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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think: It's summer, why not give the tiger mother routine a break?

71 replies

Cutitup · 13/08/2013 21:08

Dropped round a neighbour's house today who's DD is in my DD's school. She had already done a morning's epic run of taking her 3 kids back and forth to clubs (latin, judo and computer science) and had just returned from the library so her children could learn yet more things. All with classical music blaring away.

I can't keep up! Nor do I want to. It's just weird. (to me).

Why can't we all just enjoy summer without trying to get the kids into the top set in September?

I feel a pressure which I am quite happily ignoring! But it niggles......

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 13/08/2013 22:03

We regularly play classical music (amongst other things) and also go to the library frequently. The kids also have clubs which don't stop during the summer and sometimes there are extra activities on of a morning which provide entertainment.

Why do you think any of this sounds like a tiger-mum routine? Just sounds fairly average, normal summer activities to me.

Practicing violin 2 hours a day, reciting times tables and learning spellings - then I might agree with you!

Quite frankly, I judge you more for being lazy

So YABU

DamnBamboo · 13/08/2013 22:05

Poppy if your kids are still exhausted after 3 weeks off and without doing anything, perhaps you'd better take them to see a Dr. That is not normal

JassyAlconleigh · 13/08/2013 22:09

On a less flippant note, I did tons of that stuff when mine were small. Top set was the last thing on my mind

I genuinely wanted them to appreciate and enjoy a great range of experiences; for their own pleasure in life as well as to build an appreciation of art, music, sport and culture; both their own and others.

It never once felt like a chore. Really, the most exhausting times were the times I listened to other mothers who said 'lets all do nothing tomorro and we'd faff about for hours crossly deciding whose gaff to do nothing at, and when, and what they'd eat etc till I lost the will to live.

I think we do children a great disservice by assuming they want to loll about doing shag all for the summer.

morethanpotatoprints · 13/08/2013 22:09

My dd is still doing 2 music lessons a week, going to the library, listening to classical music, doing between 2 and 4 hours music practice a day
Because she wants to. Her dancing classes start again next week and she is looking forward to seeing her friends again and working towards her next exam.
Some kids are like this, my older dc just wanted to play during the holidays and wouldn't dream of picking up a book, whereas dd reads and does her diary and journal every day. As long as they are happy and it is coming from them, wheres the problem?

Fabsmum · 13/08/2013 22:14

My dc's do music and judo through the summer. My middle boy is made to practice his piano every day, even if he's feeling shit, is on holiday, or has a birthday. It's only 20 minutes ffs. Won't kill him. In fact enforcing a regular practice schedule has been great for him and makes me feel much less guilty about him spending the rest of the day watching WWE videos on YouTube

RedPencils · 13/08/2013 22:20

Mine are still going to the activities I've paid for. Why wouldn't they? In fact I've even booked more stuff for them to do.
And we went to the library, DS finished the Hunger games and is desperate to move on to the next one before the film comes out. Should I not let him read during summer. Just play Xbox and watch TV?

Aethelfleda · 13/08/2013 22:26

The library is fun, not pushy! My two have loved the summer reading doodah and have the smelly stickers and glow-in-the-dark bracelets to prove it....they also have internet access there, songtime for my one year old, the staff are relentlessly friendly and y'know, I even get out the odd book FOR MYSELF.......

But hey, if you think That's pushy.....

inneedofsomehelpplz · 13/08/2013 22:27

Maybe get off of your lazy arse & do stuff with your kids?!

LingDiLong · 13/08/2013 22:36

Wow OP. They don't call them 'tiger' mums for nothing do they. This lot certainly have claws. I've seen people post far more unpleasant and judgemental stuff than this and not been torn to shreds so mercilessly.

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2013 22:38

Different strokes different folks...personally I think this is better than those kids released for the summer to wander around doing nothing in particular (but get in trouble) unsupervised.

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 13/08/2013 22:53

As long as the DC are happy...then I couldn't care. If they just want a chance to relax and enjoy the holiday, it's a problem, but if it's fun and exciting for them, the it's great.

DamnBamboo · 13/08/2013 22:55

Oh please Ling - taking your kids to the library, listening to classical music and generally finding activities to do, does not a tiger-mum make.

I don't think any responses here are vicious at all! Where is OP being torn to shreds?

Irishchic · 13/08/2013 23:27

Well i think a lot of the responses so far are a bit over zealous, and very defensive. Perhaps you touched a few nerves OP?

