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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell him that if he doesn't like the way i do it than he should see if he

48 replies

oldham70 · 14/08/2013 23:16

Can do better.
I am a sahm with 3dc including a baby. I do virtually all the housework laundry childcare shopping etc.
Obviously the grocery bills have risen alot as we now have an extra baby to feed buy nappies and do laundry for etc etc. Also it doesn't help when you are shopping with dc.
Well dh has had yet another moan because i have spent more money at the supermarket.
Aibu to tell him to do the shop for the next two weeks and see how much things really cost. He does occasionally shop but buys cleaning materials nappies etc so i can't help thinking he hasn't got a clue.

OP posts:

Original poster

oldham70 · 14/08/2013 23:17

That was never buys.

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/08/2013 23:27

It shouldn't cost an awful lot more for one baby though...as long as you have all the equipment already. Do you formula feed? That's not too much more than an extra tenner a week at most? Nappies the same?

What are you spending on your shop? Can't judge without knowing.

Minx179 · 14/08/2013 23:28

YWNBU. I don't think it would hurt your dh to do the shopping.

Our shopping bills have gone up over the last year or so, even though I'm not buying different stuff.

My DH went shopping recently, having not done it for a while, he came home gloating that his bill was less than mine until he realised he'd forgotten some of the necessities!

itried · 14/08/2013 23:30

You may find he brings lobster but forgets the loo rolls...

WorraLiberty · 14/08/2013 23:32

I always advise this when one person has fallen so far out of the loop, they don't understand how much prices have risen.

My DH doesn't moan, but he was genuinely shocked when he did the shopping last week for the first time in ages.

Perhaps now he'll finally stop cooking too much veg and making too much gravy when cooking the Sunday roast!

Original poster

oldham70 · 15/08/2013 00:23

Third time lucky. Keep losing replies. I Probably spend abot £100 a week on average. Baby Probably costs no more than a tenner. We do buy some things like fizzy drinks but dh drinks them too. I generally buy things when on offer so vary meal plans accordingly.
When he shops he buys things he likes and anything specific i ask for but no way is it a weekly shop.

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Original poster

oldham70 · 15/08/2013 00:24

I also always get your shopping was cheaper by x but he gets the here is a voucher to spend next time.

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WorraLiberty · 15/08/2013 00:25

Why not sit down together and do an online shop?

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 00:32

shopping has gone up for everybody though ours has by at least £20 in the last year , maybe get him to do it online and see where it all goes too we either do the shopping together or he goes it just depends really

itsBeer0cl0ck · 15/08/2013 00:39

so you spend £100 for 5 people? two adults and three children. I spend about 75 euro on one adult and two children so I'd say you're doing ok. And I try to watch the prices, I buy a lot of own brand stuff. I don't like waste. I am conscious of what's expensive and what is (relatively) a bargain. But we do need to EAT !

ImNotBloody14 · 15/08/2013 01:01

in your shoes i would do one of 2 things

tell him he's responsible for shopping from now on- no discussion, then accept that he wont buy the right stuff or the nice stuff you like just to make his point.

smile and nod when he whinges then just carry on spending what it costs to feed the family, then smile and nod again next week and agree to try and keep costs down without any intention of actually doing it.

MammaTJ · 15/08/2013 01:08

I have been doing more of the shopping lately and I have been shocked at how much more things cost than I thought they did. It will do him good to get the same reality check!!

ChubbyKitty · 15/08/2013 01:48

Yanbu!! There's only two of us and DP insists I can pull a weeks worth of food, snacks, pop, and cleaning stuff for less than £30.

No dear. No. Not when you won't drink Morrisons Savers cola.

