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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To it want to do Christmas?

46 replies

Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 10:27

Will be 4 weeks post c section. Is dh's family who most of them their idea of helping is passing you their empty plate.

Have had them here this weekend and I feel
upset and drained. Mil is lovely and helpful but can't say rest are that helpful.

DH is lovely but last time they all came up at Christmas I ended up sitting in garden crying into a G&T smoking 10 cigarettes as DH had broken his collar bone and was next to useless.

Have had awful weekend with them here and when
One couple left yesterday they sort of intimated that they would be coming here as I wouldn't be able to travel.

I have previously said could be a beef bourginion and mash and veg and bought puddings but now am thinking I don't want to do that either.

I don't want first Christmas with new baby to be fraught and tense and will end up screaming at them if I have to watch DH do everything because I can't.

I'm not just being grumpy am I?

OP posts:
GoAndDoSomeWork · 12/08/2013 10:31

no you're not - just say no!

YouTheCat · 12/08/2013 10:32

Say no.

Tell them you will be in no state to look after anyone but you and the baby, post major abdominal surgery, and you will be having a very quiet Christmas with just your dh and kids.

If they don't like it, it's just tough.

Flobbadobs · 12/08/2013 10:35

Don't Do It.
I was pressured into spending my first post baby Christmas somewhere else and hated every minute of it. Say a definite NO right now. Seriously, I can't emphasise this enough!
A quiet Christmas with your new addition is the only acceptable way to do it IMO.
YANBUYANBUYANBU

MrsMangoBiscuit · 12/08/2013 10:36

If anyone suggests that you host Christmas, laugh at them, hard! Then remind them that you'll have a newborn and be recovering from major surgery.

I had DD by emcs 6 weeks before Christmas. Spent the day with ILs, who wouldn't even let me fetch my own drink. Had my parents over for Boxing day, and they were horrified at the suggestion I cook a meal. They bought some lovely bits for a buffet instead.

If you are happy to host, and you want to, then that's fine. If you don't want to, don't even consider it.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 12/08/2013 10:42

Say no and keep saying no!

I had a hysterectomy a month before Christmas and I was in no fit state to be preparing and hosting such an important meal never mind having a new baby to care for.

Say no and let everyone know now that it isn't happening.

purrpurr · 12/08/2013 10:51

Say no and keep saying it. You are so not unreasonable. What has your DH said? Congratulations btw :)

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 10:53

Thanks guys.

I knows DH will be able to do it all but I think I will get really stressed, They will expect to stay too so bed linen and washing it will be an issue too!

OP posts:
thebody · 12/08/2013 10:56

good gracious don't be do silly. of course you can't host or have anyone round.

as other poster says absolutely not and laugh at the idea.

if you can't stand up to them get your GP/ midwife to weigh in and say you have been defiantly advised to do no such thing. then it's not you saying it its medical advice.

I do think your dh should be telling his relation this though.

surely he sees this as ridiculous.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/08/2013 10:59

Tell them they can, if they cook, serve and wash everything up! Yanbu. I'd laugh at them too.

everlong · 12/08/2013 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/08/2013 11:02

Just say no. You don't have to do anything.

We had Christmas last year just the three of us (it was DS's first). It was lovely.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 11:04

Dh will go along with me if I put foot down I think.

This weekend have had them grumbling about me asking 10 year old nephew to use a knife and fork and not think it funny to show us all what is in his mouth. BIL objecting to me telling him where the kettle is when he asked for a cup of tea. BIL objecting to moving to sitting room when I went to bed because his extra shouty voice (I think it's because his opinions are so much more valid than everyone else's) would keep me awake. Most of dh's siblings objecting to the athletics being paused so as they could eat the meal we had spent all day preparing. The loud one not even bringing his plate in from garden and joking about putting his hand over his mouth when talking with food in it as he finds it offensive that I pulled his kid up on his behaviour at the table. Leaving wet towels all over bed rather than bringing downstairs or even leaving on bathroom floor. Telling us that he is planning on leaving nephew here for another night and another family member bringing him home next day as it won't take 2 minutes fore to make up another bed!!!'

