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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lazy teenagers

54 replies

alemci · 14/08/2013 11:05

I have given up. Have come back off holiday last week and left 2 elder dds who had work committments (18,19. slightly better this year and house looked superficially clean but bathroom grimey etc.

now it has fallen into the pattern of again me doing all the work and them sleeping, one rang on the door this morning and woke me up after going for a run. not helping, not putting their stuff away etc.

I have come to the conclusion that I will not be going in their rooms to collect washing and if they want it doing, they must sort it out and bring it to me.

my yd wouldn't even take her clean clothes up yesterday and they don't do anything like unstacking dishwasher. they did clear up after a meal after i cooked it.

there is extra stuff in the house as my ED is back from uni and they have had a fundraiser event which is brilliant but means we have ended up with extra stuff in the house which again they won't deal with.

I will grin and bear it as dd will be back at uni in sept and other dd will be going away in Sept for a few months but will she ever finish tidying up and sorting out her room?

I like a clean tidy house but what can i do? i have done with shouting and ranting IYSWIM

OP posts:

GreenShadow · 14/08/2013 14:30

I've never understood the point in separate family members doing their own washing (unless it is to learn how to do it in the first place).

It takes over a week for one person to get enough dirty clothes to make a full load. Isn't easier for everyone if one person (not necessarily mum of course), to do all whites one day and 'lights' the next day followed by 'darks' for all the family? As long as dirty clothes are put in the basket, they are all treated the same. (Ironing is another matter)

Original poster

alemci · 14/08/2013 15:01

Tabitha i dont give them money so much now. dh gives ed uni money and yd has part time job but pay for some things for her. plus ed works. obviously buy food

OP posts:

ShabbyButNotChic · 14/08/2013 15:26

Dont know if you have already tried this, but what worked with me was my mum giving me specific jobs. As my standards an hers were rather different, and she would moan about dust etc which i just didnt see! It would have genuinely never occured to me to look for jobs to be done

She sat me and db down when we were younger teens, about 14?, and gave us designated jobs. Eg, mine were walk the dog tues and thurs, fill dishwasher after tea and empty in morning, and vac lounge on a sunday. Everyone was also expected to keep their room decent and strip their bed sunday morning. It made things a lot easier as you knew what you had to do. It wasnt optional.

To be fair at 18 they should be capable of noticing what needs doing, but, would they just assume 'oh mum will sort it'?

dreamingofsun · 14/08/2013 15:36

charmingcats - sorry but i can guess you haven't got teenagers just from reading your thread. so what happens when they don't carry out the rota and don't care cause they don't like family treats anyway (families being totally uncool)?

TabithaStephens · 14/08/2013 15:37

Kick them out of the house!

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 15:44

When mine was 9 she told me she would not submit to bribes.

Teenagers are a whole other breed.

Impomea · 14/08/2013 16:01

Was waiting for a thread like this so glad it's not just me!
DS 2 on hol from uni has done nothing for 2 months but sleep eat and go to the cinema with his mates .Didn't try very hard to get a job despite my suggesting (nagging constantly)

Eats 2 of everything (2 breakfasts 2 yoghurts etc) I cook in the evening but he doesn't like to eat the carbs which would fill him up -just expensive meat.

I am happy to wash his clothes as I wash ours at night when the electric is cheaper but due to his fitness and weight training they smell so I now can't wash them with mine .That reminds me I came on here to look for tips on how to get rid of sweaty smells in clothes.

BTW -love him really

Silverfoxballs · 14/08/2013 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 16:04

A flat? You were lucky.

I lived in shoebox in middle of road.

melika · 14/08/2013 16:11

Update.

DS1 came in at 2pm ate the fridge and went to bed.

DS2 still not out of bed despite me asking several times. (16.07)

cozietoesie · 14/08/2013 16:14

........ate the fridge........

comingintomyown · 14/08/2013 17:15

Brilliant thread

DS 16 and DD 14 are away with their Dad and its heaven

Due to bad arguments between them DS went to his Dads as soon as his GCSEs finished and DD joined them 2 weeks ago tomorrow they are home Sunday.

I am rehearsing what I plan on saying to them about being more proactive around the house. What annoys me is they both like the freedoms that come with being older but are less interested in the responsibilities.

I did the family meeting thing around 18 months ago and it worked ok in spite of DDs scorn . I think I am going to do it again and give them notice so they can bring stuff up and think about what they can realistically take ownership of

They have been through a lot over the last 3 years with divorce,moving house and me going back to work FT 2 years ago . Overall for their allowances they had been doing an ok amount until May when I took over due to exams and somehow ended up doing everything since. I got resentful quite quickly because actually exams or not there was still plenty of me time.

Anyway I am very chilled have had a lovely break (been off work too) and just had a massage . Probably because of this I am thinking glowingly of my DC and optimistic for harmony when they get home.

I do think right now I am more preoccupied with what my DD gets up to when shes out and about and worries about whether she will knuckle down next term at school.

Looking back there was this space where they were old enough to be independent so you were released from the drudgery of making drinks/dressing them / preparing everything they ate but with no teen attitude or drama . This last year has been the toughest bar none and I include giving birth !!

Anyway enough about my teens they are still away and a bottle of wine awaits me

comingintomyown · 14/08/2013 17:18

plenty of me time for them !

comingintomyown · 14/08/2013 18:19

alemci have your DC ever helped around the house , is this just a temporary summer holiday laziness ? I presume if you've had enough of screaming and shouting its fair to say you have tried to get them helping ?

I just find the thought I might have to be doing this another 5 years unacceptable !

Panzee · 14/08/2013 18:21

Will changing the Wifi password help? I saw a sign once that stated it would be revealed once x, y and z were done.

comingintomyown · 14/08/2013 18:30

If only Panzee

Maryz · 14/08/2013 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 18:34

Hands Maryz

MrsLouisTheroux · 14/08/2013 18:37

A bit of a tantrum strop from me did the trick on a couple of occasions.
Not a 'I've asked you to do it 10 times blah blah' nag but a proper full on guilt tripping childish rant about how life is unfair and how all this stuff is ruined and how I can't stand it etc. I possibly cried too. Only had to do that twice and now my sad, bemused, disappointed look works wonders.
If you can't beat them join them.

thegreylady · 14/08/2013 18:37

"No room?" "Ah surplus to requirements-shall I take it out to the bin or will you?"
I guarantee you will only do it once :)

cozietoesie · 14/08/2013 18:38

I am thinking that the collective noun for teenagers should be a 'slump'. Whenever I conjure them up in my minds eye they're slumped somewhere - over the table eating, over an armchair texting, over a car bonnet trying to look 10 years older, over............... over............

FIFIBEBE · 14/08/2013 18:38

Came home from holiday yesterday and lawn needs mowing, apples fallen from tree, bits just look untidy. I have worked at home today and my 17 year old son has given me a running commentary of what our next door neighbour has done in his garden all afternoon (lopped at a tree), I cannot believe he has literally looked out of his bedroom window all afternoon and the thought did not occur to him that perhaps he could get out there and do his bit. I am waiting for the pronouncement that it's all a displacement activity re anxious thoughts about tomorrows AS results. Yeah right. Hmm wifi password you say.......

YouTheCat · 14/08/2013 18:39

Mine has made her tea and gone out. I believe there may be drink involved. A level results tomorrow! Eek!

Maryz · 14/08/2013 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlehPukeVomit · 14/08/2013 18:47

Panzee
I love your suggestion of changing the wifi name. That would work really well in my house.
I think I will change it to.

'No WiFi until the lawn is cut. Love Mum'

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