about DH and playing football?

[DragonMamma]

I genuinely don't know with this one.

Backstory is: I was a SAHM until recently, although I worked one night in the week and alternate weekends in the evenings. Now our roles are reversed because DH was made redundant 4 weeks ago, so he is a SAHD (without the PT hours) and I am working FT.

When he joined this team last season I said that I didn't think it was fair on me and us as a family to play every weekend (they also train in the week) as it takes up a whole Saturday afternoon and means we can't really do anything that day because he usually leaves around midday to get to wherever they were playing. Also, I didn't really want to have to solely look after the DC's (now 5 and 2) all Saturday afternoon with no car because I look after them solely Mon-Fri and would like a bit of back up and time to do things as a family. It also used to mean he would be walking through the door as I was leaving to work until Midnight that evening. So very reluctantly he agreed to play EOW although he always huffed and puffed if I told him he 'couldn't play' on the weekends in between, even though this was the initial agreement.

So the pre-season friendlies have started tonight (not a problem) and he has a match on Saturday, which is fine. I reminded him that we had agreed to EOW and that I still think this is fair because of the reasons stated above. Also, if I were to go down the equal time off road and have say Sunday afternoon off then we would have absolutely no time to do things as a family. I am quite happy to forgo my 'me time', which I didn't really regularly anyway, and spend it together as a family instead of losing a whole day at the weekend.

AIBU to think training midweek and playing every other Saturday is a fair compromise? He's whining and moaning that there's no point in playing at all. I get that he likes to play but he does also have a young family...surely this is reasonable?!

I'm another one who thinks YABU here, especially as the family dynamics have changed with your role reversals. I'd definitely make sure you get the car, so if that means dropping him off or him getting a lift so be it. Make sure you get some me time, or you could end up getting resentful.

I've spent the last 5 years watching my DS play football on a Sunday morning. .. out of interest, would you object to your children committing to a regular weekend sport to?

It's not up to him how you spend your 'free time'. You can do what you like, it's got nothing to so with him!

I was a sahm I never had a regular afternoon to myself and would have to literally be at breaking point before I'd get a few hrs off.

Allowed time off, or took time off? You know how it feels. It sounds as though you just want him to realise what a hard time you had.

^"I know he's a SAHD now but it's not even been a month and I only went FT Monday so right now he hasn't had the chance to be ground down but for the 2.5yrs I was a sahm I never had a regular afternoon to myself and would have to literally be at breaking point before I'd get a few hrs off.

Maybe if he were more flexible and less petulant when he can't play I wouldn't mind so much but he pouts like a toddler if he doesn't get his own way."^

Tell him this.

(less serious...) You are also due 100 afternoons give or take

As I said earlier, YANBU.

My Dh used to play football every sunday morning. We had our own cars, so that wasn't so bad, but it used to annoy me greatly when he'd set off at 9am and return after 2pm leaving me alone with the dcs.

It got worse when dd1 began music lessons that took up most of Saturday and even worse after we had 3rd dc and life just became busier. It was then that dh realised it wasn't fair on the family and stopped weekend football. He still does weekday training and games though and that works well for us.

out of interest, would you object to your children committing to a regular weekend sport to?

I think this is an excellent point. Children's hobbies do take up lots of time, but parents don't seem to begrudge their children's activities eating into the family time and most parents actively encourage their children to engage in hobbies. Why shouldn't adults be afforded the same hobby time.

I know where you're coming from - any member of the family being part of a team is a whole family commitment that has to be considered when planning just about anything! Nearly every week I try to plan something for us all to do and I'm met with "DS1 has football, DS2 has training, DP has x,y,z" - so frustrating! Our whole lives revolve around sport and most weeks one or other DC comes home with "I'm free on a Monday so can I start tai kwon do?" Or "I don't do anything in a Thursday, can I do basketball?" and it's always me saying "well, how are you going to get there as I've got to get your Dad to this and your brother to that".
Very frustrating, BUT - DP has given up his football (he was good, too) as we just couldn't fit anything else in (also, reaching 40 was a big shock to him) and he's piled on the pounds and is now miserable because he's no longer able to keep up with the kids!
I think what I'm trying to say is - let him play, ask him to make his own arrangements for getting there (car share or lifts from team mates) and make the most of your Sundays and every weekend between May and August

Is there a weekday league? My DH plays for his sports team weekday evenings - the finals are at the weekend if they do well but all practices and most matches are on a week night and that's a great compromise for us.

Ok I retract too, he's being an arse if you don't get time off until you're at breaking point and he sulks when he can't play. He needs to get a grip.

Tell him you've joined a knitting circle sat morning and go sit in a cafe with a book or magazine for a couple of hours to get your chilled time.