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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to still really not like this person after all this time?

64 replies

Grudgeypants · 15/08/2013 17:05

Back in uni I joined a club and made friends with this girl. I thought she was really lovely and we got on like a house on fire.

Also in this club was this boy who I had a massive crush on at the time and told her.

She then proceeded to make a play for him soon after and they got together.

I got over him quickly because it was just a silly crush anyway and a few months later met the man who is now my DH of many years and we have a gorgeous DD.

And I never really continued the friendship with the girl. Things didn't end acrimoniously but as time and exams marched on things just faded.

I haven't seen her for years but an opportunity has come up to join a group that she attends and I just don't know how I will react should I see her again. She is married to the bloke and I'm glad it's all worked out for everyone. But I still can't completely forgive her for knowing I liked the boy and pursuing him. If she had said 'hey I think I like him too' I would have understood and forgot about him when I realised he liked her. But I felt and still feel friends shouldn't do that to each other. It's more about the betraying my trust than anything else.

Any pearls of wisdom or smacks in the face?

OP posts:

Samnella · 15/08/2013 22:44

My initial reaction was that you need to get over it and its a non event. But I see your recent posts and the issue is how this woman behaved and not what it was about as such. In other words the man is not the issue. I understand where you are coming from . You had a friend who betrayed you. That's a hard one. I would go to the group and pretend you vaguely recall her, can't remember them meeting blah blah. I reckon you will Feel awkward the first time but less and less after that. Keep her at arms length as well.

mynameismskane · 15/08/2013 22:48

Don't let it stop you going. I understand what you are saying - it's about how she acted. Ignore the aibu haterz (!)

Bumpotato · 15/08/2013 22:52

You're over thinking this and the fact you're still bothered is very odd. Are you happy these days?

In this kind of situation the "all's fair in love and war" expression definitely comes into play.

If you're going to make a tit of yourself ny being awkward with this lady, avoid the club.

Bumpotato · 15/08/2013 22:53

*by

Caff2 · 15/08/2013 23:14

I got pregnant aged 18 by my first uni boyfriend, it resulted in both of us leaving uni and living at his (??) parents' house in Monmouth, miles from my home. I was very vulnerable. It was a crap year. I had a termination I'm still not over.

I did get a degree, from a different university, became pregnant again by a new partner (current) very happily when I was 22, and my partner and I are now parents to two children.

I still wish '95 to '98 didn't happen, but it all worked out ok.

What I'm saying is, life moves on.

Also, I'm 36! Things really have worked out!

Caff2 · 15/08/2013 23:26

I underestimated how much I still care. I'd like to name him and his parents for allowing hat happened to me that year.

Caff2 · 15/08/2013 23:27

What, not hat.

Caff2 · 15/08/2013 23:29

Particularly his hateful mum. "If you have this baby, it will ruin x's life. And you will be alone"

neunundneunzigluftballons · 15/08/2013 23:34

I did this and worse to one of my friends I fell in love with her ex, they had been together for a few months when she broke it off. Myself and said ex were out, we were close friends as we were in the same class and we got together and I never spoke to my friend again. We, me and guy, were young and stupid but I understand her position completely. I would not expect her to forgive me but nor would I give back the relationship that went on for a number of years after. The relationship did not stand the test of time but although I do regret hurting my friend I do not regret the relationship. I understand where you are coming from OP.

Annakin31 · 16/08/2013 00:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/08/2013 00:40

Grudgeypants, I don't understand. If you didn't feel the need to avoid her then, why do you feel it now!

SolidGoldBrass · 16/08/2013 01:00

What else is bothering you, OP? Unless you are a completely self-obsessed whinyarse who thinks that people are property, your response is hugely irrational, particularly as you say that both you and your former friend are happily married. So you have hinted at there being something else going on in your life now which is making you react like this.

Angelfootprints · 16/08/2013 01:15

OP you cant "bagsy" a person just because you said you fancied them first!

ravenAK · 16/08/2013 01:15

Ah OK.

I made a monumental twat of myself over a bloke at Uni.

We were very close mates, he fancied me, I wasn't interested, I was subsequently very much dumped by someone else, & threw myself at mate bloke, he quite nicely said no ta, he'd since had a better offer from a friend of mine.

I had an enormous, prolonged & cringeworthy hissy fit over this. They've now been happily married for 20+ years, 3 kids.

I imagine I'd long since have lost touch with them both, but we have so many mutual friends that we always stayed in touch. She's now a good friend & I have no idea what I ever saw in her dh!

I'd just go to the group & make like it's lovely to see them both again. Have diplomatically vague recollections of all Uni shenanigans - it's a lifetime ago!

If it's awkward, you can just fade quietly out of the group - for that matter, they might - but don't deny yourself something new & fun because of something that happened over the pints of snakebite back when dinosaurs roamed the earth!

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