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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to HATE all this new fangled, internet baby advice stuff

136 replies

LeBFG · 15/08/2013 16:12

Of the sort:

breastfeeding necklaces (like this) give baby learning opportunities and stop them from getting brain damaged Hmm Hmm

lack of ''tummy time'' is to blame for all sorts of things from cognitive development to ability to read. I mean, really? We are damaging our children for life if they don't spend 10mins a day on their bellies?

And tons of others, including my old favorite, the BLW fad where babies practice their fine motor skills, jaw muscle movement and coordinating swallowing, which is helpful because otherwise they would never get a chance to do these things with purees and finger food.

All of these ^ things are good ideas, so why don't they just stop at that. Why do they have to tack on life-altering, super-duper brain development shit to sell the idea?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 16:17

Couldn't agree more.

Especially the 'tummy time' crap. My dd got 3 A levels today and was also the first free reader in her year many years ago. She never had any 'tummy time'. Load of nonsense.

notanyanymore · 15/08/2013 16:21

Absolutely agree, if you read them all it'll drive you nuts!

quesadilla · 15/08/2013 16:22

YANBU. They seem designed, frankly by people looking to market snake oil to women with far too much time on their hands.

ToysRLuv · 15/08/2013 16:25

I tried tummy time with DS. He screamed, so I stopped. Seems like a normalish 4 year old now. Did BLW, and he is the fussiest child I know. I think they just turn out whatever way they are "destined" to - whatever you do (bar neglect, obviously).

YoniBottsBumgina · 15/08/2013 16:25

Tummy time isn't crack internet advice, it's medical guidelines to compensate for the fact parents are advised to put their babies on their backs to sleep.

The rest, YANBU but it's mainly marketing bollocks about the development. I wonder how much it is swings & roundabouts though? Some people get really neurotic about development and doing the "right thing" and don't really get the idea that EVERYTHING a baby does EVER helps their development because they are basically little learning and developing machines and they are constantly learning about the world whatever it is they are doing. So perhaps half "I want to sell you this pointless thing so I must convince you that you need it even though you don't" and half "Stop panicking, you are stimulating your baby by doing X, Y and Z which you would have done anyway."

TheTurdsOfMisery · 15/08/2013 16:26

YANBU at all. I'd go further than quesadilla's 'women with far too much time on their hands' to 'women with far too little in their heads'. There seems to be a whole generation out there - maybe two generations - that will believe any old shite as long as they read it on the in-ter-net ffs. I wonder if there's a market for this stuff because so many families have broken down and there's no longer an emphasis on wisdom being passed down the female line?

YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 16:28

My mil had no wisdom to pass down. She told me a load of old shit when I had twins.

I got by with common sense.

WilsonFrickett · 15/08/2013 16:29

So every woman who has panicked, stressed, or just worried about their baby, googled it and followed some advice for a bit has 'too little in her head'? Nice Hmm

And of course, given all these women have nothing in their heads, what wisdom???

pianodoodle · 15/08/2013 16:29

My HV went on and on about the importance of tummy time (DD didn't like it for ages) but never really told us why.

I just thought I'd never seen an adult just lying helpless on their back because they didn't have enough tummy time as a child Grin

YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 16:31

Where has anyone said that, Wilson? You seem to take this very personally. Hmm

WilsonFrickett · 15/08/2013 16:35

I'd go further than quesadilla's 'women with far too much time on their hands' to 'women with far too little in their heads'. There seems to be a whole generation out there - maybe two generations - that will believe any old shite as long as they read it on the in-ter-net said Turds

Bit puzzled as to why you think I'm taking it personally, but thanks for your concern...

Original poster
LeBFG · 15/08/2013 16:37

As far as I can tell the tummy time comes out of the States and, as you say Yoni, comes after the BacktoSleep campaign. Everyone was worried babies would never roll Hmm. In fact they found that babies did roll Hmm Hmm.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 16:38

Because you pop up on a few threads of this ilk, being all indignant and sarcastic.

Fwiw, I truly believe that most people can manage without google and use their brains.

Original poster
LeBFG · 15/08/2013 16:48

WHat I hate I suppose is that the implicit message is that women are to blame, always.

