Opinions on wedding?

[MagratOfStolat]

My poor best friend is getting married in a year as a smallish ceremony (less than 50 guests total!) to a lovely bloke. They have the date in mind, all of the venues they want are available and it's just a matter of taking the plunge and booking them. Trouble is, she's having a minor crisis and asked for my (and Mumsnets!) opinion.

Essentially, the church they are getting married in is a maximum of five minutes walk away from two different restaurants/bars/foodie places. Place One is a poshy place with a set menu and a hefty price per head. Place Two is basically like a Beefeaters.

She's had a look at Place One and (aside from the financial side) they have a menu that she took one look at and went "[Aunt] won't touch that, [Uncle] is allergic to all that, [Sister] won't eat any of it except the dessert, [Friend one] and [Friend two] won't be happy about that......." ad infinitum.

She came to me and basically asked me what I thought of them going to the pub and everyone just buying their own food, and then because it would be quite late in the day to not bother catering for the evening do.

I told her that it was her day, her money, she'll kill herself trying t make everyone happy at the same time if she didn't do this and if anyone didn't like it then they can climb a long pole and then sit on it.

What does everyone else think? I thought it was great, but now am wondering fi I gave the right advice...

Expecting 50 people to separately order and pay for a pub meal in a Beefeater is not a wedding reception, it'd be a logistical nightmare , and if you're already paying to go to somebody's wedding it's bloody tight- the fallout from this would be far worse than anything resulting from the fussy eaters.

If she wants to do the pub meal and call it a wedding reception she needs to pay for it and organise in advance what everyone will be eating, even if it's a set meal. And yes, she should cater something for the evening, even if it's just the pub doing some sandwiches, crisps and sausage rolls.

If she really wants the more expensive restaurant and is willing to pay, then with enough notice the restaurant would probably be willing to adapt the menu according to the bride and groom's choices, within reason, and they should certainly be able to accommodate allergies.

Sounds as though your friend is making excuses to avoid feeding her guests.

Cross post- glad she's seen sense.

Afternoon tea in the function room is a good idea, but I think she'll realistically need to cater for a slightly more substantial meal later in the evening in that case. The meal at a wedding is generally everybody's main meal of the day- if she expects everyone to last from breakfast to midnight on cucumber sandwiches and a scone she might find that all her guests bugger off to KFC at about 7pm.

That sounds like a good solution Magrat, just advise her to give guests a heads-up on the plan, so they've had the opportunity to eat a decent meal before they go to the ceremony.

Glad she likes the idea of afternoon tea - sounds like a lovely party - but she will need to watch her timings and make sure her invitations are crystal clear. Guests need to know they aren't getting a full meal, and have time to have proper lunch first (ie not starting wedding at 1pm).

We had a catered buffet in a pub function room for a different but formal occasion and IIRC it was about £6-7/person for far more food than anyone could eat. Hot drinks were included but those who wanted booze cold drinks paid at the bar.

We recently catered our baby's christening and did a buffet ploughmans lunch that went down an absolute storm and was not at all time consuming. Think sliced meat, cheeses, selection of mini pies (all bought on a 3 for 2 offer), pickles and bread rolls all laid out on platters. We had a massive spread for under £200 that catered for a hundred, but would probably fed nearer the 150 mark.

If you cannot afford to pay for the food well then you just should not invite people.
Guests spend money,sometimes a lot of money,on outfits,travel,accomodation and a gift.
It is just plain rude to ask them to pay for their food on too of all that.

Your friend should elope in my opinion.

If they're going for an afternoon tea option tell them to make it a substantial afternoon tea. Cucumber sandwiches are all well and good but they'll need some quiche, pie, stodgy type food too.

I a) wouldn't go to a wedding where I was expected to buy my own food (rude imo) and b) wouldn't go to a Beefeater (hate the places!)

The afternoon tea sounds nice but agree with the point re timings. Cardinal sin of weddings is to have hungry guests.

My friend has a tight budget but is still feeding her guests by cutting down on the extras. So far she has:

Booked a late afternoon service (4pm) so she has one reception in the evening starting at 6pm. All guests invited to the whole function as it starts so late.

Bought her dress for £300 from an ebay shop

Dp is wearing his best suit but bought a new shirt, tie & waistcoat to go with it instead.

Bridesmaid are wearing their own dresses but in a particular colour

Invites from vistaprint £60

Cake from M&S £250

Cars £0 They have asked friends with nice cars to drive them to the venue.

Photos - they have asked a final year photography student to take pics at a discounted price

They are hosting 150 guests to a 3 course sit down meal with drinks for the meal & toast

Drinks - lots of posh soft drinks bought from costco &
a paybar for the disco

It is rude to expect your guests to pay for their own food at your wedding while you waltz down the aisle in a 3k dress.

But raisah, that's quite an expensive wedding if they are paying for a three course meal with drinks for 150 people!

I think raisah means that in order to have the number of guests they want, they've cut every other corner possible - so for example they've saved £18 per guest by having an eBay dress rather than a swanky designer one, which means £18 food/drink for each person.

I bloody love afternoon tea so I would be very happy with that wedding!

Incidentally Magrat is she jealous that you are married to the King of your own country

But MrsTP she isn't married to Verence - he's the King of Lancre, not Sto Lat!

But she lives in Lancre, so her own country

You're just jealous because you're married to a common thief taker.

A few cakes and sarnies sounds ok, as long as it's just an afternoon reception and it doesn't go on into the evening/night.

Otherwise people will be ravenous and drinking on empty stomachs.

My friend hired the function room at a very lovely gastro pub; 3 course meal, £10 per head - their standard lunch prices. The pub were more than happy to have 80 covers on a Friday lunchtime and I as a guest had the best food I've ever eaten at a wedding. If Afternoon Tea doesn't pan out; something like this may be an idea?

I'm in Canada so forgive my ignorance. ..but is it essential to have 2 receptions in the UK? Because it seems to me if one is paying for 2 parties plus a ceremony, it would be very hard to decipher where to cut costs!