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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sleep-deprive my toddler?

60 replies

pookamoo · 14/08/2013 20:53

Since Christmas, DD2 has been staying up until 10pm or later. No amount of any of the usual bedtime things has made a difference. She won't settle for DH and I am a zombie.

She is 2 next month and I am experimenting this week with keeping her awake all day (i.e. forcing her to drop her afternoon nap). Every day = out like a light at 7.

She is having a horrible time of it though and I do feel bad. She's mopey and crying and clingy all afternoon, she even asked to go to sleep today! Sad I've been letting her have quiet time with TV so she can just zone out before teatime.

Am I actually being unfair to her? The benefit is to me, because DH and I get our evenings back, even though it's hard going in the afternoons. Is it just a transitional phase? DD1 was nothing like this.

OP posts:
pommedechocolat · 14/08/2013 22:16

auntmargaret what the op has written pretty much dispels your generalisation Smile

Naebother · 14/08/2013 22:18

Nap of no more than 45 mins. Before 2pm.

Put her to bed earlier. I know it sounds counterproductive but it worked for us.

FrussoHathorAKADaisythecow · 14/08/2013 22:19

Im confused by people saying "they want to sleep for 2 hours"

So you let them? No wonder they go to bed late!

I thought it answer was pretty simple, dont let them nap for 2 hours?

duck it really isn't that simple. Oh I wish it was. My DC dropped all daytime naps at 6mths got progressively worse. at 4yrs averaged 5 hours broken sleep a night.
My DC would sometimes (about once a week) crash and burn at random times of the day, and nothing could be done to wake the child. Believe me we tried everything, As even 5 minutes meant hours lost as night.

If I could go back to when DC napped, I would find a way to keep those naps in place, even if i could give dc quiet time each day, and make it earlier each day so it was more 11/12 ish than after 2.
to inadvertently teach a child how to keep themself awake is IMO not a good thing. but I've been sleep deprived for 5 years so I may be talking bull,

running I agree They just learn to get by on not-enough sleep. "get by" is the right terminology, they don't thrive, they become irratic, and don't learn as well as they could.

pooka have you tried the bath before tea?
And limiting/removing screen time (and anything interactive/electronic) from the bedtime routine.

Original poster
pookamoo · 14/08/2013 22:23

naebother bathtime is about 6pm, I can't get it any earlier, really. I did try but 5 hours in the dark was NOT fun for anyone.

Frusso I was so upset when DD1 just dropped her 2 hour afternoon sleep when DD2 was a week old!

We don't have a TV, so there's no screen time at bedtime. I have been letting her watch Maisy Mouse on youtube while I make the tea though, just so she can zone out and leave me alone for 5 minutes. DD1 likes that!

OP posts:
OhDearNigel · 14/08/2013 22:23

We went through this with DD at about the same age. I got through it by not letting her sleep after 3pm and it wasnt that long before she dropped her nap altogether.

Been yonks since she had an afternoon nap [wistful memories]...

Original poster
pookamoo · 14/08/2013 22:24

nigel it does sound like she might get over being "encouraged" to drop the nap then...

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 14/08/2013 22:33

Catsize - I totally agree with your mum on the sleep begets sleep thing.

Every time I tried to manipulate my babies' sleeping patterns it backfired horribly.

But, left to sleep the better they got at it.

Catsize · 14/08/2013 22:34

pookamoo, that is really tough. But also annoying what the Dr said! That sort of statement will only add to your worry. We have not had five years of no evenings, but having said that, when we do get an evening, we tend to watch telly or go on Mumsnet rather than have stimulating conversation as we are both too knackered. We both accept that our lives have changed and do not think our relationship has been affected, but have not had five years of it either. Do you think yours really has? It seems the GP may have planted a seed but not necessarily a truthful one.
The getting home late thing stinks too. That is often me - away before son wakes up and home after he has gone to bed sometimes. Those days make me Sad.
Perhaps I should offer you a Wine rather than a Brew and then I will go and have words with your GP

Naebother · 14/08/2013 22:34

I did bath at 545. Bed by 6. Gave an hour of settling time if needed but it wasn't needed once nap dropped.

Worth a go.

Original poster
pookamoo · 14/08/2013 22:35

I always thought "sleep begets sleep" too, which is why I have always let the girls sleep as long as they want. My mum said "never wake a sleeping baby", and up til now I have agreed with her.

We don't do CC or CIO, hence why I have been sat in a dark room for the better part of 2013.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKScake · 14/08/2013 22:35

Actually thats a good point. I try and get my sons 10 min nap in, in the morning. I will let him have it as late as 1pm - just. But anything after that and theres no way I let him nap at all. If he had his 10 minute nap at 2pm he'd be up until 9.30pm, I learnt that the hard way several times.

OHforDUCKScake · 14/08/2013 22:37

And when he didnt nap, if he wanted to have an early dinner and up to bed at 5.30 then thats what we did. I would bath him in the morning instead or miss it altogether. But no way does he last until 7pm on a day he has no nap.

