AIBUs from parents of fictional children

[ProudAS]

AIBU to be concerned about what DCs are up to? Since we moved to Yorkshire they've been hanging around the railway line most days and not made friends with the local children.

DS came home with a bag of coal which he said was "mined" and whilst he looked like he'd been down a coal mine I suspect it was stolen.

And then there's the station porter who seems to be getting very friendly with them - he's a nice man by all accounts but I can't help feeling suspicious.

AIBU to be worried about my little DD's possible bestiality? I'm an older mum and had fertility treatment from a beggar woman - well, she seemed very plausible. Anyway, my DD is really tiny, about two inches tall, and all the local animals seem to really fancy her? She's had a toad, stag beetle, mole and mouse all making overtures - is she sending out some kind of signal? I'd really just like her to find a prince, but how likely is that FFS when she's only as big as a thumb?

Are you my great-aunt Sophie, Cerubina? Always convinced she saw a little man come out of the Fine Old Madeira bottle in the evenings? And once he brought a little woman with him too. You can imagine how the servants talked in the kitchen

Only advice we can give here is- put the cork in.

Don't worry Sophita, the sardonic aristocrat is likely to have a slightly sinister way of knowing everything. It's perfectly safe to take to your bed and leave him to it. Your DD1 will be adored by her MIL, and after things settle down they'll probably find an eligible match for DD2.

AIBU to adopt my orphaned neice and seperate her from her old nurse (her only friend)? I'd like to see the family line continued unbroken, and I'm worried about my only son; he's extremely handsome, but is just a tiny bit unhinged, and I'd like to get him safely married before the rest of the locals notice....

I'm quite worried about DS. He was born, shall we say different from his siblings. They all make fun of him, calling him 'ugly', 'stubby' and 'brown' and I think it's really starting to upset him. I recently found out that some of our neighbours have been threatening to run him out of town. He didn't come home with the others this evening. WIBU to leave the other DC's with friends and go out to look for him? I'm worried he may have run away to 'find himself'...

My daughter has become involved with a man who we know very little about. He picks her up in expensive cars and once in a helicopter!

All she will tell us about him is that he is extremely rich and owns a large company. We suspect that she knows very little about his past. He sounds very dominating and controlling. I don't know what they get up to but there are nasty marks on her wrists and her lip is a mess where she has been biting it a lot.

W e have taken to listening at her bedroom door to hear what she says in her sleep. From what we can make out the boyfriend is a christian who's hobby is repairing washing machines and decorating rooms in a red theme. She also seems to have developed a crisp fetish because she keeps shouting out," For God's sake open the foil packet!"

This isn't what we had hoped for her and the chircpractor's bills for her bad back etc are costing a fortune.

I'm loving this thread

Can I put forward a nomination for this to go in classics.

WWYD?

My problem seems silly, but it is this extremely unhygienic cuddly toy that my DD is devoted to. She really is old enough to do without it , and it honks to high heaven. The problem is, she is vulnerable as we have had a period of instability and have become asylum seekers.

No way will she give the damn thing up. WIBU to "lose" it into the river one day and tell her that that bastard Hitler has stolen her pink rabbit?

AIBU to be a bit peed off by my niece? She moves in here, cuts her fringe off, goes to the shop without her shoes on and won't stop writing bloody poetry. My DSis and DCousin (who is a bit wrong in the head after I smacked him too hard as a child) think she's lovely but I think she's irreverent and a bit mad. Keeps writing letters to her dead dad, too.

I am a governess with a yen for the colour purple. My charge and I have just moved to her ancestral home and it seems to be strangely infested with giant dogs with long neck-hair, massive hares and mysterious white horses. There seems to be some deadly feud going on between the little girl's uncle and some strange men with black hair, too. WTF is going on here?

AIBU to turn my niece into a champion grim figure skater? I really like turning up at her shows wearing a fur coat and fur boots and having people point me out and admire me. I'm not interested in becoming famous myself, it sounds like too much bother. I'm more interested in stooping to touch my toes before breakfast to keep my lovely figure.

thebody you've overlooked another career possibility. If your daughter plays her cards right she could end up as nurserymaid to the mad authoress next door.

My now grown-up DD is seriously considering sending my twin DGCs to a school where the girls address each other by names of flowers and spend all their days folk dancing and their nights in and out of each other's bedrooms drinking coffee. WIBU to tell her not to touch the school with a bargepole, or should I leave her to make her own mistakes?

AIBU to worry about my overweight son? His so called friends all call him 'Fatty' which really isn't nice, is it? I think he's beginning to develop multiple personality disorder as a result. He's always talking in strange voices and dressing up as tramps and old women.

AIBU to think that my daughter has very odd friends?

it is sad that two of them are on the organ donor list (heart and brain) and the third one has serious self-esteem issues and I'm really proud of DD for helping them, but I do worry as one of these friends is a lion.

and I don't know where she got those red sparkly shoes either, we can't afford expensive clothes.

she seems to be "finding her way home" so to speak, so all is not lost, but I do worry about her safety

Aibu to be a bit fed up with my orphaned niece who has come to live with us? All she thinks about is bloody ballet dancing. I have also seen my husband's annoying nephew making eyes at her. He thinks he's going to be a pianist some day. The pair of them are living in cloud cuckoo land and need to catch themselves on and start thinking about A Levels and getting decent jobs in the future.

Blazinstoke - The twins speech did improve but not enough to pursue serious careers as actors as they had hoped. They have had lots of work as extras over the years. You may have seen their work on lots of shows from Rosemary and Thyme, the Good Life and an episode of Lewis to name but a few.

arabesque you beat me to it. That's one of my all time favourites

Believe me Muppet it's no picnic. Now my niece is talking about going off to live in some flat in London with some ancient landlady and attend some ballet school or other. The other tennants are all arty types as well and I don't like the sound of it AT ALL! The sooner I get her enrolled in a good secretarial course the better.

AIBU to leave my 14 yo DSD to baby sit my 1yo DS. I'm sure I keep hearing her muttering about Goblin Kings and having no power over her.

Her attitude seriously stinks, she is so selfish and precious. I think an evening babysitting will give her time to think about things and to bond with her baby brother.

Not really an AIBU, but posting here for the traffic. After a really long engagement (DDad wanted me to go on a long sailing trip out west but I wouldn't, insisted on DH getting a major promotion before we married, sent DH off to lead a long and dangerous quest) we finally got married. AF hasn't turned up this month at all (though that could be something to do with me being a perfect immortal being and all). What with us being different species, I haven't bothered with contraception, but now I'm feeling a bit worried. Should I POAS?

thanks, Woodhead, that's such a relief to know!

I'm really not sure what you should do for the best with your DS, but perhaps posting over in the Doghouse forum and make arrangements to rehome any pets would be a start? And remember, when it comes to your DNiece's post - what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't fret over!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar

My sympathies on getting stuck with your niece- precocious children are so high maintenance. Maybe just encourage her to spend more time with that creepy eccentric hunchbacked bloke from the other side of the family? He'd be good company for her, and it's not as if he's already grooming her as part of a frankly sinister plan to make her his child bride or anything daft like that, is it?

My grandson is staying with me for the summer whilst his parents are abroad. Apart from taking him hunting a couple of times I have basically ignored him. He spends most of his time playing at the local dump. I am sure that this is both a wholesome and safe activity for a lone eight year old.

However, now my grandson claims to have made friends with some sort of tramp who doesn't speak English and lives in a shelter made from corrugated iron and old jam jars. AIBU to worry about this? The man is probably a drunk.