I probably sound a right grouch but am 6 months pregnant and have had hideous time at work recently and ended up spending all day yesterday in bed with cramps underneath which are probably as a result of spending 9 hours bloody prepping, cooing and clearing up!!

OP posts:
aufaniae · 12/08/2013 11:05

Saying no now will be much easier than having to deal with them, or the stress of preparation.

Have a chat with MIL - or whoever you need to - to nip this idea in the bud asap! You'll feel much better.

CMOTDibbler · 12/08/2013 11:05

No is a complete sentence (well, not quite, but thats the general idea), and can be repeated many, many times.

Enjoy Christmas just you, dh and new baby Smile

thebody · 12/08/2013 11:09

it sounds like you could potentially be putting your health at risk.

seriously they sound vile and I wouldn't have them round any day never mind Christmas.

shove it all in to your dh to say absolutely not this Christmas.

still a bit 😒 that your dh couldn't see how ridiculous this would be in the first place.

sort it out now and nip all in the bud.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 12/08/2013 11:13

Say no.
You have 2 options really, say you want to spend Christmas day alone with DH and DC. Or travel to one of your inlaws homes.
But what you don't want to be doing is holding it at yours.
I had DS 3 weeks before Christmas and I was in no fit state to be cooking Christmas dinner (and I had a relatively easy birth). Luckily my MIL said "you won't want to be cooking on Christmas Day love. Come to us and you can have a relaxing day."

YouStayClassySanDiego · 12/08/2013 11:15

They sound horrendously bad mannered! Shock

Do it now and make sure they all know Christmas at yours is cancelled and is not going to happen.

Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 11:17

Thank you everyone.

I was pretty sure I wasn't just being normal highly strung self.

Think will just be the 4 of us and new baby this christmas.

We did one year ask everyone to contribute to the food by way of £20 a head. Shouty BIL completely refused and MIL was so embarrassed she left money for them. And he is the sort to go through cellar and pick most expensive wine and literally eat so much that you think he must have not eaten for the last week and not be planning to eat for the following week either.

One SIL gluten free when she feels like it and one year BIL sent DH email stating what shop gluten free stuff could be purchased from.

Honestly I thought my family insisting on having peas as one of the veg was picky!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Madamecastafiore · 12/08/2013 11:20

Will look on M&S website and order everything presume for the 4 of us I think too.

ILs live a good 90 minutes away and their house not really big enough for all of us.

One IL do not have clean house, one has house too small and one lives abroad so it is expected to be at our house!

I can say NO!

OP posts:
MrsCampbellBlack · 12/08/2013 11:21

I would say no. But I really wouldn't get into correcting your nephew's table manners - leave that to his parents.

cozietoesie · 12/08/2013 11:21

I'm with thebody on this one. From the sound of them, I wouldn't be having them over for Xmas even if I was well and without a newborn!

Actually, I wouldn't have them over at any time, thinking about it.

Just say 'NO - I can't' - and have a great time yourselves with the drawbridge up and some nice nosh etc. (Which DH can cook.)

YouStayClassySanDiego · 12/08/2013 11:23

Practice it.

No, Christmas won't be at ours this year. The surgery and a new baby means that we want a quiet Christmas with just us and no visitors.

Merry Christmas in advance.

Love Madame.

Fancydrawers · 12/08/2013 11:24

They sound joyous. Refuse!

Squitten · 12/08/2013 11:25

DS2 was an early Dec baby and we told everyone we were staying at home that year (was MIL's turn) and that we didn't want any visitors.

This year we will have a 5yr old, 3yr old and an 8wk old(ish). We'll be at home again and are planning on booking a table at the nice restaurant on the high street for the full works on Xmas Eve and then mooching on Xmas Day. MIL can come with us or go elsewhere!

kinkyfuckery · 12/08/2013 11:29

Just tell them no. You will have enough on your plate, without having to worry about filling all of theirs too!

Hope it's a nice, relaxed Xmas for your family and your new addition.