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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if I'm the only person on MN who's never had a career?

160 replies

WaitressRose · 15/08/2013 09:51

whenever there is a SAHM/WOHM bunfight discussion, people always talk about how taking time out to look after kids will affect their career.

I've never had a career. Left school after A levels and got a job in an office. It was in the olden days when only a small perentage of population went to university. Worked, earned decent wage, did some travellings, bought own house, met DH and got married.

In my 30s I did a teaching degree but DC came along straight after (not the best planned move but very happy with outcome Smile). So never got to become teacher and don't have desire to be anymore - think having children of my own has put me off other peoples Grin

So anyone else just worked, had a job, earned money without having a career or profession?

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 15/08/2013 11:00

But for most women of my generation (gen x) it wasn't about a "long and glamorous ride to the top" it was the desire to make yourself economically self-sufficient in order not to have to rely on a man financially. Not self-seeking glamour but practicality.

same here. After doing loads of different jobs that did not and would not ever pay enough for me to be independent, I went for the career option. And I'm bloody glad I did, if anything happened to dh I know I could still support my family, financially nothing would change.

itsonlysubterfuge · 15/08/2013 11:04

I have never even had a job, let alone a career. I am 26. If something happened to my husband or if he left me, I would be completely lost and hopeless looking after my baby girl.

saythatagain · 15/08/2013 11:06

I've never had a career; I've had jobs though.
I'm still deciding what I want to do when I grew up. I will be 46 this year.

loveliesbleeding1 · 15/08/2013 11:13

Me too, never been career minded have worked part-time for about 8 years, but been at home for about a year now, as part-time home educating dd.will go back to work as and when, never been an issue between dh and I tbh.

BuskersCat · 15/08/2013 11:14

I was doing my degree when DD came along, I've never had a properjob let alone a career

GhostsInSnow · 15/08/2013 11:29

Me.
Left school, went to college for a bit pushed into studying something I hated by my parents. Rebelled with gusto and had DS at 19. DD came along at 23 (I was married by then) and I became a SAHM for a while, then took on part time jobs around school hours.

Went back to education at 30, got A Levels then my degree. Left uni with grand plans to have a career. Started job hunting, got called for a few interviews and then DD's health took a dramatic downturn.

Since then I've been in an endless loop of hospital/physio/Doctor appointments as well as having her in school just part time because she can't cope with full time with her problems. This means I'm literally up and down school 3 or 4 times a day and time for any job/career just isn't there for me.

Fortunately OH does have a good career which supports us all but DD has to come first for now.

DayOldCheesecake · 15/08/2013 11:33

"A career is a job with unpaid overtime".

Original poster
WaitressRose · 15/08/2013 11:34

I was able to be financially independent as a young, single woman with a job - bought house, paid bills, lived abroad - doing just a job.

I once went through a period of temping so I could work in variety of professional environments and see if there was anything I fancied but law, accountancy, HR Wink, insurance, financial sector, civil service - all seemed deathly dull. Though I appreciate there are many who find these careers intellectually stimulating. I think I would have been a fab teacher but ... the path not taken and all that.

And no matter how much "career autonomy" you think you have, you still "jump" when the boss, client says - so just like you do in a job.

OP posts:
thebody · 15/08/2013 11:35

my post was a bit tongue in cheek though.😄😄

NoComet · 15/08/2013 11:37

DD1 appeared as I finished my PG degree, been a SAHM for 15 years, no jobs let alone a career since I was a student and I'm 45!!

Made sense at the time with DH earning good money and no family support and no before after school child care. (Rural, no close by after school club and massive demand for very few CMs)

ThePosterBelowMeSucks · 15/08/2013 11:42

I've never had a 'career'. I have many many jobs though from the age of about 11. Shop assistant, dry cleaning, arcades, laundry, waitressing, bar work, bingo calling, supermarket, cleaning, cold calling, sales, customer service manager, MUM.

I'm a mum now. Grin best job ever.

quesadilla · 15/08/2013 11:46

WaitressRose that may be true in a lot of professional environments. I don't think that being a professional protects you from being exploited and I think there is a tendency to glamorize something you do which is to some extent a marketing construct. Of course there are people doing boring and badly-paid work who use the word "career" to make themself feel better about it. Whatever gets you through the day etc.