SaucyJack · 13/08/2013 23:37

"Touched a few nerves" Confused

I think everyone on here is just utterly bewildered that someone has bothered to take the time to post criticizing a friend for doing holiday activities.

Taking your kids to the library is nothing that anybody in their right mind would be defensive over.

Wuldric · 13/08/2013 23:38

I've continued the DCs music lessons - because a significant break over the summer does not do the kids any good in terms of their learning. They go to tennis club in the summer as well.

Shoot me now, OP.

This has nothing to do with whether or not they are in the top set. What a tennis club has to do with them being in the top set, I do not know. Is this some kind of holy grail now? They've always been in the top sets for everything, but as far as I know, this has nothing to do with their tennis club. Any more than it has anything to do with your friend's judo club. Perhaps your friend is just trying to make sure they do something constructive other than shooting aliens all summer long ....

LingDiLong · 14/08/2013 07:25

The OP is apparently 'lazy', 'jealous' and 'feeling guilty'. The implication being that if you're not taking your child to clubs and libraries and playing them classical music then you're clearly sticking them in front of their playstations with The Best of Rihanna playing in the background.

I agree with the sentiment that the kids the OP refers to might be perfectly happy - I said as much myself in my original reply. I just think the responses have been a bit rough given the fact the OP seemed pretty light hearted.

I am also amused by the idea that if you don't take your child to music lessons/sports clubs then you must be doing nothing with them - there's a bloody great big world out there to explore in the summer holidays!! My kids haven't wanted to go to clubs, they've enjoyed a break from them (although - note to the sanctimummies on here - we have been doing the library challenge, ok?) so instead we've been to country parks, beaches, farms, museums, gone camping and visited friends and family. We've far, far, far from been lazy.

Awaits the responses telling me people have also been to all those places, as well as the clubs and their 4 year olds have managed to learn 2 foreign languages and been helping out at a homeless shelter so what the hell have I been doing with myself.

Gracie990 · 14/08/2013 07:36

We still do school work in the hols!!
Half an hour a day is nothing and keeps them in on track, they like it.

We also do lots of walking, bike riding, swimming, reading, science experiments, nothing, park. No clubs though.

They would be very bored otherwise.

People do things differently, nothing's wrong it's just what suits.

LingDiLong · 14/08/2013 07:46

If you're expecting flaming, you're on the wrong thread! I hope your child are also spending 2 or 3 hours practicing a classical instrument too Gracie. If not, hang your head in shame.

Gracie990 · 14/08/2013 07:50

No the noise would irritate me :-)

Really I never understand people's upset at good parenting. Successful children usually have involved parents. I'm not a big club person but I don't let them loll around all day.

I remember being bored a lot in the hols, that's not a good thing. There is loads to do.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2013 07:55

This thread is hilarious. I knew the Op would have been accused of being jealous. Brilliant. Grin

We haven't been to the library. Football has finished for the summer, we are having a rest from school as it's the holidays.

LingDiLong · 14/08/2013 07:57

I don't think the OP was upset was she? She said it seemed a 'wierd' way to spend the holidays that's all. She didn't say the Mother was a bad parent or wring her hands about the poor children.

I think being bored IS a good thing - that's when kids have to use their own initiative and imagination. Plus you can be 'involved' in a multitude of different ways. We don't do maths worksheets here but we do find plenty of opportunities to practice maths in every day life and in card/dice games

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2013 08:00

If I produced a maths worksheet over the holidays the DSs would be Hmm

DS1 is 14, DS2 is 11. They can retain their knowledge for 6 weeks I think. Sets have already been decided for September.

Gracie990 · 14/08/2013 08:02

Ling, i think being bored for the odd Afternoon is a great thing. Being bored all day for days on end is not a good thing.

School hols are very long. Amazing fun things can be done which there isn't time for during term time.

Gracie990 · 14/08/2013 08:06

Sparkling, there is a proven dip in hols.

We don't do worksheets :-) school work can be great fun.

I'm aware that sounds twatty but really children love practicle experiments and engineering. ( who doesn't like Lego or maccano.)

Retropear · 14/08/2013 08:08

If my kids had buggar all they needed to work on,were attending a private,Outstanding or even Good school,didn't live next to the neighbours from hell,didn't need a tiny bit of structure.......then I'd kick back and do sweet fanny Adams but the fact is children and circumstances all differ.

Thought this has been thrashed through and concluded already countless times on MN.

Sooooo we've been doing an hour of work every other day,reading loads(they are avid readers),library challenge,getting out and enjoying the gorgeous scenery we're lucky to live in- and I couldn't give a shiney shit who that offends.

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