It's our fault if baby misses milestones because WE HAVE NOT STIMULATED THEM ENOUGH. That, if we're depressed, WE HAVE DAMAGED THEIR BRAIN. And if we stuff god awful purees down their throats, THEY WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO EAT PROPERLY AGAIN.

I can imagine vulnerable women would feel pretty upset by that.

ALso, as these messages fly around the comos, they seep into actions and thoughts without us knowing. We pass them on.

Fact is, babies just develop. Outside of truely neglectful homes, babies just grow and do their thing. If they turn out with motor problems or other things, BLW, tummy time and bf necklaces probably weren't going to help a whole lot.

OP posts:
TheTurdsOfMisery · 15/08/2013 16:50

Oh calm down Wilson - if you think I was referring to you then you really need to have a word with yourself.
What did women do before Google? Oh - let me think. Oh yes, we just got the hell on with it or asked someone - what we didn't do was have a mini breakdown and seek out advice from fantasists and snake oil salesmen which is what the vast majority of internet specialists probably are.
Oh - and one more thing for the hard of understanding. I did not say or mean every single woman ever ok?

YouTheCat · 15/08/2013 16:52

I'm quite glad there wasn't the internet when mine were babies.

I probably would have been blaming myself for my ds's autism because I had failed to do tummy time or hadn't tried BLW.

MumnGran · 15/08/2013 16:53

I thought Mumsnet was here to be the antidote to babytummyweaningdevelopmentled overload?

MmeLindor · 15/08/2013 16:57

I don't think it is the internet, just that it is more accessible.

It used to be that we had to get off our arses and go into town to be fed stupid marketing bollox that made us feel bad about not stimulating our children enough. Or at least pick up a magazine at the supermarket.

Now it seeps into every corner of our lives.

That necklace is actually quite a good idea, but I got the total rage at this bit of marketing crap

Studies show that depressed and stressed-out mothers inhibit babies' abilities to feel
happiness for positive events later in their lives. Since babies spend so much of their first
year?s breastfeeding, mums who are finding the experience difficult due to their babies
dwindling attention spans could be cumulatively spending a great amount of time holding
back their babies' brain formation. So if your baby's main sport involves pulling your hair,
pinching your skin, biting you, and otherwise playfully torturing you while
nursing, you need a nursing necklace!

It just makes me want to shout FUCK OFF

firesidechat · 15/08/2013 16:59

So pleased that I had my children pre internet days. The different theories on everything from feeding to sleeping are a complete minefield and having confidence in yourself as a parent is so tricky now. That could be just my age talking though.

It's so competitive too!

firesidechat · 15/08/2013 17:03

Tummy time. Really?

My children's generation must be geniuses then because we were advised to make them sleep on their tummies. Most of there early weeks were spent like that.

TheTurdsOfMisery · 15/08/2013 17:05

MmeLindor I'm so glad you posted that body of text. I have been screaming FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF since reading it some five minutes ago. I'll stop now before they come and take me away.

MmeLindor · 15/08/2013 17:07

TheTurds
It makes me so angry. They are preying on the insecurities and fears of women, especially women with MH issues to flog their fecking piece of crappy jewellery.

The idea of the necklace is ok. That 'proof' is not.

ToysRLuv · 15/08/2013 17:11

I slept on my back in the days DM was adviced to put me on my tummy. She was stressed to feck, but I would not stay on my tummy even if she turned me around a million times. As we all now know, it was all bollocks and I was fine(ish).

DS was swaddled until 9 months old (also propped up so that he couldn't roll). Most people were Shock at that, but that's how he wanted to sleep. It was a difficult weaning progress into a sleeping bag. Even now likes to be rolled up tight in a blanked occasionally, as well as still sleeping in his sleeping bag at 3.10. He never had any problems with movement from this restriction, neither has he ever fallen over while shuffling around in his sleeping bag (we don't have any stairs, though). Ah well.

YoniBottsBumgina · 15/08/2013 17:11

Tummy time won't make your child a genius or not obv, but there was so much fear about ever letting your child be on their front after BTS that they introduced it as a recommendation. It's mainly to do with wrist development from what I have read.

duchessandscruffy · 15/08/2013 17:12

What an absolutely load of bolleaux in that first breastfeeding necklace link.

Have to admit I am a blw evangelist - it was just so damn easy!

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