But I still think that at heart wanting to have a career is about wanting to make yourself as useful and employable as possible and maximising the choices and control over your own life, as opposed to wanting to aspire to some silly high-heeled fantasy sold in the pages of Cosmopolitan.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with doing a job as opposed to a career though I'm not sure I really understand the distinction well and yes you can make more money from it. No shame whatsoever in doing a job without thinking about promotional opportunities or being the CEO, just working for the money. And obviously there's absolutely nothing wrong with staying at home bringing up kids.

But to read some of the comments on this thread you would get the impression anyone who wants a job that's well paid and enjoyable with some degree of control is basically just a snob who has just bought into delusional crap sold by women's mags. I find it a bit depressing.

Jan49 · 15/08/2013 12:05

I had the beginnings of a career for 2 years after getting a degree, but then I moved to be with my partner and had to change jobs. I changed jobs and types of jobs many times to fit in with my h (now ex)and then our ds. Since having my ds I've only wanted a pleasant job that fitted around his needs and I have no wish to have a high flying career.

These days I want the focus to be on my life outside work, not the job. I just want to do a job I enjoy, not one I hate, and one that doesn't involve extra long hours or difficult travelling or lots of stress. I'd like my employment record to look tidier, such a mishmash of jobs, but I don't think I'd have been happier if I'd remained in the first career and climbed the ladder.

If your job suits you and earns you what you need and makes you happy, I don't think it matters whether it's a career or 'just a job'.

Mumsyblouse · 15/08/2013 12:14

Many men have careers, and I bet many of the women on this site are married to men with careers, so why should women not have careers? Why denigrate what you do as 'just a job'? Career to me means that it's in an interesting field (intellectually challenging), probably professional but not definitely (e.g. I know people who have had careers as carers, got some qualifications etc), has the opportunity for progression and personal development (which can be lost if you take time out). It can also be flexible, you don't have to have one career path in your lifetime, plenty of people swap or move sideways or have more of a portfolio career (e.g. mixing academic work with commercial consultancy).

I think it's a real shame if women's working gets stereotyped into 'just a job' and men's working into 'career'. If you don't want to work in a career or want a no strings no great progression job, or that suits your family, fine, but I don't like the denigrating of professional women or women doing well in their chosen career on this thread, it's very regressive.

Mumsyblouse · 15/08/2013 12:15

To clarify- of course you don't have to have a career, no-one does. But men are not denigrated for wanting one or choosing one and women are. Not progressive.

Lizzabadger · 15/08/2013 12:18

I think it's very important for all adults to be, or to have the potential to be, economically self-sufficient. Whether you achieve this via a series of jobs (in which you don't progress) or a career (in which you progress) is up to personal preference. The financial and non-financial rewards are likely to be higher in a career but a series of jobs requires less commitment and is more flexible. Horses for courses.

oscarwilde · 15/08/2013 12:19

CAREER
Noun
An occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person's life and with opportunities for progress.
JOB
Noun
A paid position of regular employment.

I think we have all done jobs but most people (not all) would like a career as it usually has some form of additional cash and opportunity along the way.

quesadilla · 15/08/2013 12:39

mumsyblouse this exactly.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 12:47

career is just working really I have had jobs in the past but maybe i was never aspirational and motivated enough for promotion or to better myself which is what a career is supposed to be,

maja00 · 15/08/2013 12:48

Mumsyblouse - most men don't have careers either! Most people just have jobs.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 12:49

My husband doesnt have a career he goes to work not all men have careers either not everybody lives for work

nenevomito · 15/08/2013 12:56

I have a career, have always been financially independent (even on mat leave x 2 as I saved beforehand) and wouldn't have it any other way.

I started on the bottom rung of my profession and am now close to the top.

Horses for courses though. What works for me may not appeal to all, in the same way that relying on another's income is stuff of nightmares for me.

piprabbit · 15/08/2013 13:03

While I was working, I thought I had a career.
It wasn't. It was a well-paid, challenging job. It wasn't ever going anywhere in terms of career progression.

nenevomito · 15/08/2013 13:03

True mrsjay. DH has a job rather than a career and has never wanted to climb any pole, greasy or otherwise Grin.

usualsuspect · 15/08/2013 13:06

I have a job that pays the bills.So does my DP

They are just jobs though.

Suits us.