AnotherStitchInTime · 15/08/2013 01:56

I would register for online shopping or MySupermarket and put in every item I buy weekly then show him the breakdown. I spend about that for a family of 4.

rainrainandmorerain · 15/08/2013 06:22

I think getting him to do it is a good idea - but as a genuine exercise. I think where there is a strict division of labour (esp housework/shopping being down to the mum), the other partner just loses touch with what is involved.

i'd get him to agree he should do it - for several weeks cos he can easily bring a bill down by just forgetting stuff! so he can make up for it with the next shop.

i'd make sure you agree a list of necessaries though - how many nappies, eggs, loo roll etc. If he wants to do the snoop around for bargains, let him. It might work. My hunch is that he won't want to spend time doing that, but it's worth a try. And agree in advance anything branded you feel you must have - if you are cleaning the kitchen, you get to say with what. (if he wants to clean it himself, he can buy the products he wants).

he either thinks you are buying too much or are spending too much on what you buy, iyswim. I think him doing the shop for a while is a small price to pay, against him becoming more and more resentful of you spending in what he thinks is a careless way.

Tee2072 · 15/08/2013 06:51

Absolutely have him do the shopping. He who bitches, gets the chore.

waltzingmathilda · 15/08/2013 07:26

Unless you live very rural with no choice, then £100 a week is nice but if you really have to strim the budget back for a while may I suggest Aldi or Lidl. I can do 5 adults for less than £40 a week shopping in there - with the exception of daily milk and bread, which I buy in the corner shop.

And my utterly useless tip of the week - forget branded loo rolls - Asda's smart price 12 pack is £1.67 and it's far nicer. I just felt the need to share that one!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 15/08/2013 07:40

Have him do it - but make sure he does a proper shop, can you do a mealplan together so he has a detailed list? Then the next week he can do the mealplan.

£100 for 5 is not crazy money btw. You might be able to manage cheaper, but £2 per person per day is not excessive!

raisah · 15/08/2013 07:52

Tell him to go to Aldi, Morrisons or Asda as they are cheaper than the other supermarkets. Sign upto costco (the public can.join now) & buy loo rolls, nappies, toildtries & wipes in big multipacks. You will find you only need to buy once or twice a year and it is so much cheaper than the supermarket. I bought a huge 1200 pack of teqvags for £10 which lasted well over Year.

raisah · 15/08/2013 07:54

Teabags not teqvags!

Sparrowlegs248 · 15/08/2013 08:13

waltzingmatilda what?!?! Less than £40 a week for 5 adults?? Please please give me an example of what you eat. I shop at aldi and spend 40 - 60 for two adults and a cat.......i would REALLY like to spend less. Thank you.

OP my DH spends waaay more than me when shopping - told me he was gking for a few bits monday - bought crisps, squash, an expensive cheesecake, milk.

Did not buy fruit, veg, butter, eggs, yogurts, potatos. All of which are needed!

Original poster

oldham70 · 15/08/2013 08:30

i must admit I rarely shop in Aldi as we like to pay on a credit card although I do buy the odd thing there. I tend to alternate between asda Tesco and Sainsbury. Yet on the rare occasion he shops its always sainsburys.

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Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/08/2013 08:34

Yep OP definitely get him to do the shopping for a month and see how he gets on.

No point him just doing it for a week because then he can get away without buying storecupboard stuff and maybe cleaning/laundry stuff and so it will look artificially cheap.

Chubby - presumably your DP can take himself to the supermarket? Why does it fall to you?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 15/08/2013 08:35

Nottalotta there's loads of threads on here with people listing cheap shops like that and what they cook....they tend to involve a lot of lentils, soups, veggie curries and making a chicken go for two to three meals.

I don't need to cut down that low but we don't have much budget...I save by not buying special cleaning products for every room...one cream cleanser, one bleach and one glass spray (only need that rarely) own brand washing up liquid etc.. I also buy own brand things but not meat or eggs....

Original poster

oldham70 · 15/08/2013 08:35

O and I think it is because he thinks I buy to much. he is the sort that never eats breakfast and often forgets to offer dc lunch if he is looking after them. he often only eats one meal a day and snacks like crisps.
He normally sorts himself out in the week and we take it in turns to cook evening meal at weekend. Although his idea of cooking is popping a pizza or something in the oven.
So I guess getting him to shop could backfire but I think maybe a few joint online shops may help.

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