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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who would expect an invitation to a baptism?

67 replies

boardingschoolbaby · 12/08/2013 15:01

I assumed just family, DH thinks we should be inviting everyone- friends, close work colleagues etc.
It is a simple Catholic baptism at our local church, separate service not part of Mass.
If you worked closely with someone or were their friend, would you expect an invitation? I don't want people to feel obliged to attend something which they would not normally give two hoots over.

OP posts:

mycatlikestwiglets · 12/08/2013 22:18

I've only ever been to christenings where I was family or a Godparent, and only invited family and Godparents (some of whom are family anyway!) to my DC's christening. I've never heard of anyone doing a massive invite-all affair until reading this thread!

IsabellaPasta · 12/08/2013 22:21

We will be having DS baptised in the autumn. Intending to invite godparents and grandparents. That's all. DS is almost 5 though so not sure if it is more is expected for babies. Just parents and godparents in my baptism photos.

TooTabooToBoo · 12/08/2013 22:33

DD was christened in 2004, no neighbours but 2 work colleagues - one was her GP though.

Family, close friends and a buffet at a hotel. Total guest count around 100.

DS got baptised yesterday, family and close friends, no colleagues, 80 people and a buffet in local sports club after.

Both were bloody brilliant, really happy with all my special people in one room - doesn't happen often!

ZingWidge · 12/08/2013 22:40

we always baptise I kids very soon after birth, so we include details of baptism in birth announcement card - not as a special invite, but because it's a practical thing to do.

Otherwise a phone call, email or text would be necessary to notify people about date and time.
I thought that's pretty standard practice.

ReallyTired · 12/08/2013 22:41

I think that having a massive baptism party must feel like a wedding reception! It is not necessary to invite 80 people to a baptism service, but it does no harm either.

My husband and daughter got baptised together in the main church service. We invited family and friends and entire church family to a party in the church hall. Yesterday a baby at our church was baptised and everyone at the service was given a piece of cake and a glass of wine or fruit juice.

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt · 12/08/2013 22:43

Most Christening's I've been to have been like weddings were in the 70's. Nice little church service followed by a buffet in the village hall.

ZingWidge · 12/08/2013 22:44

and as with everything similar being invited is an honour, not a chore, but there's nothing wrong with a reply of
"sorry I won't be able to make it"

I'm sorry, I don't understand what the problem is.
invite whoever you want, serve cake & coffee afterwards in church hall. job done

ShadowMeltingInTheSun · 12/08/2013 23:43

I would not expect christening invites from anyone other than close family or close friends.

We only invited close family and friends to DS's christening, and had them back to our house afterwards for a small buffet.

We have however been invited to a few big christenings held for children of neighbours / colleagues, where guest lists have been up to about 80 and halls have been hired for the reception afterwards. But in my experience these big christenings are the exception rather than the norm.
Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves at those too, but I don't think there's any obligation or expectation for everyone to have a big christening or to invite absolutely everyone.

sashh · 13/08/2013 05:52

I've been to one with just 4 guests (2 were godparents) and I've been to one followed by a buffet at a hotel with about 100 guests and a visit from santa for the kids (was late December).

I've been to all sizes in between. I suppose it is like a wedding, you do what you want.

Flossie82 · 13/08/2013 06:06

DC1 we had a lot of family, plus the usual church congregation. DC2 will just have grandparents, as the great grandparents are unable to travel here now.

our children don't have godparents.

I would think it odd to be incited to a colleagues child's christening. Close friends would be five (although we have chosen to stick with family only).

ll31 · 13/08/2013 06:31

Close friends and family only. Inviting wwork colleagues seems odd to me. But each to their own!

IrisWildthyme · 13/08/2013 06:51

We invited loads of friends (as well as family obviously).

Our group of Uni friends are scattered all over the country now, but for years we effectively had reunions 2 or 3 times a year as couples gradually married one another. Then we began to run out of couples to get married as they had all happened, so we hardly ever saw one another. Inviting each other to christening parties as the babies started arriving seemed like a good solution as a way to provide a regular excuse for a knees-up.

MrsMook · 13/08/2013 07:05

I've been to quite a few for good friends and mummy friends.

DS1 had a lot of visitors, but by the time you get DH's siblings and DNs over from Ireland nothing will ever be small. We also had good friends. The guest list was smaller than our wedding. After we went to a function room in a pub. With family and friends here, there and everywhere, it was a good chance for a catch up.

Most of the friends' Christenings I've been to are regular church goers, they're not putting on a show. A wedding is a religious service, and inviting a crowd of family and friends to witness, support and share it is perfectly normal.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 13/08/2013 07:13

Personally, I wouldn't expect to be invited unless we were family or a very close friend.

We've only been to one, for an older child who was allowed to pick some friends, as most babies I know have not been baptised.

Mckayz · 13/08/2013 07:17

We invited family and friends. Some are former colleagues who are now good friends. We probably had about 40 people at DD's christening.

TooTabooToBoo · 13/08/2013 11:09

it's not necessary to invite 80 people to a baptism

Yeah it is, I've a massive family and have close relationship with all of my 20+ cousins.

At DS's baptism, there were only 15 friends, the other 65 guests were mine and ExP's family.

I love the idea of under 10 guests, just not possible without hurting people I care about by not inviting them.

Belchica · 13/08/2013 11:47

Each to their own on this one. Do what fits for you and your family and what you can afford.

We had family only plus the godmother (family friend) and her partner. And the family was our parents and siblings and their kids only and we discouraged those who would have to catch a flight from spending their hard earned cash on coming (so a few didn't bother).

BUT, we mightily pissed off DPs close friends who couldn't understand why we weren't having a big shindig for our firstborns baptism "because that's what everyone else did"!!! They didn't even have the grace to suggest they might like to be part of DSs special day. They made it clear they were simply annoyed at there not being a big party! DP was informed that we were the talk of the group (a bunch of 38yr olds....sad). We ignored them. They have now started asking about our plans for the "important big first birthday party...". Arrrggghhhhh!

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