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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who would expect an invitation to a baptism?

67 replies

boardingschoolbaby · 12/08/2013 15:01

I assumed just family, DH thinks we should be inviting everyone- friends, close work colleagues etc.
It is a simple Catholic baptism at our local church, separate service not part of Mass.
If you worked closely with someone or were their friend, would you expect an invitation? I don't want people to feel obliged to attend something which they would not normally give two hoots over.

OP posts:
Zingy123 · 12/08/2013 16:22

We had about 100 at each of our girls baptisms. We have quite large families and don't get to see them that often so it was great to get everyone together. We did specify it was them we wanted and not their gifts. We had our friends too.

Trifle · 12/08/2013 17:10

Invite as few people as possible to spare them the tediousness.

ISolemnlySwearThatIAmUptoNoGoo · 12/08/2013 17:13

We had the grandparents, a few family, god parents and a few friends. We hired a small room and had a buffet. It was easier than having it at home as we have a small living room.
There was a tv in the room as well and a lot of the men watched football. It was nice to catch up with friends and family after as I had n awful pregnancy and didn't see them for ages.

MissTapestry · 12/08/2013 17:15

We invited the world and his wife! Grin We had a party after at the church hall with some music and a buffer etc. In our family/ friendship group it's another excuse to all get together. It was lovely, if 'tacky' Wink

MissTapestry · 12/08/2013 17:16

*buffet ffs

Princess28 · 12/08/2013 17:31

We had 80 to our sons baptism- and that was by cutting down the list. We hired the church hall after and did a huge roast for everyone. Was great fun. All have been involved in LOs life since then. All the christenings I've been to have been at least 40 people. You need that many if you are having a separate service just to fill the church!

Oblomov · 12/08/2013 17:36

I have to go against the grain here, and say I agree with Miss Tapestry and say we invited most people that we knew. And they nearly all came.
A few people did not come to the catholic mass, but came to the 'do' afterwards, at the local Golf Club. We laid on food and dh put some money behind the bar for people to get a drink. All my friends came. My PN group.
Was a fab day.

Was truly shocked when I read the first half of the thread.
Are you the kind of people that say no to weddings too? Find an excuse as quickly as possible? Hmm

How odd.
Have been invited back to the christenings of all my PN group aswell, (only one other catholic), so it's not just us.

Has made me really sad reading this thread.
What a right bunch of misers you all are.

Sad
Oblomov · 12/08/2013 17:37

"Grabby"?

I've heard it all now Shock

squoosh · 12/08/2013 17:39

Most weddings I've been to have been big affairs, most christenings I've been to have been pretty low key.

I don't know anyone who's had a massive shindig for their child's christening even the people who've had massive weddings.

Oblomov · 12/08/2013 17:41

Quint, we have a big family. Dh has 6 brothers and sisters and most of them have 4 children. I have 2 brothers.
We can't do small. Our family Christmas Party is huge. I would never dream of not inviting dh's brothers and sisters, and cousins, who all live locally, and we see often, to a party/christening etc.
You make it all sound tacky and nasty, if you have a big do.

squoosh · 12/08/2013 17:43

Most people are saying family and close friends, so if you have big families, yes there will be lots of people there. I just think inviting colleagues is a bit odd, unless you're close friends outside of work.

StrangeGlue · 12/08/2013 17:43

Only family and totally in a no pressure way and explain to close friends its family only. It's not a wedding!

HorryIsUpduffed · 12/08/2013 17:48

Baptism is an introduction to God and to the congregation/community. That's what it is. I would find it weirder to invite colleagues than next door neighbours and Mrs Smith who runs the Sunday school.

QuintessentialOldDear · 12/08/2013 19:20

I just love it when people come and take ONE post personal as if the post was a criticism of them in particular. Hmm How egocentric.

I did not say that inviting your large family was tacky and grabby. I posted in response to somebody wanting to invite work colleagues, Oblomov, not their six brothers and their partners and children!

Saffyz · 12/08/2013 19:48

If you worked closely with someone or were their friend, would you expect an invitation?

No. Close family and godparents would normally be invited.

DumSpiroSpero · 12/08/2013 19:53

I guess it's a personal thing but tbh I really dislike big Christenings - it always strikes me as a case of showing off baby with scasnt regard for the actual meaning of the service.

Obviously some people have large families but I know of couples with little or no religious leanings who have hosted 80 guests for their child's Christening, followed by a 'reception' at a hotel Hmm .

Anyway, I would say immediate family - siblings, grandparents, great grandparents and Godparents assuming they're not also family members.

FriskyHenderson · 12/08/2013 20:02

Round here baptisms are done 8-10 children at a time in the service and the parents are discouraged from inviting hundreds of guests.

We've done an invite that says "1pm at the church or 2pm at X hall" and the majority of people (minus godparents, siblings and grandparents) have bypassed the church which thankfully meant a few less people making conveyor belt comments and turned up for the party.

Oblomov · 12/08/2013 21:10

This whole thread is really nasty. And now I'm egocentric? Hmm
Nothing but posters saying, they wouldn't go, what to wear, how showy inviting so many people.
Where are all the people who love christenings and are grateful to be invited.
Just me then?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/08/2013 21:13

I had only close family and friends to my DCS baptisms BIL and wife had absolutely masses of people, each to their own.

PeppermintCreamsSaga · 12/08/2013 21:22

I've only been to two catholic christenings, but they were private services, for family and close friends with a buffet in a hall afterwards. One was in a church hall with drinks provided. One was in a pub function room, and you brought your own drinks (but the family did buy lots of rounds for everyone) About 50 people for each?

torcat · 12/08/2013 21:33

Definitely only family, close family not every cousin and distant relative and Godparents. We had our little one christened recently so had this debate. It's not like a wedding. We had the 'do' at our house afterwards, I think we had about 40 people. I wouldn't dream of inviting colleagues.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/08/2013 21:44

Each to there own and all that but I think its weird to invite loads of people unless your very religious and your inviting members of your church community

blondefriend · 12/08/2013 21:52

I was a bit surprised to get a texted photo of my colleague and daughter at her christening. We are really close so was a bit surprised to not even know about the event never mind not being invited. However I don't really mind. They look so happy. :)

Original poster
boardingschoolbaby · 12/08/2013 22:05

Thanks all. Never intended this to be a debate about big or small baptisms being better or worse, just simply to canvass opinions on people's expectation about being invited to one.

OP posts:
MissTapestry · 12/08/2013 22:12

Ha! We had work colleagues there! Honestly, the atmosphere at the party was great, the church bit was lovely and obviously the important part.
Then we had a shindig where our families/friends/neighbours/colleagues/next door but ones hairdressers wife all ate food and mingled.
They all seemed pleased to be invited, if they weren't then I assume they wouldn't have turned up.

Definitely doing the same for any future DCs too Smile