduate temporary contracts, and now all he has to look forward to at 24 is the dole for the next 40 plus years?

All I hear is "new graduates win over old ones, no employer will look at you with a year's gap" and to make it worse he ignored my advice to do voluntary work, convinced he'd get a "proper job" if he only tried hard enough. But with a 2:2 even from a good Uni, no-one wants him.
Can't read my FB with all my friends' children's wild A level and Oxbridge successes right now. Can't go to friends, can't admit how I feel.

Feeling like the worst parent in the Universe. If I'd done better at mothering he'd have a job, and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Yes, I know, it's not about me. I have no right.

Sobbing

OP posts:
Ijustbluemyself · 16/08/2013 00:20

By the way did he get extenuating circumstances for his thumb injury?

garlicagain · 16/08/2013 00:22

Oh, and if my advice is at all helpful, please could he fix my PIP application for me?? Wink

Hippymama · 16/08/2013 00:23

Has he looked in places like Crewe and Liverpool as well? Both are within easy commuting distance (I commuted from Manchester to Liverpool on public transport for a couple of years). Or Sheffield and Leeds?

spiderlight · 16/08/2013 00:23

Is he on People per Hour? Freelance work will all help to bolster his CV and build contacts.

PixelAteMyFace · 16/08/2013 00:24

OP I know just how you feel - I could have written your post this time last year!

My DS was unemployed for over 2 years after graduating. He applied for hundreds of jobs, went through many selection processes and was rejected a few times in the final round. Final round rejections were very hard, as by then his hopes were high. Although a particularly low point came when Boots rejected him as being unsuitable to stock shelves in the run-up to Christmas. By then he was applying for absolutely anything.

DS had previous work experience as he worked before going to uni, and also worked during the first three years he was studying, including a work placement abroad in his second year. All of this was apparently irrelevant when he came onto the job market, as potential employers were only ever interested in the previous six months, twelve months max, and he hadn`t any recent enough experience.

In order to have something to put on his CV, and to show that he was being proactive, DS did a course to consolidate his IT skills, and then did another course in something completely different to add another facet to what he could offer.

He also applied for occasional work through his university`s job shop, did the odd open day stewarding etc. Finally, after being very persistent, he was offered a permanent job within the university, which he is enjoying very much.

I know how disheartening it is to see your child struggling, but at 24 your son is young and there are still options available to him. Sometimes you have to take a different direction to the one you expected.

FWIW my eldest DS struggled to get a decent job in the UK despite his MSc in maths, so he applied for a job abroad and has never looked back - he has a much better quality of life and is not planning to move back to the UK.

Hippymama · 16/08/2013 00:24

Or Chester?

ilovesooty · 16/08/2013 00:25

I commute from Leeds to Hull 2 days a week. Agree with Hippymama that he needs to look over a broad area.

MrsKoala · 16/08/2013 00:27

would he consider staying with you near London in the week and traveling back to GF at weekends? That may open some more opportunities to him.

Growlithe · 16/08/2013 00:30

Haven't read the whole thread, but I've got to say as a redundant old programmer (almost obsolete skills) a lot of the actual programming roles are now outsourced offshore (India, China etc).

I'd say he'd have to broaden his search into Systems Architecture, Design or Business Analysis.

Good luck to him.

Original poster
entropynow · 16/08/2013 00:43

Actually he lives in Chester, partner (a bloke, not that I sincerely hope that makes a difference to his job prospects) is in Manchester, so he's looking all over that area.

OP posts:
Original poster
entropynow · 16/08/2013 00:44

Will ask about Peopleperhour, thanks spiderlight.

OP posts:
Original poster
entropynow · 16/08/2013 00:46

Ijustbluemyself: no, they just added up the marks he had from papers he'd already taken (as luck would have it, not in his best topics). He asked to retake the whole year and they said no.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 16/08/2013 00:47

I'm sorry for assuming it was a GF entropy Blush for some reason i thought you'd said GF upthread. I also hope that wouldn't make any difference tho - i find it hard to imagine it would.

Ijustbluemyself · 16/08/2013 00:50

That's really unfair entropy, how annoying, they should have come up with a better solution :(

MrsKoala · 16/08/2013 00:54

Sorry to side track Ijustbluemyself - i am really laughing at your name and thinking of that bit in arrested development Grin

Yes OP, that's shit :(

zzzzz · 16/08/2013 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuntGirl · 16/08/2013 01:25

Another one who thinks he's limiting his job searches to the ones he'd rather have. £20k is wildly optimistic too, is he only searching for jobs £20k+?

Original poster
entropynow · 16/08/2013 01:30

"Another one who thinks he's limiting his job searches to the ones he'd rather have. £20k is wildly optimistic too, is he only searching for jobs £20k+?"