Original poster
pookamoo · 14/08/2013 22:45

We had loads of cuddles. I just had to do "round and round the garden" to keep her from snuggling down ad going to sleep.

OP posts:
omaoma · 14/08/2013 22:50

i'm afraid i use a DVD if i don't' want DC to sleep but they need some kind of down time. usually after lunch say 2pm ish. then they get a second wind

TokenGirl1 · 14/08/2013 22:51

Your little one sounds just like my son at that age. He didn't sleep through until 18 months and even now still wakes a from time to time.

He dropped his own nap at just before 2 years. The plus side is that at 3 years he often goes to bed at 6pm which is lovely! We sometimes have tiredness in late afternoon and he still naps during the day every now and then when he wants to.

I don't get the whole "only let them sleep for 10 mins" or half an hour, my two would be grumpy as anything if they only napped for such a short space of time. They always slept for about 1.5 to 2 hours after lunch. I guess all children are different.

Have you tried getting her to bed for six to see how she gets on with that? My dc will sleep from 6pm -7am but Iknow lots of kids that wake earlier than that.

uselessinformation · 14/08/2013 23:12

I'm wondering why you can't see your husband in the evening and have to stay in a dark room from seven to ten. Why don't you let her stay up with you both until 10pm and put her to bed then. Your husband will see more of her after work then. Don't worry about thinking that she should be going to bed at seven.sleep patterns change and it won't be forever. Try to enjoy the evenings as family time instead maybe watching Disney movies together cuddled up on the sofa. Try to enjoy things as they are instead of what you think they should be.

MeAndMyGirl · 14/08/2013 23:19

My dd is 8 and i still remember how terrible she was as a baby. If she slept at all during the day she was up all night and it was a nightmare. I stuck to the not sleeping during the day. Even now she is a reluctant sleeper but so so much better than before!!

greenfolder · 14/08/2013 23:21

do you drive, do you have a car? i used to bung dd in the car, drive round for the amount of time required and come home!

stopgap · 14/08/2013 23:23

My two-year-old son still has his two-hour nap every day, and sleeps eleven hours at night. He needs plenty of sleep. Some of his friends get by on a power nap and 9-10 hours at night, and they're fine, so some drops their long naps sooner, some later. Do what you think is best.

Maggietess · 15/08/2013 00:19

Ooh I feel your pain but we made this mistake with dd1...rather than overslept with the nap it's more likely she's underslept and overtired.

From experience we learned that if you actually increase their daytime sleep they sleep better at night. Sounds mad as a box of frogs... But it works. Try the reverse and see what happens!

LoveBeingItsABoy · 15/08/2013 05:42

Not all children are the same, just because yours can go to bed at 7pm and wake at 7am after having a nap as long as they like does not mean everyone's do.

Dd slept fab went down at 7pm no problem woke in the morning had naps when ever needed. Ds on the other hand rarely sleeps tgrough, is almost 2 and too long a nap can make the difference between waking and making an objection to being in bed but then dropping of and being up for the day at midnight.

Op - is he wearing himself out enough after a nap? Sometimes it helps to knacker ds out about

Catsize · 15/08/2013 08:02

Just wondered this morning OP if your child is in a cot? We have never used one, and son went into his own bed at 13mths with success. This means we have always been able to snuggle together (when co-sleeping and then when having milk and stories in bed), which makes the evenings in the darkened room more successful and more pleasant than sitting next to a cot. Also, we share the duties. My partner stays at home with him, so primary attachment is to her (biology means nowt - I gave birth). I think he settles better with her, but can with me too. Has your other half given up too easily as he is tired from work? secretly I get that too, but don't tell my partner
Perhaps try to treat it like having an evening job, and one you will possibly look back on with fondness when the cute little toddler is a stroppy teenager who wants nothing to do with you! Smile Many have to work in the evenings to make ends meet anyway. And if your GP told them to give that up, I would be very surprised. Have a morning Brew

formicadinosaur · 15/08/2013 08:19

I think it's fine and will just take her a short time to acclimatise. A bit of grumpyness at 3pm is fine if it means she gets into a better routine and you are all happier generally. If she really must sleep 10 mins at lunch time maybe ok or may disrupt the new bed time routine. Alternatively putting her to bed at 6pm might help

formicadinosaur · 15/08/2013 08:27

I also co- slept and my kids generally go to sleep at 7. Also I know lovely teenagers who have great relationships with their parents.

In the long term the structure of having a bed time will be in everyone's favour. Evidence has shown that school children who go to bed at 10 or 11 struggle in school due to tiredness.

BooCanary · 15/08/2013 08:34

Consider alternate day naps OP.
When both my DCs dropped their naps, to start with they would have a daytime nap once every two or three days to recharge their batteries. Up to a year after dropping naps, DS would have one or two 'catch ups' a week. Other option is to go for a drive every other day so DC can get a 20 min nap in car.

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