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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make the children pay for treats

45 replies

SoWorriedPleaseHelp · 12/08/2013 06:24

We are really struggling financially at the moment.

My children are aged 6 and 10 years and they enjoy going to places like Costa Coffee for a cake but things like that are not cheap! !

Am I being totally unreasonable to either refuse or let them have something as long as they use their own money? They have money from generous relatives left from their birthday's as we can't afford pocket money.

OP posts:

Montybojangles · 12/08/2013 06:33

Just don't take them. If its over your current budget, you don't go, simple.
Part of parenting is teaching finances surely?

Why not get them baking some cakes? It would be cheaper, keep them busy, and it's very satisfying to have made something so yummy yourself.

NewAtThisMalarky · 12/08/2013 06:40

I don't see anything wrong with giving them the option to use their money for that, if they want to.

But I agree with monty, get them baking at home - then you can all enjoy the results.

CakesAreNotTheAnswer · 12/08/2013 06:40

What Monty said. Why are you so afraid to say 'no' to your children?

Original poster

SoWorriedPleaseHelp · 12/08/2013 06:44

We say "no" all the time which is why I was wondering if I am being unreasonable to say "yes" on the proviso that they use their own money.

This situation arises when we are already out and walking past one. In the past we would have gone in.... but not any more

OP posts:

Loveleopardprint · 12/08/2013 06:45

Why not take them to a supermarket to show them how much the cakes cost there and how inflated costa cakes are in price. They might understand more that costa is a real treat and expensive.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2013 06:47

Just discuss it with them first, when you are not anywhere near one. Point out that it is the only easy you can afford it and ask what they want to do.

Runningchick123 · 12/08/2013 06:55

It isn't wrong to make them pay fo their own treats as it teaches them how to budget if they want luxuries and tat these things are not cheap. I personally would not take mine to costa unless I had loads of cash to waste as it doesn't represent value for money and I would rather encourage my children my children to spend their money on something a a bit more worthwhile. I would say to mine: instead of spending your money at costa would you prefer me to buy a cake from asda to take home and then you could spend your money on a book or roller skating or your fave comic etc..
its amazing how the things that they want parents to pay for become far less attractive when faced with the prospect of spending their own money on it: if they realise that they have to pay for costa themselves then they might not want to even go and cake at home will be the option that they choose.

Greythorne · 12/08/2013 07:03

Costs coffee treats are not good value for money no matter who is paying for it.

If money is as tight as you say, the fact that your children get birthday money does not mean they can 'afford' Costa coffee either.

CreatureRetorts · 12/08/2013 07:07

Don't go. You can do other cheaper treats. Eg picnic in the park, bake cakes and take a flask of hot chocolate - I do this with the DCs when it's cooler weather.

jumpingpillows · 12/08/2013 07:09

home made cakes made with value flour/chocolate etc is much better value and can have more than one. Take them to eat at the park

Batch cook them and freee them so you can have different ones

Mouseyinmyhousey · 12/08/2013 07:41

I wouldn't want ds spending his money on a cake at Costa they're way overpriced. I wouldn't really encourage him buying sweet treats with his money either.

Agree with others, buy or make a cheap cake and they use their money for something else.

I'd try to explain how for the price of two.Costa cakes you could get x and y from somewhere else.

plumpjuicyraspberry · 12/08/2013 07:47

I wouldn't because where does it end.
They might decide they can buy sweets when they like because they are paying.

As an aside, the calorie content of the coffee shop cakes is appalling bad for kids due to their size. Smaller homemade ones are better value and better regarding portion sizes.

livinginwonderland · 12/08/2013 07:53

Just get them baking instead. Cheaper, and the results will be much tastier than some overpriced crap from Costa.

Vajazzler · 12/08/2013 07:54

As someone who regularly gives nieces and nephews money for birthdays I'd be upset if I found they'd spent it on coffee shop cake. You could always bake cakes and get a fancy coffee or other drink from the supermarket and have a 'coffee shop' at home.

DorisIsWaiting · 12/08/2013 07:55

We don't. 6 and 10 are old enough to understand that finances have changed. If money is tight I would rather they saved it for something special rather than an overpriced cake.

You seem to feel guilty at not being able to afford this anymore but really it's not a massive hardship, but a good life lesson.

DorisIsWaiting · 12/08/2013 07:57

Have you sat down amd discussed with them that coffee shop treats are no longer going to happen and why? If they know that there is no point in asking it may help you all feel a little better. Soon it will be accepted by all that it is not something that 'you' (the family) do.

Groovee · 12/08/2013 08:02

To be honest, no I wouldn't. But then I'm not a fan of places like Costa/Cafe Nero/Starbucks as I don't drink tea or coffee.

Our financial situation has changed and my children have had to learn that we just no longer have the money to do things. We spend more time baking at home. Dd does a great chocolate cake and cheese scones.

They just have to learn that what they want and what they get are different and they are young enough to change without too many moans.

Bonsoir · 12/08/2013 08:05

Cake at Costa Coffee (or elsewhere) is an expensive luxury and not nutritious at all! Just say no.

Original poster

SoWorriedPleaseHelp · 12/08/2013 08:07

Thanks everyone.

Dh and I do feel guilty - especially Dh as it's his "fault" we are in this predicament.

It isn't a bad thing to not have cakes etc but it was only for a treat if we are going past one and if they asked.

OP posts:

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 12/08/2013 08:09

I don't think there's any need to criticise Costa/other cafes, and the OP's previous practice of taking her kids there! It's not up to us to tell her it's 'crap' and it's no one's business to comment on whether the OP was getting good value by going there in the past. Besides, she's acknowledged that she knows it's expensive and it's very definitely a treat.

That said, OP, I agree that it'd be nice to get your kids into baking at home instead, and it's got to be sensible to explain finances to them and suggest that they use their own money if/when they do want to go to a cafe for a treat. It's not unreasonable at all not to go out for cake, and if you can't afford it you can't afford it.

CreatureRetorts · 12/08/2013 08:31

Why is it your DH's fault? Was he made redundant?

foslady · 12/08/2013 09:11

Why not tell them they are opening their own branch of Costa at home, work out which cakes, get them to bake them and invite Gran round? We did this when I was skint and on my own with dd - she still asks now for a mum McD's sometimes!!!

curlew · 12/08/2013 09:18

"s someone who regularly gives nieces and nephews money for birthdays I'd be upset if I found they'd spent it on coffee shop cake"

Why on earth? I want my nieces and nephews to spend their birthday money on anything that makes the happy.

OP- absolutely fine to give them the choice "I haven't got the money for that at the moment. So if you want it you'll have to use your own money. But I have got enough money to buy the ingredients to make some cakes when we get home- and they'll be even nicer. And maybe some squinty cream and we'll make our own hot chocolate. Which would you like to do?"

BrokenSunglasses · 12/08/2013 09:23

I don't think it's wrong at all to make children pay for their own treats, I make mine do it. They are old enough now that they can think about whether they really want something, and whether they want something does often depend if it's my money or theirs they are spending!

There's no point in them having their own money while they are still children if you don't use it to teach them the value of money and about saving, budgeting etc.

Give them a choice. They can spend their money in costa if they want to, or they can save it for something else, or they can spend it on ingredients to make their own treats.

It isn't a treat if you just happen to be going past one, they ask, and you automatically say yes. A treat is something that they can't always have and that they look forward to.

lljkk · 12/08/2013 09:23

yadnbu. I'd be fine about it if children said that's what they wanted to spend their money on. Why is plastic tat so much better value way to spend their pocket money?

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