No, he isn't. I mentioned that figure because someone asked me what he got before, is all. Frankly, all these folk claiming knowledge of and dissing someone they have never met... Cameron and Osborne's "tar all jobless as shirkers" campaign seems to have succeeded horribly well. But hey.

OP posts:
RiceBurner · 16/08/2013 01:31

Oh dear. I can really sypathise with you.

Our DS2 got a 2.2 (top uni) & was looking for a grad job for a whole year, duiring which time DH and I were worried sick.

My advice to myself in those bad times was to try not to worry/criticise, and let him deal with it. It's his life.

At least your DS has a partner to help him/talk things through which is a comfort? Also, with a 2.2 in maths, he must be quite clever! So there must be a (good) job out there for him somewhere ... especially as he had 19 months of work experience before he hit this 'barren' patch?

He just has to work out what he wants to do, & what sort of job suits his personality & ambition. And then find a way to get a "in". Manchester is a reasonably good place for getting a job I would have thought? (And experiencing job growth?)

Of course, your DS might need to review his options/direction occasionally, (with a view to trying a different approach), in case he's really flogging a dead horse on the track he's on. But as someone (sort of) said earlier, it's very unlikely he will NEVER ever get a good job again. (It would be so wasteful to the UK economy to have maths grads long-term in min wage jobs?)

If it helps, there are a LOT of young people in same boat as he is at the moment. (Their parents just don't shout about it on FB.)

Can he get any relevant unpaid work which would help his profile? (Has he considered tutoring in IT/maths?)

Anyway, just hang in there as his mum. Give him general advice, (if you have any), but mainly just send him your love & support. Tell him it will all turn out fine if he keeps going/applies for lots of stuff.

I like the phrase "God helps those who help themselves". (Tho I am an atheist!) Cos the harder you try, in general, the luckier you get?

Best of luck to him and you!

Original poster
entropynow · 16/08/2013 01:31

zzzz: don't now, I know nothing about computing.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 16/08/2013 01:36

I find it extremely surprising a graduate in Manchester cannot find any kind of work at all, even if its not something great. There are all the small towns around it too.

I think he's foolish and short sighted not to consider moving away for work. Needs must and all that.

Wearyandworndown · 16/08/2013 03:02

I wondered too if he couldn't have put in for 'extenuating circumstances' re the broken thumb? It would have needed to be done BEFORE the exam/assessment board sat, however.

Had he got dr's notes/evidence that it seriously compromised his ability to write? Had he spoken to his degree Programme Leader about his injury? Did his continuous assessment rate a higher classification previously? He could think about appealing, I guess. If the university had all this information though and his continuous assessment indicated a 2:2 category, this is what he would have been awarded.

MistressDeeCee · 16/08/2013 03:26

OP I do think the best thing would be to broaden the areas in which he looks for work; although Im sorry he'd have to do that because despite all thats been said, there arent so many who would just up sticks from where they know & love, and move on. Its a shame to have to do so as well. I have several friends with sons/daughters who are graduates and despite searching hard havent been able to find anything, some have been looking for a long time now. My niece, too...its disheartening to see.

Its not easy out there. These youths have at least studied in an attempt to improve their education to a high standard, and they deserve better. Uni/further education isnt easy, and Graduates are just as entitled as anybody else to expect a good salary. Too often its as if young graduates are begrudged 'well they should just take anything'. Often those saying this benefited from better longterm jobs with decent salaries years ago, & without a longterm student debt hanging around their necks too. They were not necessarily in the position of having to move miles away in the hope of getting work, or being longterm unemployed after studying. Yes its different now, but lack of empathy rears its head too often.

Think someone may have already mentioned Camp America or BUNAC but if he hasnt considered, that would perhaps be a good thing as its not permanent, and looks good on the CV. & just keep trying..turn looking for a job into a job in itself. Id be feeling the same as you but Im sure he wont be unemployed for that much longer if he really puts himself out there to get work, and highlights other skills he may have too.

Mimishimi · 16/08/2013 03:32

There is a lot of demand in China for English speaking graduates to teach English? Has he considered doing something like that and whilst he's over there, he could also try to get programming jobs in Shanghai/HK? What lamguages has he learned? My DH finds it hard to hire good people who have experience with Scalar/F#. Don't be too hard on your son or yourself -he's only 24 and it's hard with just a bachelor's these days. Flowers

Cravingdairy · 16/08/2013 04:29

OP you have had a lot of good advice but you sound very defensive. Posters are doing their best to help and there is a lot of information to take in. I really don't think anyone is judging your son. I personally think you need to take a step back. Your son is an adult and you can't fix everything for him. I do understand this is a very worrying time for you.